Saying Good-bye to a Social Butterfly

Katharina By Katharina, 15th Jan 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Bereavement

Not dealing with the the loss of a loved one will lead to health complications.

Dealing with the death of a child

It would have been my daughter’s 21st birthday a few days ago. She died almost six years ago.
My grief for her lose only recently came to a head. I pushed it away for many reasons besides just not wanting to deal with it. I was also five months pregnant when she died. It was already a difficult pregnancy because of my diabetes.
I pushed the grief away and concentrated on having a healthy baby boy. After my son’s birth I pushed the grief away again and put everything I had into taking care of him.
It wasn't until he was two that things started going wrong with me. My grief had manifested into a rage inside me that I found exploding from me. Just small things set me off. My son set me off regularly. It doesn’t help that he is as hard headed and stubborn as I am.
I stopped taking care of myself. My diabetes was uncontrolled which left me vulnerable to infections. I had a cyst develop on my abdomen. I got it taken care of and went about life – still not taking care of myself.
A year later I had another cyst develop on my backside. I was admitted to the hospital and put on intravenous antibiotics. After a four day stay in the hospital I went about life.
Then in another three months I was back in the hospital with another cyst under my arm. It was much more serious this time. I had so many infections it was in my blood.
I had many symptoms of the other infections but I had ignored them. I went about life until my body said, “No More!” I was in the hospital for a week.
I took care of myself a little better after that but I was still vulnerable for infections but this time I went to the doctor as soon as I showed signs of the infection.
I had a blowup at the doctor’s office. It all came out about my daughter. That is when I realized that holding my grief inside and not talking about her was the cause of my temper explosions and my recent health problems.
As soon as my son didn't need me as much I went back to work and college to keep my mind off of my loss. It was utter insanity.
Now a year later I am still working on it. I still have my moments that I hold everything in but most of the time I do not hesitate to talk about her with people that do not know that I had a daughter.

Tags

Diabetes Control, Grief, Health Issues, Infection, Loss, Loss Of A Child, Loss Of A Loved One

Meet the author

author avatar Katharina
I am a graphic artist for a publishing company that deals mainly in community newspapers. I am interested in writing about conservatism, education and family

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