Pioneering joint custody? Analysis

vandana7 By vandana7, 2nd Jul 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Divorce

Children often become the bone of contention in Indian divorce cases. Cases prolong. One of the judges has recently come up with a proposal to let parents have joint custody rather than letting only one of the parent get whole and sole rights on the child. The fine print is not yet out but the proposal has merits.

Tug of war and guilt

As adults we know if two friends are fighting, and we are fond of both, we do not side any, even if we know something about the situation, and have been witness to the wrong. Instead, we try to say don't drag me into this.

But the child does not get to do that!

He or she loves both the parents. But one of the parent is out to prove that the other is demon, and paints everything about the sparring partner as black, at times using child as a witness, and at times, citing cases in which child was corrected. Did the parent think that the child would feel less guilt for answering in yes and no about a situation that needed more explanation? Younger ones may be easy to brain wash, but teenagers are likely to feel guilty about the stand they took against the other parent, even if they were right, because it is a stage of confusion in their lives. Hell, even adults can't decide at times, but parents who are supposed to be god's blessings do that to their children. The child becomes an introvert, and may actually develop aversion towards the parent who asked him or her to testify against the other parent. The parent too knows that he or she is guilty of wrongly accusing the former partner, and tries to bribe his or her way with the child, teaching the child that it is ok to be wrong - you can always get away with it by bribing later. Was it worth indulging in tug of war game with the child bearing the brunt of it all?

I agree there might be enough reasons for divorce

In the past, I might have said stick to the marriage, come what may, "till death do us apart" if a child is in the picture.

But over the years, my opinion has changed. I realize that there are impossible situations, and the child's psyche will be disturbed watching the brawls and suffering the stony silences. Or perhaps physical and mental abuse.

So perhaps, divorce may be justified if it is for child's mental and physical health? I will just say I am more open to the idea now, than I was about a decade ago.

But fighting for child's custody in revenge is wrong

That is selfish, that is cruel, that is unfair, and that ruins the child's future. If and only if the other parent is ill-treating the child, misbehaving with the child, or is teaching him or her wrong things, or is irresponsible such as alcoholic, or gambling addict, that such fight should come into picture.

In all other cases, child has the god given right to two parents, and if that be denied, he or she should be allowed to sue the parent who fights for the custody unfairly - on becoming an adult. That would be the way I would have done it to reduce such unfairness towards the child.

Effectively, infidelity, incompatibility, and monetary altercations do not entitle only one of the parents to the sole custody. But the lawmakers have been sub-consciously biased. They have often favored mother over father, because their minds are conditioned into believing that mothers do a better job of bringing up the child, and the father does not contribute as much. They could not be more wrong. Absence of responsible father in life, is like walking over cliff's edge facing the constant risk of falling. The experience can be mentally stressful for the child.

Proposed amendment and its implications

The proposed amendment to minors rights in divorces supports my view, though I am not sure whether the laws sufficiently safeguard the rights of minors if there is evidence of physical, sexual, or mental abuse etc., by one of the parents.

Presuming such provisions exist in the amendment, many of the silly cases will no longer waste court's precious time.

And divorces will also make the earning partner pay for the child's education up to the age of 25 as per this proposal. The earlier limit is 18 years. Many children - now adults are still students at that age. Since joint custody is proposed, the earning parent may not object to this amendment at least.


It is nice to know that at least somebody has child's interests in mind. Those who say they love the child obviously do not.


Child, Children, Divorce, Joint Custody

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author avatar vandana7
Hi...I suddenly remember ABBA ..I am nothing special...hope you like what I write, and I like what you write.

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author avatar Retired
2nd Jul 2015 (#)

Good points made, Vandana.

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author avatar Retired
2nd Jul 2015 (#)

Good points made, Vandana

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13th Dec 2015 (#)

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26th Dec 2016 (#)

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