With Time our relationships with our children undergoes a change..

usha kiran By usha kiran, 14th Aug 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1-hcb6sk/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

We need to give space in any relationship including our children. What is important is that your children are making their own place in the world and being responsible, nothing else matters .

Introduction

When our children are young and dependent on us we do not realise that things are bound to change once they grow older and become independent. This is a part and parcel of life and many parents fail to realise that their children have become mature and thinking individuals and are able to make their own decisions.

I know of a case where a mother was constantly complaining about her two children who according to her talk back to her and argue which they never did when they were younger. In fact , when the son wanted to move into his own place which was closer to his work spot and she simply could not accept this. Many of her well -wishers advised her that her son is now a mature thinking and was able to make his own decision and it was wiser to trust his judgment and let him do what he thinks was best for his life.
It does not mean that by making a home of their own ,their love for their parents has become less or gets diminished . Parents being older and mature, should be able to see their children’s point of view and help them out instead of creating hurdles and making them feel guilty.

Change is an essential part of life

There is no life without change and we have to accept that change is a part and parcel of our life and we have to be practical and look at it from all angles before taking any decision. And when it comes to dealing with grown up children, one has to do it with sensitivity and care because they need our support and love and so do we.

It is hard for most parents to accept this, they forget that we raise our children to grow up into mature adults capable of taking the right decisions in their life. By being difficult and by the time understanding dawns on the parents it may be too late and beyond repair , they may have spoilt the relationship by clinging too much. It is wiser to be realistic and let go, when there is love and that special bond nothing would take that away. In life we need to be practical and not get overtly emotional which does very little to help us build and nurture relationships.

Communication is the key to all inter personal relationships

1, There are times when simple heart to heart communication helps us understand the other persons views better . It is also good to get more views on any issue, it does help us in making the right decision.
2, Parents should be practical and also do some analysis about their own younger days and the problems they might have faced while dealing with their parents and their own behavior with their parents.
3, Also, never take what you underwent as a yardstick since circumstances may have been vastly different .
4, We see some parents making unnecessary demands and possessive of their children little realising that it is only going to make matters worse for both themselves and the children as well. One ends up having friction all the time, but with a little understanding it is possible to lead happier lives.

Develop a rapport with your children

There is a verse in Sanskrit that I read in high school, which says you have to take care of kids, fulfill demands till age 3; control them , guard them, punish them till age 5; but once they are 16 years old; you must treat them as friends.. although I don't agree with the control and punishment bit which may go out of hand at times ! What it essentially tells us is that you need to change your approach and method while dealing with your adult children.
One can develop a rapport right from the early years which really helps as they grow older. Most parents only think of dominating and controlling their children without realising that after they grow up they are free thinking individuals in their own right and may hit back when circumstances change.
We need to give space in any relationship including our children. What is important is that your children are making their own place in the world and being responsible, nothing else matters .Parenting is a job that needs besides love and care, a lot of sensitivity and understanding which many lack.

They tend to think that children are their private possessions and that's where the problem lies. Parents are not sure when to let go ! Many parents make their children the center of their universe and find it difficult to cope with the reality of their becoming independent. Once you are past a certain stage and retired from active service you need to develop hobbies and interests of your own and try to be independent - not many understand this point, they would rather cling on and make themselves and their children and others around them miserable.

Tags

Change, Children, Reality, Relationships, With Time

Meet the author

author avatar usha kiran
I love to write and interact....I am a teacher/housewife and a mother of three grown up children..

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Comments

author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
15th Aug 2015 (#)

Well written - western societies have adjusted more than Asian to this fact of life. We do our part and let it play in their minds that we did our best.

It is better to live separately and be on talking terms than stay under the same roof as strangers! siva

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author avatar usha kiran
15th Aug 2015 (#)

Very true, accepting change is always wiser than resisting it ..

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author avatar pinks11
15th Aug 2015 (#)

Very well said. I am also a mother of two grown up kids and dealing cautiously with the situation.

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author avatar usha kiran
15th Aug 2015 (#)

Yes I agree pinks we need to be cautious, understanding and sensitive to their needs ,

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author avatar D in The Darling
21st Aug 2015 (#)

The way to go. Thanks for sharing!

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author avatar usha kiran
21st Aug 2015 (#)

Most welcome ...

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