When Your Children Say "I Hate You!"

Jack Wellman By Jack Wellman, 27th Sep 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Parenting

What do you do when your children scream, "I hate you"? What are the best methods for parents or step parents or foster parents to do when this happens?

When Your Children Scream "I Hate You!"

I remember hearing about children, grown or still living at home, that would scream at their parents "I hate you!"   In fact, it happens so often that I thought it was necessary to write about this because I recently heard a child scream at his mother like this. Here is a fact that I hope helps parents. When children are the worst, they are absolutely the most difficult ever, you feel like screaming or giving up and they are the hardest to love at that exact moment, is precisely the very moment when children need your love the most. The most effective way to respond to children who least deserve love is to give them exactly what they need the most even when you feel it is the most inappropriate time to give it. That is your unconditional love. Loving them and praying for them when you feel it is the most impossible to do so is the very thing and at the very time that they need it the most. Sounds impossible, but in Christ, we can find His strength to do this.

When we love our own children and even our own enemies outside of our family when they are at their worst and seem to give us the most grief is when they need love more so. It is like they are screaming out in their souls..."I am hurting, I am confused about life, and I can't handle all of this that is called life so I will take it out on you." We, as human beings, seem to always hurt the ones the most that we love the most. Paradoxical I know, but love them. Be kind to them when they despite you...pray for them when they verbally abuse you....kiss them when they spit at you. How strange I know, but this works. This mimic's God's love for us. We don't deserve it. We have not earned it. We are not entitled to it. Yet God loved us while we were still enemies of Him. His loved is not conditioned on our behavior; otherwise none of us would be saved.

It’s not logical, it seems impossible, it goes against the grain of human nature, but it works. I know. I was in this stage of life. God saved me when I didn't deserve it. I was angry at God. He loved me. I tried to take my anger out on Him. He responded by loving me. I was broken and didn't understand, but He understood of me. He saved me. He gave me what I didn't deserve (called grace) and withheld what I did deserve (called mercy). He sought me, He bought me, He caught me, He taught me, what I ought be.


Behavior Help, Behavior Modification Techniques, Behavior Therapy, Behaviors, Child Care, Childhood, Children

Meet the author

author avatar Jack Wellman
I am a pastor, author, and freelance writer. I have written 4 short paperback books and love to study the Bible. I am presently trying to complete my masters in Seminary.

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author avatar Teila
28th Sep 2011 (#)

Excellent topic to write on! Great job Jack, loved this.

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author avatar Delicia Powers
28th Sep 2011 (#)

Very powerful and inspiring Jack, thank you...

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author avatar Buzz
28th Sep 2011 (#)

Thanks, Jack, for this topic on unconditional love. Very inspiring thought.

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author avatar Tony Barnes
28th Sep 2011 (#)

Thanks Jack...I have an adult (debatable) prodigal child that says that with his actions. I get just a small glimpse of how God must love us when we say the same thing with our actions to him.

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author avatar Jack Vorster
29th Sep 2011 (#)

You've put it in a nutshell. Well done.

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author avatar Denise O
18th Jan 2012 (#)

I have only had one child ever say that to me and that would be my nephew. He said that to me because, he was hurt and he was angry at the world. When he would say these things to me, I would just hold him tighter. Nice read. Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
29th Jan 2012 (#)

If only we can raise ourselves to this level of selfless love, heaven will be upon us right here. Thanks for spreading hope and the way to go, Jack - siva

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author avatar Retired
8th Apr 2012 (#)

A lovely and inspiring article Jack. thank you for this.

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author avatar sarosh
22nd Apr 2012 (#)

Well said

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author avatar Teila
23rd Apr 2012 (#)

You've got the greatest advice and the best articles.

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author avatar Teila
24th Oct 2012 (#)

Such wisdom.

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