Psychological Perspective of Love

Ram Bansal By Ram Bansal, 20th Jun 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

‘Lover’ and ‘beloved’ are the two secondary words derived from ‘love’, and I take them as indicative of psychological process that goes on in the minds of the two in love. These words tell us that out of the partners, one is the lover and the other plays the role of beloved in the process of love. Therefore, both are not at par with each other at any point of time. However, they may be playing different roles at different times.

Lover-Beloved Equation

The lover-beloved equation is not an active-passive relationship but a transaction in which the lover offers his/her love and the beloved accepts with pleasure. Beyond this point, both play active roles in cultivating the relationship to take it and keep it at the climax. This is possible only when one is in the driver’s seat with the other as the rider. By this equation only, a synergy of desires is set for a fulfilled relationship. If both keep on going in their own respective ways, this synergy is missed leading to a mismatch. For a fulfilled relationship, one must watch moves and desires of the other partner and synchronize his/her moves and desires with them. In this process, it may be required from the other person to keep his/her desires under control for the time-being. This is what is meant by being a beloved, or submissive.

A Game of Passions

Love is a game of playing with passions of one another. A passion is always a psychological thrill for the person added with a hurry to achieve the goal. In such a situation, if another partner is found to be reluctant to come forward for any reason, the passion is dampened leading to problems in the relationship. May be that the other person has his/her own compulsion of not coming forward, but such compulsion is not understood by someone getting passionate. It is even not advisable to provide any explanation for a person in a passionate mood. The right strategy to deal with the passion of the other is to submissively surrender and cooperate for the time being until the moment of passion is over. Remember that a passion knows no logic which must be kept reserved when the two are out of their respective passionate states.
When a partner passionately asks his/her partner for a moonlight walk with hand-in hand, the former is the lover and the latter must play the role of the beloved, with instantly agreeing to move out. Having an excuse, say an interesting TV show, at such a moment for not going out proves detrimental to the relationship. If a partner finds the TV show more important, then he/she must ask the other partner to share the entertaining moments with him/her before the other partner asks for a moonlight walk. In every such case, the initiator is the lover with the follower being the beloved.

Sacrifice makes the Core

Another important psychological factor for a relationship is willingness of each partner to sacrifice his/her own schedules, tastes, likings, etc. for the sake of the other. I reiterate willingness, which does not mean actually sacrificing and this will must be made known to the partner. No sensible partner will ask for such a sacrifice if not too much distasteful to him/her. A sacrifice is never a thing to be asked for but a thing to be offered. The partner making the offer is shows his/her pleasure of becoming the beloved of the other partner, or granting the status of lover to the other partner. Even responding to a passion of the partner is a sacrifice.
Sacrifices do include many changes in one-self to readjust with the partner. Any partner saying – ‘I am what I am, love me or leave me’ is just opposite to willingness to sacrifice, therefore detrimental to the relationship. Such a person must stay alone rather than making and breaking a relationship.

Sex works as a Fuel

In a loving relationship, sexual satisfaction of the two works as a fuel to keep the flame of love up. Else, it may fade away if the two are not otherwise bonded very strongly. Again, the pleasures of sex are things to be provided to the other partner instead of getting for the self-gratification only. A provider has a right to expect the same pleasures getting back from the partner. In this respect, women are often found to be suppressing their desires more than the men. It is for the men to take better care of satisfaction of their respective women.
Sex is more of an art than being just a matter of physical strength and capabilities. The game is required to be played strategically gradually arousing passions in the partners mutually to come forward to participate vigorously. Touches play the most important role in arousing such passions as are important for display of mutual love.

Care and Share

When one partner has some sort of pain, it is for the other partner to provide adequate care without being asked for by the suffering partner. Neglecting a partner in trouble is highly inhuman and may lead to a break-up soon.
Pleasures are for mutually sharing between the partners. If one cares for only getting a pleasure for the self only without caring for the partner, or keeps some pleasures for the self, he/she is regarded as a selfish person by the partner, and that proves detrimental to the sweetness of the relationship in the long run.


Beloved, Care, Love, Lover, Passion, Relationship, Sacrifice, Sex, Share

Meet the author

author avatar Ram Bansal
An Engineer in the wonderland of Authorship, principally for authoring eBooks. My writings principally focus on psychology, Indian politics, philosophy, health and happiness in routine ways.

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author avatar brendamarie
21st Jun 2015 (#)

Great article, Every relationship is a back forth of give and take.

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author avatar Ram Bansal
21st Jun 2015 (#)

Thanks dear Brenda @brendamarie for concurring my view.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
21st Jun 2015 (#)

Love is an emotion that has two sides to it. Real love is platonic and pure and when it transcends into mutual consent through dignity and want of the soul it begins to ripen into a passion that poses a threat to darkness and other predators who look powerful enough to grab it but lose it for the sake of respect that belongs to one. It is when that happens a sexual contact based on mutual trust and emotion of love takes place unlike todays modern day where lust is just a game played and some for keeps for a short term duration of life.
Believe it or not, some just use lust to create a bond of love but there is no understanding between the two to comprehend the wavelength or binding to create a relationship.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
21st Jun 2015 (#)

Lust is not a fulfillment as you can pay for that in a whore house and get it. But when there is real love, you find it is a different level altogether and that level is only seen when two souls beat as one and not any other time.

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author avatar GV Rama Rao
30th Jun 2015 (#)

A fine explanation of love from the psychological point of view. It's a matter of give and take. I, however, tend to disagree with one partner being submissive. The beloved joins the lover on equal terms and not submissive as you suggest. I don't think the feminists will accept this view either.

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