Stay in touch with your friends.

Butterfly38 By Butterfly38, 17th Jun 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Friends

I lost many friends through my illness, but recently I was put back in touch with someone who I met on holiday, but lost touch with. I now understand the importance of staying in touch with friends and valuing friendships.

It started with a holiday!

It started with a holiday and those silly little trucks people ride around in. The children thought it was hilarious seeing a grown man riding what they labelled 'a holiday cart.' This person was a lot of fun, sometimes he did funny things that had me in stitches and made the children ask me many questions about why he did what he did! The funniest being 'Is he a teenager?' from one of my sons. That first holiday was difficult because one of my sons kept getting worked up and running of, but this person could make me laugh, even when I was stressed to the core, or my then illness depressed me. There are not many who could do that! I soon learned it was ok to laugh, smile and be a little crazy once in a while!

Now, after the holiday I felt depressed. I wasn't happy unless I was on my favourite holiday site. On that site, even though sometimes things went wrong, even a thunderstorm and flooding was a good laugh. At home, it was often lonely and boring, sometimes even really gloomy with some of the issues we faced, however mental illness can make things harder than they seem, and when your lonely it is harder.

We didn't go back for years, and I lost touch.

I searched face book but I forgot my friends last name, so it was hard to find him. I nearly gave up, and I was worried that after so long, he would not recognize me. I have done this with many friends through depression, cut them of because I felt worthless and forgotten to give contact details. There have been times that I've even given up on what could have been great friendships for fear of not fitting in.

However at this point there was severe issues. Someone in my family had also become really ill, payments were going wrong because of money worries, so we were unable to pay for things we liked including holidays and I had gone back into trauma again, which meant I didn't have much confidence, and I lost hope of ever finding my friend again. I was also embarrassed because the money issues had caused us to lose the one thing that we owned which was special to us

When we went back recently.

We went to say hello to some of the team that we knew on the site. I took the courage to say how much I missed my friend and why. Luckily I remembered his first name. It was funny because he was already talking to me and I did not recognize him, until he told me who he was! That really made my holiday special, and as we are going back, I know I will see him again.

Treasuring the fun times I remembered about him, then finding him again has taught me something. Never give up on a good thing, even when you are having a bad time or feeling bad about yourself, and hold on to those you know are good for you. The experience made me realize that I was letting my fear and my illness control me, by not giving myself or others the freedom to get to know who I was outside the illness. I had literally kept myself in a prison and tormented myself without knowing it.

I don't think he knew I classed him as a friend

We spent much time at this holiday site when we first started going, and the more I got to like this person, the more I recognized friendship! However, I never told him, because the fear of him running crept into me like a red hot fire.

I did learn from this, and now I try to feel that fear and take a risk, because otherwise we never know who our friends are, and having a social life with healthy friendships is essential to our well being.


When we left the holiday, I didn't get time to say good bye. Learning from experience, I noted the name fully this time and searched him out on face book. I was amazed when I got a reply! I thought because he worked on the site we stayed on, he would not want to stay in touch, but it's good, because on top of some of the emotional memories I have on the site, I have a good memory of a friend who made me smile, and we are in touch again. It takes a lot for me to not feel nervous around people, because my friendships usually go wrong, as a trait of the illness I have been left with means I also have an immature personality for my age. This can be hard, because I usually attract people much younger than me. It is rare I have friends my age.

However, while face book has a lot of negative points. It is helping me reconnect with people who live away from me, and when I remember full names, friends I want to stay in touch with.

Many think its wrong!

Many think it is wrong for me to accept this friendship. They have this silly notion that friendship with the opposite sex always turns into love. However it doesn't work that way. Before I got ill, most of my friends were male, but because of what was happening to me, I lost trust and broke those friendships of. I then persued more friendships with women, who also attacked me and traumatized me. Deep uncomfortable realization set in. I realized I could get hurt by both. There are some things that a person just can not protect themselves from. However, I realized that by giving up my male friends aswell as my female friends, I was going to end up lonely. I wanted to be friends with this person from the start, and I put of contact for ages because of vulnerability. Sometimes, while we have to protect ourselves, we also have to trust enough too. Friendships like relationships do not flourish without trust, and I am really happy to have found my friend again, even if the circumstances in which we met were absurd!


Facebook, Friends, Friendship

Meet the author

author avatar Butterfly38
I have recovered from several illnesses and I will be writing about the effects of these and parenting with mental illness. There will be many other topics that interest me too.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
17th Jun 2015 (#)

I keep my distance none the less as they have the equipment and it can do the job friend or no friend and I am not taking a change.
Sorry Butterfly, don't want no larva around and controversy having male friends although, that said I have my friends although all overseas, none local and that is enough to have caused a controversy with the husband back in 2010.
Any way he has a concubine now and overseas and I got to know of it when he proposed to me saying will you marry me and I was the legally wed wife and he got all the details of our married life wrong and it turned out to be his whore on his account and he was using my account acting as me.

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author avatar Nancy Czerwinski
17th Jun 2015 (#)

Butterfly38, thank you for sharing your article. Life can be hard but it can also be wonderful when you have friends that you can trust. Sitting down with a friend and talking about life's up and downs is priceless to me.

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author avatar Butterfly38
17th Jun 2015 (#)

I'm sorry you've had that experience Aiyanna. I am lucky in some respects, because my husband is very accepting of my male friends. I have had a few experiences before I met him, where I have been in relationships where I was accused of all kinds of things. In the end it turned out that those exes were having affairs, they were also extremely controlling.

My husband has lots of female friends and he works in a female dominated environment. Trust is a very difficult thing to find, when you've had things like what you stated happen to you. I can understand why you keep your distance. I was the same after the trauma I went through, it took me years to trust again, and still I don't trust easily. However, it is a nice feeling when you finally learn to trust. Though it is a hard thing to do, taking those high walls down you build around you, and sadly not everybody can do it.

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author avatar WOGIAM
17th Jun 2015 (#)

It is good you were able to find your friend again, good sincere friends are few and i hope you both are able to stay in contact in the future.

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author avatar pohtiongho
17th Jun 2015 (#)

Butterfly 38: Thanks for the interesting account. Many people also don't know that friendship must be maintained, like an equipment!!!

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author avatar Carol Roach
23rd Jun 2015 (#)

thank you for your precious story, I have several friends who are men and they are not my lovers and never will be, don't listen to those people who tell you otherwise

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