Whose Approval do we need to live our life?

Pollyal By Pollyal, 14th Sep 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/1hjmqied/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

The want to be accepted is a human nature and so this urge to have our decisions and choices approved by people around us comes naturally to most of us. But the grave mistake that we commit is to wish and wait for the approval of people whom we like instead of wishing and waiting for the view of our true allies.

Growing up to understand

I have a cousin who is an extremely smart girl. Though she is 10 years younger to me I always admired her people skills. Right when I thought she was so adequately prepared for her college her confidence came down crashing. The reason were some negative comments from one of her classmates. A person whom she calls her friend took the trouble to explain, in great details, why my cousin has no skills to succeed in life and failure is her only future. The sad part was she believed these and was terribly hurt. This is common among teenagers. Even though you know you are good, if some else tells you are not, you believe it. I feel this effects girls more than boys. Letting people who are jealous of you, have power over you, is a foolish mistake.
If someone came to us and gave a baseless negative opinion about other people whom we love, we wont believe them, and may even insult the speaker. The irony is when someone says these negative things to us about ourselves, we believe them much easily. And even though we generally are wise enough to protect ourselves in major situations, most of the times we don’t even realize that we are waiting for unnecessary approvals. Below are certain situations where I have seen/experienced this unnecessary habit.

1. Just because I love you
Many a times I have seen girls and boys doing something just because their boy/girlfriends will like it, even if they themselves don’t. Their excuse is that they are in love. Sometimes in a relationship, doing things you don’t like yourself, just to make the other person happy is a good gesture. But if you find that you are willingly and constantly doing things you don’t really want to, according to me, that cannot ensure a positive long-time relationship. Instead of constantly changing, express your true self and see if the other person can accept you. If not, there is no point in waiting for the approval of such a person. After all whom do you want your friend/spouse to love - you or the person you are acting to be?

2. Wanting to be part of a new group
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you behave in a way in which you normally wont? Leave out the times when you are drunk. I am talking about situations where you are going out with a new group of friends. Did you ever feel you are trying to be extremely talkative, cool or humorous in one of these groups so that you get accepted? Have you ever gone out of your way to belong to a cool group? Most often than not becoming friends with people unlike you will only make you unhappy later. I learnt it the hard way that there was no need to behave differently to be accepted, you can be accepted as you are.

Identify and Filter Out

Waiting for approvals starts subconsciously and gradually develops into a habit. So the first step is to really accept that you are doing it, and identify who that person is and how important he/she is
We might feel hurt because someone said something bad about us. But lets go the reverse way. What do we really feel about that person? Do I have any reason to respect that person? Will I care if that person tells me about anybody else in the world? If the answers to these questions are no, then this person needs to be filtered out. Why on earth will we get hurt by the opinions of someone about whom we ourselves don’t have a positive opinion? That is absurd right?
Lets try giving importance to our opinions first and filter out those whom we don’t like.

Easier said than done

Even when I have learnt so many things through experience, yet I find it difficult sometimes to follow what I know. Self correction is one of the most difficult tasks that we may have to deal with in our entire life. But being aware is the big step forward. It is only when we are aware what we are feeling, we can do something about it.

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Comments

author avatar Retired
14th Sep 2013 (#)

you have written a wonderful page

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author avatar cnwriter..carolina
14th Sep 2013 (#)

this is very good indeed but such a shame that people have to wait for other's approval/applaud instead of giving it to themselves...thank you...

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author avatar Trillionaire
15th Sep 2013 (#)

You have to believe in yourself, if you make a mistake, it is called learning, but you had the courage to make the decision.

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author avatar Pollyal
15th Sep 2013 (#)

Thanks everyone for the positive comments :)

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author avatar Denise Salmon
15th Sep 2013 (#)

It is good to be able to be strong all by yourself before you get into a group. So you know how to be your own person. Nice Article

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author avatar Pollyal
16th Sep 2013 (#)

You are right Denise...First you should know and be confident about yourself so that you are not influenced by others that easily..thanks for commenting

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author avatar Harish
18th Sep 2013 (#)

Awesome Page.

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