Ultimate Brenda

A.H By A.H, 13th Feb 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Elderly Relatives

My entertaining grandmother deserves to have a page written about her unconventional ways. So here's to you Brenda June!

Brenda

The familiar connotation attached to the word grandmother is a gentle, kind elderly woman. Words like loving, friendly, generous, caring and warm are just a few of the adjectives used to help you depict a typical grandmother.
Brenda June, the solitary grandmother in my family, contradicts everything said above. Her strong character emphasised after a few of her favourite Gordon’s Gin and tonics or even more so after brandy and coke, is quite something to be reckoned with. This 40kg ‘bag of bones’ of a woman is an 83 year old. Due to her age, ripened skin, white puffy hair and protruding hump on her back caused by a serious case of osteoporosis as well as a number of other factors, Brenda has received many nicknames such as Old Fossil, Dinosaur Bones and Hunchback of Nostradamus.
My grandmother has lived and learned over her 83 year existence. One of her lessons being not to trust her two sons with the money she received after her husband passed away. She now depends on her only daughter for pretty much everything which explains why she never spoils us, because she can’t. Another lesson being that maybe exercising at least once every while stands you in good stead, and dropping out of school at 16 also might not have been ideal.
I am convinced she consumes far too much alcohol for her age and size. Her drinks pallet consists of quite a variety. Gin and tonic or brandy and coke (which her son in-law has tried to ban her from having as it brings out her bad side) are what hydrate her daily. At night she usually moves on to a glass or three of wine, the colour does not concern her. Her sleeping remedy is the old brown sherry, which she claims works better than any tablet on the market. She outdoes herself at the best of times, for example the family arrived a while back all the way from Australia and Brenda was so pissed she didn’t even know what was going on. Oh Brenda, when will you ever learn?
As much as I love to complain about my unconventional grandmother, she is my blood. I respect that she looks immaculate every single day of her life, and has done so for as long as I can remember. Her snow white ‘afro’ as I like to call it, is redone at the salon weekly. Her attire consists of an abundant range of designer cardigans, pants and shirts. She dresses beautifully and gets her hair done, for whom? She barely leaves the house!
I must admit that I am certainly going to miss this wonderfully entertaining ‘’Old Fossil” when her time to knock on heaven’s door arrives. After all, she does make me laugh. They say you can’t pick your family, but I am glad I got given Brenda June as my grandmother.

Tags

Alcoholic, Grandmother, Humor

Meet the author

author avatar A.H
One day I wish to write about all my travels and exploration of this beautiful earth I am yet to do, but for now I will write about everything else I know.

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