Stop Domestic Violence Now. Not Wikipedia or Facebook.

christopheranton By christopheranton, 21st Jan 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Domestic Violence & Abuse

Violence in the home is a besetting sin of our age. There is nothing so horrible as living with an abusive partner.

Beware of an abusive relationship.

Quivering in the corner is not the solution. I have to do something, if not for myself, at least for the children, who shouldnt have to hear me screaming in the evenings after another violent attack. There must be some way out.
The pain in my left eye, where the scalding water, was thrown is excruciating. My fingers' the ones that got broken when the hammer was brought down on them, with the maniacal strength that my "life Partner" possesses during a frenzy period, are starting to swell to twice their natural size. I say natural rather than normal, for this is not the first time that they have been broken. I wont be able to use that hand for some time.
I feel so useless and defeated. I pray to God, if he exists, to take me out of this nightmare situation.

Things were not always like this. Oh no, when we first met everything was sweetness and light. The small attentions, and the compliments that were showered on me, in the early days really did convince me that I had met my soulmate, and the one person that I could spend the rest of my life with. I had a difficult upbringing, with a father that was seldom at home, as he was in the merchant marine, and a mother who was probably not as faithful a wife as she should have been. We children had to listen to the sounds of lovemaking coming from the big master bedroom, and know that it wasnt "our Daddy with our Mummy".
When our father did come home, most of the time seemed to be spent arguing, although I dont think he ever found out about the lovers. He may have had a "girl in every port" himself.

Anyway, with this background, it was easy for me to fall head over heels in love when I started to get treated as special. There were some warning signs, that I should have noticed. The most obvious one was the almost obsessive jealousy if I got chatted up by any other person, and there were sometimes massive sulks, if I wanted to go for a night out with colleagues from work.
Rather than being made wary by such demonstrations, I took them as reassuring signs that I was loved. I could still remember the loose nature of my parents relationship, and I felt good that that was not what I had.
After three months we decided to get married. Money was not a problem. I had been left a house by my grandmother, who doted on me. I was the only one of us working, but there was no mortgage to pay, so that seemed to be not a problem.

About a year after we were married the children came along. Twins; a boy and a girl. I loved them from their first second of life. If truth be told, the love that I felt for those babies, and their need for my love, that I could sense every day, strenghtened me to deal with the problems, that were starting to become more apparent in the marriage.
There had been some outbursts before the birth of the children. The exact time that it should take me to get home from work had been calculated. If I were five minutes late there would be an inquisition. I would be accused of seeing someone else. There were some pictures on my "Facebook"taken at some work outing.
"These are the people you are putting ahead of me" was the complaint.
I began dreading if there was a transport problem. I knew that my evening would be one of unalloyed nagging then.


It was when the twins were around a year old that the violence started. I think things were leading up to an explosion from when I had went back to work after the birth.
The jealous outbursts were becoming more frequent. I once had the newspaper snatched from my grasp, and thrown out the front window. I was accused of looking at dating ads.
Several times cups would be thrown at the wall, or plates smashed on the floor. Once some hot cooking oil was thrown all over my best clothes.
"That will stop you shagging around" I was told.


The first time I was assaulted was on a Friday Evening. There had been a signal failure on the trains and I was about forty minutes late in getting home. I had the usual sinking feeling as I approached the house. I put my key in the lock, and opened the door. Before I got to the living room all hell broke loose. The crockery was flying again, but this time, not to the walls or the floor. A plate hit me just above the eye. Before I could properly react, I was hit with an iron, wielded with full force. The blood coursed down my face.
The verbal abuse was as bad as anything I had heard before.
I wont repeat it all here; but I was accused of sleeping around, and told I was a "useless piece of shit", and more of the same.
Upstairs the babies started crying.

I didnt need to go to the hospital this time. The cuts and bruises, although they looked awful, were not so bad as to need medical attention.
Of course there was plenty of crying afterwards.

"I'm sorry"

"You know that I love you"

"I hate myself when I hurt you"

"I can change".

This is the kind of thing that was said, and because, on a certain level, I was still in love, I believed.
I felt that we could put the problems behind us, and move into the perfect relationship, that would be so much better than the one I saw my own parents put up with.

I was wrong. Things have got steadiy worse since. I try to pretend at work that the bruises and cuts are accidental.
It is too shaming for me to admit that my perfect marriage is a living hell.
Twice I have had my fingers broken. Once, when I was asleep, I woke to find my fngers being crushed in an electric nutcracker. The second time was today. I was doing washing up at the sink, when I was sneaked up on from behind, and a lump hammer was brought down with full force on my left hand. Three fingers were broken. The pain is agonising. Why does it always have to be those sneak attacks?

That is why I am sitting quivering in a corner. The twins, who are toddlers now, are at the top of the stairs. They are in so much shock that they are not even crying.
Oh God above, how can I get the three of us out of this living hell?
The police are not always known for their understanding in my situation.
My wife is gone out for a while.
Lord God. Please give me the resolution to be gone, with the children, before she returns.

If you were affected by any of the issues raised in this story, or if you want to find out more, visit this site.

