Single Parenting

piscescusp By piscescusp, 28th Nov 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Parenting

Whether you are struggling in this current economy, or not on the best of terms with an ex-spouse, or just having a hard time with balancing the day to day life of single parenthood.... you are NOT alone.

Life and Times of Being a Single Parent

Hello single parents, I'm here because I empathize with all of you and want to share my realistic perspective with those who can relate.
Imagine walking in these shoes, if you will. You’re a 49 year old single parent with a 9 year old son. Your son has been diagnosed in a faint gray area between ADD and Asbergers. Your ex-wife is clueless as to understanding a child’s mind since there is a cultural and language barrier so you need to constantly educate her as well as the teachers who also are clueless of this disorder and only care about curbing any behavioral issues. You know how to work within his personality when he is with you, but you can’t be everywhere all the time. You take him to group counseling once a week for 9 months, even the weeks he is with his mother because she dislikes any inconveniences in her day to day life that requires putting in an effort to schedule her own life. In the mean time you have been on unemployment’s limited income plan, food stamps and reeducating yourself in a new career where you can apply your empathetic and compassion for helping the elderly as a Certified Nursing Assistant. You know the income will be insultingly low for a position on the bottom nursing level, but it’s in your heart to be more giving with who you are as a person, since that has been who you are all of your life. You finally get established in this new career and now need to balance a new career and the school systems daily hours which are NOT parental friendly. You can’t afford the added cost it takes for child care so you need to plead with your employer to be sympathetic to the hours you need. Then you quickly find out that the career choice you made based on your desire to help the elderly who DESERVE and have earned the right to be cared for with respect and dignity, is insultingly governed by the system completely wrong. You battle with the lack of ethics nursing homes have and their deception of the government eyes that regulate them in order to financially “milk” the elderly, their families, the American federal tax system that lines their pockets….ok ok I’m getting political now and will stop, you get my point. Add to the child issues, the new career, thinking for your child, the ex-spouse, and the school teachers, you have a roommate who is making your life a living hell. You’ve lived with this woman, a best friend, for over 2 years, you’ve trained her Rottweiler pup to a 96 lbs 4 year old because her choice of dog had nothing to do with understanding the personality and animal nature of her choice. Plus you’ve had to maintain the cleanliness of the home because if not there would be a constant mess, and I don’t choose to live like a slob. You’ve watch for over 2 years the emotional relationship torture and pain she endured and have been the ONE and only person she has had to catch her, nurture her back to some sort of happiness only to watch her do it all over again, with the same jerk. When you can’t watch it any longer, expressing the utter insanity of it all, an argument erupts and suddenly you’re the bad guy….go figure!!

You rise above it, organize all that is going on in your life, begin to prioritize it all and make a plan to come out on top again, a place you have been longer than not. Then one day you show up at work only to find out that the unethical business practices of your employer and the industry on a whole have created, and I mean falsely created, a way to justify your dismissal of employment. Now you find yourself unemployed with the same list of personal and financial issues that you had finally accepted emotionally. So you’re laying in bed from dusk till dawn with this HUGE list of chaos running through your thoughts like a digital banner rolling over and over and over, and every once in awhile that imaginary bullet penetrates your skull and just for a second there is calmness . Then at some point you rise above it and look into your child’s eyes, feeling the love in his smile as he says “I love you, dad”, tears rolling down your face because you feel like a failure and that you’ve somehow let this innocent child down as the responsible parent you know you are and have been for so long. The holidays approaching, add to all of it is the financial burden of no Santa this year, a roommate who has you feeling you may be homeless at some point soon, I failed to mention she allowed her home to go into foreclosure. You graze the internet looking for work, filling out every possible online application possible, and creating job search agent’s one after the other. You stumble across those “enter to win” buttons on the local television station websites hoping you will win that $5000 shopping spree at Sears so you can pick out a few high ticket items and sell them on craigslist in order to build up some cash reserves to move, pay bills, and make sure your child has some resemblance of a Christmas in order to put a smile on his face because lets face it a child really can’t comprehend the magnitude of the given situations. You even begin expressing your thoughts in blogs, literary sites that give you some faint hope that you will create income. Hope is always on the menu, reality is always the soup of the day, and the main course is yet to be cooked to perfection. You need to dig deep in the pit of your soul, rise above the negativity in this reality pit. Talk to your spiritual side, or build up your positive inner energy and cast it deep into the universe hoping to feel its return with positive inspiration….whatever your belief core is……and rise above it like the master of your own life.

I look into the eyes of my son seeing the warmth and purity in his soul, I feel his unconditional love, the innocence of his youth, hear his words of wisdom as he try’s to show he understands the magnitude. He says things like “I just want you to be happy, dad, you know I love you”, bringing tears to my eyes with each word. I watch him sleep, feeling his innocence, loving him so deeply, wanting to make him proud……….remembering the day he came into my life as a foster child at 5 months old, remembering the day the adoption was finalized and thinking I have been blessed, and feeling this child came into my life for a reason…….he save my life by allowing me to give him the purity of my love. This is why as a single parent in the jungle of life, with all the road blocks, that feeling of being all alone I have this deep desire to rise above it all and at some point I will look down on what I have conquered and kick some dirt in its face.

Look into the eyes of your child, your children, feel the warmth in their unconditional love and know that nothing really matters more than giving them your unconditional love back. Make a plan with all that is going on in your life, organize it all and rise above it….one day at a time.

I love you Cody, my son, I love you with all my heart and soul…..the tears I shed are tears of my love for you, and you make me want to be a better father, a better person every day.

Tags

Child Care, Childcare, Children, Childsupport, Family, Family Life, Family Love, Raising Kids, Single, Single Family Home, Single Life, Single Men, Single Parents, Single Women

Meet the author

author avatar piscescusp
I am a single father, 49, raising a young child. I am a Pisces on the Aquarius cusp and according to Myers-Biggs I am a "Conceptualist" with intuitive thinking and intuitive feeling qualities, making me more of a minority thinker in society. All th...(more)

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Comments

author avatar piscescusp
29th Nov 2010 (#)

I hope all you readers have a happy holiday!!!

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
29th Nov 2010 (#)

good page, please read the moderation notes I send with the publication note, I often offer tips and suggestions on how to EDIT and improve your page...
not everyone knows to read them when new.

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author avatar passion4life
30th Nov 2010 (#)

Nice article! Cody is blessed to have you just as much as you are blessed to have him. I have alot of respect for single parents.

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author avatar piscescusp
30th Nov 2010 (#)

thank you, it is ME who is blessed, he truly DID save my life when he came into my life...... I don't ever feel complete unless I can "give" love, and I didn't have that luxury when I was married....she wasn't a very recieving nor giving person, and when Cody came into my life...well you can see how it was a blessing. Ray

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