The Bullys called Parents

Pollyal By Pollyal, 7th Jun 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Parenting

Anyone can give birth to a child, but does that make them good parents? Is it right to say what Parents do for their child is right - always?

Parents want nothing but the best for their children

Every parent wants to see their children excel. In India, formal education is one field where excellence is a must. Parents are ready to pay thousands and thousands just to make sure their child goes to the best schools, gets the best tutors and finally gets into the best job possible. A child now goes to playgroups as soon as they are able to walk and then continues for the next 15-17 years getting all sorts of degrees and formal educations.All good so far.
What a first glance does not reveal is that such good intentions are just the tip of an iceberg. Without realizing, such parents start having vehement expectations from their children. Their children must excel in studies. Some may feel that is only natural. I feel that is quite irresponsible.

Wishes or Expectations?

Recently I came across so many parents - all different kinds. But there was one thing common to most of them, save one. They all were possessed with their child's education. The common traits were :
- They did not let their children outside to play in the evening (reason they have to study)
- They were extremely unhappy with their children because they did not score good enough in the last exam (Well I dared to ask them the scores - it was over 75%)
- They would make their children study for hours everyday
- They would compare their child with that of others who they thought were better
- They already had goals set for their children (The poor children were just in the 2nd standard)
- Everyday they would just talk about how their child is doing in school - that was the only topic of discussion.

All these discussions vexed me to no end. I felt like getting up and telling each one of them that they are doing no good for their child. What they are doing is make the poor children live their lives - their unfulfilled wishes. A 6 year old needs to play - go out - get dirty. But their birth parents have decided that playing is a waste of time. The birth parents have decided that scoring 75- 80% is not good enough. The birth parents have decided that their childhood needs to be confined within the four walls of the classrooms and study rooms so that their futures can be secured.They are the birth parents. They can do whatever they want.

Good parents are rare, but they are still there

I felt a great deal of disappointment when I came to know these group of parents. But there was only person who made be believe that not all parents have turned into bullys. When all the parents discussed their child's scores and educational qualifications (they were only 6 year olds), this mother would actually get up and play with her child. She never discussed how good or bad her child was at school. All she said was her child understands her subjects. When I asked she said her child studies only for 1 or 2 hours everyday, but she loves reading story books. She was a kind of mother I would want to be.

Is Balance so difficult to achieve?

Every child needs to have an overall development. That cannot be achieved by just focusing on one area. It is not that confusing. 70% or 80% or 90% does not make much difference once a child grows up. When I look back to my childhood, I do not remember how much I scored in different classes. I remember what we use to play everyday. I cannot forgive if someone would have stolen those memories from me.
Schools and text books must help in developing common sense and analytical skills in a child. Those who gets further interested can do a Phd when they grow up. As a child they must learn to understand their surroundings and the confidence to take decisions on their own. A responsible parent will teach a child to take care of itself; not make the child dependent on them forever.
It is sad to see that instead of understanding that education, schools and colleges are just tools to make our souls and lives better, most of the parents are making it the center of their child's life.

Tags

Bully, Child, Childhood Memories, Children, Education, Parenting, Parents

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author avatar Pollyal
Enjoying my time here :)

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Comments

author avatar Lady Aiyanna
7th Jun 2014 (#)

There goes one wishing they weren't born. Much better, less population. Great Confession, keep up the good work...
Tell your parents to wear protection in the past and don't produce you as per the due date....

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
7th Jun 2014 (#)

Mum a diaphragm and the dad a condom with spermicidal jelly too. Three in one protection not to have you on the planet....

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
7th Jun 2014 (#)

Also sing Wanna get back in you bully mama. then walk backward, gun in hand to shoot dad because he made me in you. and add Bloody Bullies too to it.

Learn to take discipline and constructive criticism positively and change yourself as they had problems bringing you up too....

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
7th Jun 2014 (#)

They brought you up the best way they good and what you right is a representation of what you think of them.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
8th Jun 2014 (#)

A sad fact of life Pollyal where the childhood is robbed from our children. I told my son to only realize the consequences of his actions and reap what he sows, just be responsible for his actions or inaction. We get to a point of overdoing it. Nowadays, mothers are well educated and take teachers to task - in fact, some teachers dread to do what is right due to this habit. I have come across parents who are high achievers, in terms of money earned, who expect their children to be tops as a matter of right. It is not peculiar to India - I feel it is worse in China, South Korea, Japan. That is why there is a term in America that has become popular "Tiger mums". Try talking to them and they will retort - why not, the world is so competitive! siva

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author avatar Pollyal
11th Jun 2014 (#)

Thanks Siva for understanding, I really haven’t seen much outside India, but here, the trend scares me, and hence this page

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author avatar Ptrikha
16th Jun 2014 (#)

Perhaps parents are becoming so possessive about their children, that they are not allowing them to enjoy their childhood.

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author avatar n.c.radomes
8th Jun 2014 (#)

If I were to rate this article, I would give it excellent. You hit right the nail on the head; parents should not dictate or force their children to do their dreams or wishes.

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author avatar Pollyal
11th Jun 2014 (#)

Thank you so much n.c.radomes :) Parents no doubt love their children, and I guess it must be very easy in such love to they forget the boundary between their ambitions and another life's.

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author avatar Phyl Campbell
11th Jun 2014 (#)

Parents are often criticised no matter what they do. Either way the children will grow up and hopefully do their best for the next generation. Whether parents are tigers, deadbeats, or inbetween -- parents need our support. It takes a village for sure...

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author avatar Pollyal
11th Jun 2014 (#)

Yes Phyl, your point is right as well, parenting does not come with any guide, no rules... even then, how can someone excuse parents who forced their child to study till blindness, at the age of 10 years..yes, that happened to one of my classmates

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author avatar C.D. Moore
11th Jun 2014 (#)

I agree there is a fine line between encouragement and pressure.

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author avatar Pollyal
12th Jun 2014 (#)

Thanks for visiting C.D.Moore

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author avatar Ptrikha
22nd Aug 2014 (#)

Thats very much true, there could be overlaps at times, but we have to stop at certain stages.

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author avatar peachpurple
12th Jun 2014 (#)

sometimes parents didn't know what they did was wrong because nobody tells them.

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author avatar Pollyal
12th Jun 2014 (#)

That happens to everyone, it just that i had to write this down because i couldn’t keep it inside anymore..Thanks for visiting :)

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