Tags

Abuse And Violence In The Home, Abuse In The Home, Abusers, Abusive Relationship, Battered Spouse, Bullying, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence Must Stop, Spousal Abuse, Stop Domestic Violence Now, The Curse Of Domestic Violence, The Horror Of Domestic Violence, Violence In The Home, When Home Becomes Hell

Meet the author

author avatar christopheranton
Born in Ireland, but living in London since 1986, my main interests are reading, studying history, politics, and theology, and looking after the welfare of my cat. I like to write on a variety of subjects, make general observations on lifes dilemmas....(more)

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Comments

author avatar Denise O
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

Christopher, OMG! I am so , so sorry. First of all, YOU have nothing to feel ashamed of, you have done nothing wrong. You need to get some help for you and your babies. As hard as this will be, when she does come home, have her arrested. Abuse is not love, do not let that cloud your thoughts, your babies are what is important! Take a stand my friend, I wish I was close y'all could come over here, I mean it! Protect yourself and please feel no shame. Once again...YOU did nothing wrong! I watched my mama get abused for one too many years, it does effect us, even if the parents think we don't know. My mama sadly put up with that abuse until her death. No matter how many decades I pleaded for her to leave, she never would. I was lucky enough to get my older mentally challenged brother to come and live with me in early 1996. He no longer had to be in that hell. Christopher please take the stand, enough is enough. I am praying for you and your girls right now. Lord please help my friend, wrap your loving arms around him and his kids, please protect them all. Amen.
Christopher, I am so proud of you for letting this out, you have taken the first step by writing it down and sharing it with your friends on wikinut, now do the next step my friend, you and your kids will not ever regret it, I promise.
Denise.

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author avatar Denise O
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

My email address is homeskillet19@aol.com please write me if you need me.

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author avatar Denise O
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

Also go to the hospital, get this documented some how.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

Chris you are right the police often see this only from the other side - battered women.
As you have not said if this is a true account (as Denise has on her pages) I am not sure if you are related your story, or a possible scenerio.

If its your story I feel for you, and agree - GET OUT.

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author avatar christopheranton
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

Thanks Denise, and Mark for your very
supportive and heartfelt
comments.
The story is fiction.
But I feel that it reflects real things
that happen.
I just felt it was a story that needed to be written.
I'm single, and just live with my cat, and she doesnt beat me up.

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author avatar Denise O
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

rofl, not at what is in the story but @ your cat beating you up. Good read, you had me going my friend. I know some would be embarrassed, if they were me leaving this but, I am not, I would do the same the next time! You never know. Great writting my friend, you got me hook, line and sinker.
Well I am glad all is okay, I can now destress, sorry but, y'all mean a lot to me here in wikinut world. When you mentioned the kids, my heart just shrank and yes, it does seem true to life, I have lived it. WHEW! LOL
Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar christopheranton
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

Cheers Denise.
I'm glad your mind is at ease now.
It might be fiction, but it is something that is happening to
men and women all the time.
I based the story round some real
life ones that I have come across.

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author avatar Denise O
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

So true Christopher it sure does and we as a society must take a stand and open our pie holes when it does happen. Once again, a very good and sadly, true story for one too many.
I will see you in a few weeks.:)

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author avatar Carol
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

Chris you have expressed so well what some people go through, it seemed real. If this helps someone who has suffered in a similar way to get help, then you have done a great job. Great write, well done!

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author avatar Paul Lines
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

I agree with the others. If this has helped someone suffering in this way it has been inspirational Chris

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author avatar christopheranton
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

Thanks Carol and Paul.
I put in a link to a support site
at the end, if anyone needs it.

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author avatar christopheranton
22nd Jan 2011 (#)

You must be going on holidays Denise.
I hope you have a good time.

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author avatar Greenfaol
28th Jan 2011 (#)

Excellent story, and filled with truth. When we talk about equality, it's usually about redressing the balance of men over women but this is one situation where not only is domestic violence against men not recognised, but also male rape (in the UK anyway). I salute you for bringing this occurence to light xx

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author avatar christopheranton
28th Jan 2011 (#)

Thank you Greenfaol.

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author avatar D in The Darling
8th Feb 2011 (#)

You hit the nail right on the head.
Great article. Thanks for sharing and once again, I take my hat off to you!

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author avatar christopheranton
8th Feb 2011 (#)

dinthedarling.
Thanks,. Your approval means
a lot to me.

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author avatar Retired
8th Jul 2011 (#)

Read your piece before I read the comments got my hook line and sinker. But I agree this and other abuse is happening everyday in homes.

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author avatar Humza
17th Sep 2011 (#)

I might be intruding in ur space christopher and u might feel offensive but still il have to ask u that why are u still living with the lady??

What is that is compelling u to continue with this violent relationship, she might hurt the kids someday!
Either talk to her seriously and straightforward or aslk her to go to a rehab or leave her!

why r u making ur life a hell. its for ur kids sake as well christopher, u need to sort it out as soon as possible.
am late with ur writing and do not know at current whats the situation but u need to act now!

My prayers r with u ur a strong guy I know and u can and will do it!!
best of luck and stay blessed

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author avatar christopheranton
24th Sep 2011 (#)

Thanks Humza.
But you don't have to worry about me.
The story is fiction.
I only live with my cat.
This situation does really happen
all over the world, mind you.

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author avatar Humza
25th Sep 2011 (#)

Shooh :)

relieved to hear that!

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