Where's MY man?

Matt Janak By Matt Janak, 9th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Ever wonder why you're coming home to an animal instead of a person everyday? Here's my view as to why.

Where's MY man?

So you come home to an enthusiastic dog or nonchalant cat everyday after a hard days work, and although you tell yourself it's okay, and you're happy, deep down you can't help but wonder why? Based on my personal observations and experience, here's why I think you haven't found a man to call your own.


This has got to be the single most common thing I see with women in general, both with my current wife, my former wife, and even my step daughters. The concept of "I will put up with this man because he's the only chance I have at love, because I'm not worthy of anyone else". Do this: stop reading this, go grab a mirror, and looking straight at YOU, tell yourself "I deserve love". Period. That's it. Don't believe it? Keep doing it until you do believe. I don't mean love like you're used to, getting yelled at, put down, berated, chastised, or even beaten, I mean love as kisses, hugs, a soft touch, a hand hold in public, stuff like that. Most women I see who put up with that kind of thing have one common thread: no strong male role model growing up. I don't just mean a father, I mean a male in your life who told you you were pretty, smart, and deserving of being treated with respect. He doesn't open the door for you on a first date? Drop him. he yells at you in front of people? Get rid of him then and there. These are reasons to be picky and keep looking. A man who doesn't do something as small as open the car door for you first, he won't be there for you when the big stuff happens. A sense of self worth is the ultimate turn-on for men, and they don't even know it.


I can't tell you how many women tell me about their latest conquest or guy they dated that didn't work out, and the common theme is the "small stuff". The inane, everyday things that guys do as part of their normal routine or personality that women use as an excuse to dump him. His apartment smelled bad. Get a candle. His car was too messy. Gift certificate to a car wash. He doesn't like to talk on the phone that long. Go over to see him or text. Everybody as something that irritates others, and men are especially good at that. I mean, what it really boils down to is not about the behavior you can't stand or the habits you find irritating, it's the fact that were you to accept his flaws and "warts", you would have to admit you have flaws too. And we all know that the worlds problems are caused by men and their antics, and by admitting your own that somehow makes you weaker as a person and as a woman in general. You're hurting "the cause". Can't have that. Bottom line, find a guy you like, and ignore the small stuff, see what's in his heart, not his living room.


When looking for a job, what do you do? Internet, job fairs, asking friends/family, you scour the newspaper want ads, everything. When looking for a date what do you do? Sit at home reading articles on the internet as to why you're still single. (ahem). Do you ask your friends if they know anybody? Do you join dating websites and actually talk to people? Do you go to a club/bar and put yourself out there? You have to think about dating like a fisherman thinks about is catch. Cast a wide net, and you'll catch more of what you want. That shrimp your eating at the seafood restaurant, was caught amongst hundreds of others, but they were thrown back, and only the best were kept. That doesn't mean kissing every frog just to find one prince, it means you have to at least try to get out there and if nothing else meet new people. Like cooking? Start going to cooking classes. Go to the park a lot? Start talking to guys there. And yes ladies, we are just as shy and nervous as you about asking women out, so use y'all's mutual awkwardness as a starting point for conversation.


You know how guys look at a date? They are looking for one objective, and that's it. I don't mean that's how you need to look at dating, but think about the other side of that coin. Men go into a date or relationship completely content with the current status of were things are, no matter what those circumstances may be. Guys don't think about the wedding, or what the kids will look like, or where they'll move in proximity to y'all's parents or any of that stuff. They go in with the attitude of having a good time, period, end of story. And that's how you have to approach dating. Not, "He would make a good father, look at how he played with those kids". But rather, " Look at how fun he is, he played with those kids." You have to stop auditioning every guy you date for marriage, and just enjoy the company of another human being. I know you think the clock is ticking, but think about this, how often do you not find something until after you stop looking for it?


I met my wife on an online dating website, and it was the second scariest thing I've done dating wise. I know there are traditional ways to meet people, and those ways are more comfortable to you because they are what you know and have tried before. But think about this, dating websites give you a fast synopsis of who that person is, what they're into, and how they approach things. Is they're profile pic a poorly taken self shot? (They don't give a shit) Or did they ask friend to take a nice picture for them? Do they actually tell you something about who they are in their profile? Or are they married and they keep the profile details vague. (Just sayin) As an example, my wife's first line in her profile was bout her kids. That tells me two things, one, she is proud to have children, and two, her children are the most important things in her life. A red flag for me would have been if she didn't mention the kids until the second or third line down, or if she didn't mention them at all. Is the profile spellledd write with the proper grammar and punctuation? Or did he have his friend write it for him whilst drunk one night, indicating he's not serious. The bottom line is, trust your instincts like you would if they were face to face, and you'll find someone worthy of your time.

The bottom line ladies is this, relax, enjoy the company of the men you go on dates with, and at the end of the day, realize you are worthy of someone who treats you like a lady, and builds you up as a woman, not tears you down.


Love, Love And Desire, Love At First Sight, Love Story, Loved, Loved Ones, Lovers, Relations, Relationship, Relationship Advice, Relationship Help, Relationship Issues, Relationship Problems, Relationship Tips, Relationships, Relationships Dating, Relationships Love, Relatoinships, Single, Single Dad, Single Life, Single Men, Single Mothers, Single Parent, Single Parenting, Single Parents, Single Women, Singles, Singles Advice

Meet the author

author avatar Matt Janak
Army veteran, living in Texas, former aspiring comedian, current husband and step-father, lover of Star Wars, and hater of spider flatulence. My profile pic is from my book, Dark Part of the Mind.

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