When My Son Smiles...

Lisa Partee By Lisa Partee, 28th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Parenting

If I say I love my son, what is my responsibility to him? How do I love him best?

When My Son Smiles...

My son, my firstborn. I remember dreaming of a little brown boy with crazy black hair all over his head…then I saw him. I thought my heart would literally swell and burst with love for my baby. I loved him fiercely! And I love him more now…I don’t get to see him smile much now days. But when he does, his smile brightens the entire room.
I spend hours and days trying to figure out how to love him best. He does not understand this, but many times when I look at him, I am not even seeing him. I sit and I watch the ghosts of “the sins of the father’s” as they situate themselves in so many of my boy’s ways, his thinking, his looks…

Sometimes, when I look at my son, I believe that one of the reasons I survived my “wilderness experience” was because God knew that I was going to have to be well-versed in the thinking and belief systems of the “bad things” that seemingly captivate my son and hold my son hostage. I was going to need to be fluent in the language he speaks and understands. I can’t be sad when he says and does things that, in my new life, seem quite insane. His behaviors make perfect sense where he lives now. There’s no love in that place. There is no loyalty to momma or family or anything that doesn’t benefit and feed the demons that drive him. Perceptions and thinking are skewed. I understand that.

So, if I say I love him, what is my responsibility to him? (thinking…)

The best thing I can do for my boy is to keep taking very good care of myself. I need to nourish myself daily with things that feed my spirit and my body and my Recovery. Because when he’s ready, he’s going to need me to be strong. He’s going to need me to show him how to battle the Enemy. He’s going to need to know how to pray. He’s going to need me to speak Love and Truth to him. He’s going to need me to teach him how to let his own mouth form the words, “I surrender!” He’s going to need me to show him how to hold and soothe babies that are being so affected by his decisions right now. He’s going to need me to show him how to live again…

Today is my birthday. I think that I am so grateful for more time. I have more time to love and to pray and to teach and to hold and to say no and to say yes and please and to touch my granbabies and to be present and accounted for and to smile more than being angry and to forgive and to point out the stars and to feel the sun and to hear beautiful music…I have today.

Lisa P.

Tags

Birthday, Mothers, Prayers, Recovery, Smile, Sons, Time

Meet the author

author avatar Lisa Partee
My name is Lisa and when I wake up in the morning, I think about writing...everything I look at throughout the day tells me a story...and before I go to sleep at night, I thank
God for this "gift".

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Comments

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
28th May 2013 (#)

Children are Angelic gifts of Creation bestowed to us from the Above to transform into Angels of Happiness growing wings from the love and magic that they see and learn from the world around them.
From one, Mother to another although my kid is not as big as your boy in the picture, he is only seven.

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
28th May 2013 (#)

The best way to love your boy is to' Bless him ' ..not because he deserves it all the time but just because .....that way God can get hold of him in ways that will be best for him .
God bless you dear Lisa
Stella ><

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