Perfect Daughter Mother Never Wanted

SweetPeas By SweetPeas, 15th Mar 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

A journey through my life and the twisted and strange relationships I have with
my family.

The Perfect Daughter My Mother Never Wanted

When my mother knew she was pregnant with her fifth child, she must have been elated with the thought of having another son. Then, I came out and was a girl. Imagine the disappointment on my mother’s face as I slowly and painfully made my exit. She must have said something along the lines of, “Another girl? I already have one that’s such a pain and now my youngest has to be another girl…” If only someone had videotaped my mother’s facial reaction during my birth. I think that would be priceless. And maybe I could've sent the video to America’s Funny Home Videos to win $100,000 for my trials and tribulations of always being the unwanted child in my family. But, I digress.

So, you may be wondering how and why I came to this conclusion. I mean, aren’t all mothers supposed to love their children (regardless of gender) unconditionally? In theory – yes, mothers should love their children regardless of anything. But, in actually and certainly in my case the answer is no. Having strong Asian cultures (where boys are much more favored than girls) and traditions (one that says girls are useless and boys are better) does not help with my case either. I was fighting a losing battle and didn’t even know it. Well, let’s begin with my “a-ha” moment when I came to conclude that I was the unwanted child in my family of five. It all started after college.

I graduated cum laude in 2006 from Simmons College with a Bachelor of Arts in Economics and Finance. I was on the Dean’s Honors List for four years and had an astonishing GPA of 3.9 out of a 4.0 scale. I worked several part-time jobs during college to pay for my own textbooks and tuition. And to top off my many accomplishments, I barely attended a college party nor did I drink or did drugs. I had thought that was what my mother wanted, and I was so excited to fulfill her expectations. Growing up, I listened and obeyed to what she preached. Don’t do drugs. Check. Don’t drink alcohol or party like a crazy person because Asian traditions only value conservative and respectful ladies. Check. All items on the “do-not” do during college were completed with success.

After graduation, I worked full-time, bought a condo (to settle down and to invest), and had extra money to spoil my mother and family with gifts. I did everything I thought my mother wanted and much, much more. But, it turns out that wasn’t enough for my mother’s satisfaction. I could never satisfy her or will ever hear her say to me, “Daughter, I am so proud of what you have accomplished. And, I truly love you for being my strong, independent daughter.” Why? Well, it’s because I wasn’t a boy that she would have favored. If I was a boy, just attending college was enough for her. She would have said to me, “Son, you make me very proud to be your mother. I love you.” And unfortunately, I was the unwanted daughter that she had to deal with.

I was a perfect daughter (maybe to some) but not to my mother. Whatever I thought was the right thing to do wasn’t what my mother wanted from me. Should I get pregnant at 16 like my older sister? Should I do drugs and drink away my brain cells? Or, should I just end up working at a fast-food chain serving fries all day? Would my mother be proud of me then? I don’t know. I just don’t know. Maybe I should give up on seeking that approval and attention from my mother. And, maybe she’ll start appreciating me for who I am as her blood, her youngest daughter.


Asian, College, Culture, Daughter, Favor, Love, Mothers, Relationship, Relationship Issues, Unwanted

Meet the author

author avatar SweetPeas
I love everything in life and enjoy what life has to offer. I love food, cooking and baking, fashion, shopping, music, travel, sports, and arts and crafts.

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author avatar Nilesh bhimaji pawar
26th May 2010 (#)

this the nature of world, when we have cool we want hot when we have hot we want cool therefore humans are fool.
once H.H. Radhanath swami told one person when he was depress Be like Ocean if rain falls it does not affect ocean level and even there is no rain it doesn't get dry.The perfection of love (State of happiness) is achieved only*** when the person who we love is Krishna (The Supreme God)

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author avatar Humza
15th Mar 2011 (#)

Ur mom knows that ur a perfect daughter, all what the problem is that either she doesnt want to realize the fact or she is facing some confusions in doing so!
But one day she will, u keep up ur good work and good doings bcoz its the right way to lead ur life and stop expecting a compliment from mum, one day unexpectedly she will compliment u sweet peas and I KNOW IT!
have faith, best wishes!

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
14th May 2015 (#)

I am happy that things are getting around and many mothers in Asia are happier with girls for the simple reason they are more dependable and because boys have to get their wives' approval! Trust you are doing great now - siva

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