Riding the Porch

Robb714 By Robb714, 8th Sep 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Daily Life

If you travel around the south, you can easily distinguish the indigenous populace from the invaders by observing their porches. It is a long standing tradition not yet understood by our neighbors from the north.


Before the Yankee invasion nine out of ten porches (stoops) were occupied (someone there) most of the time or at least at certain times of the day or most likely after a meal or event. Technically while appearing to not be going anywhere, if you consider the Earth rotates at millions of miles an hour hurling through the Universe, even sitting still on the porch we are actually traveling through space and time. Having recently discovered the Sun does not revolve around us but the other way around just proves my point. While recently upgrading to a bigger one, I am pretty sure it is nothing like Al Gore’s new one at his twenty-five thousand square foot house in Malibu. Can you imagine? That’s as big as my little farm. Being from Tennessee I am sure he has one even though I haven’t received an invite yet, maybe someday. If my latest book, “The Planet Doesn’t Have a Fever, Albert Does,” ever takes off, perhaps I can upgrade my porch but that is neither here nor there. For us southerners (indigenous folk) riding the porch is an age old tradition going back centuries, before the invasion (more on that later). Whether, just watching the world (at night the universe) pass by or just visiting with relatives, the porch has been a sanctuary from the stresses of everyday life and just a place to rest or get out of the house. It is a safe place (weather pending) that we can go to get a way from it all.

What happens on the porch stays on the porch

Like I mentioned, it is like home base for the weary. You can do things out there that would be frowned upon in public or inside the house (as long as po po is not involved). Be it smoking, smoking crack, drinking, writing or just solving the world’s problems, it is a heaven for all that are burdened with the travails of life. It is the perfect place to hash out family problems as well as resolving neighborhood and world issues as well. Left, right in the middle all opinions are welcome, you don’t have to agree but just listen. To my knowledge no one has ever been banned from expression on the porch unlike the Guardian.co.uk. If it’s on your mind just let out which usually happens after a few libations anyway. I am not saying illegal activities have ever transpired there but I have heard there is a diplomatic immunity involved. Like the historic beer summit at the White House one time, it is a proven fact that if you have something to get off your chest and mend bridges or solve squabbles this is the place to do just that.

Great place to let it all hang out

Whether it is dirty laundry or just to feed your indulgences and pets (many, many cats) it is always the one place you can feel secure in yourself (unless you are getting shot at then get inside) and know you are welcome. So the next time you are driving or walking by come on up and hang out, leave a gift, package or pie is always great. If you see something weird or strange going and feel uncomfortable going just turn the other cheek and come back later. The law of the porch is all are always welcome unless they are not and in that case get ready to dodge bullets baby. If you have a porch, spend more time on it and decorate it up to express your inner self and personality. We only go through life once and if you don’t have one you are missing out on the biggest part of it. Thanks for reading and comments are always welcome.


Al Gore, Community, Home Life, Law, Living, Porch, Southern, Stress, Writing For Money

Meet the author

author avatar Robb714
I love cats and my dog. Making the world a better place for all humanity and animals, is my goal. My past is very blurry and my future is uncertain. People should know, I am a very dynamic and interesting type of person. I taught Batman self-defense....(more)

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author avatar Denise O
16th Feb 2012 (#)

Love it Robb! I have a nice front porch and I just love it. The dogs and I go out there and of course I wave as folks wave to me, as they drive by. I am sure I am not on the snake oil salesman Al's invite list but, it suits me just fine. I actually did the barbecuing for the Super Bowl on the porch. Yep, some good times to be had. Love the use of po po, that is what I say also. I mean it in a good way, as I like our little police station here and those that occupy it. Another southern thing for the most part, I find. Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Sheila Newton
25th Feb 2012 (#)

I would love to live in a house in a place warm enough to sit out on the porch. Oh, my porch would be the most beautiful porch. I'm sure UK Sheila could work quite easily into the way's of the USA's south!

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author avatar Robb714
26th Feb 2012 (#)

Well UK Sheila the only thing you would have to do to fit in nicely here in the south is occasionally put some ice cubes in your tea!

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