Parenting By Individuality

EmpressStarred Page By Empress, 10th Nov 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Parenting

Each of us is a unique individual. This means our children are their own person as well. Learning to treat them as such and parenting them each in a unique way can lead to a happier home and stronger more trusting relationships between parents and their children. These are a few things I've learned as a mom of four extremely different and unique boys as each of them has grown.

Types Of Parenting We Use

There are two types of parenting techniques that all parents lean towards when raising children. We either do the opposite of what our parents did when raising us or we do the same. Often it's a back and forth technique between the two. We either say "It worked for me when I was your age" or we say "this is what would have worked for me at your age". We often go back and think of what we as children experienced from our parents and base what type of parenting we use on our own children based on that. We also tend to categorize or label our technique and think "If it worked for number 1 it will work for number 2" and so on and so on depending on the number of children we have. What we almost always tend to forget is that each person, each child, is unique in their own individual way. We may have loaned our genetics to their creation but we did NOT create their souls or their personalities. We help to mold them, to teach them wrong from right, give them morals and values, but they are their own individual person. This means that not everything that worked for us as children will work for ours, and not everything we think was negative to us as a child will be negative towards them. And it especially means that one parenting technique will NOT work for ALL the children. We have to stop assuming they are just like us, or lumping them into one group.

What I Have Learned

I have learned this through much trial and error. I also have been conducting my own little "experiments" with parenting each child from the womb right up until now. The influence we have on our children is tremendous but what we do to influence them, nurture them, discipline them and raise them will have different effects on each of them. As what our parents did had certain affects on us, negative and positive. We have to remain flexible with how we decide to parent each child and keep our base technique as merely a starting point. A guideline. We have our base morals and we will ALWAYS include these in our parenting but we have to find the right way to instill these into each of our children in a way that is effective to their unique and individual personality. Don't try to force the life we didn't get on our children but encourage them to rise up and be the best they can be in all of their endeavours. We have to be careful not to live through them but to live WITH them. This means making sure that they know that once they become a parent this doesn't mean they leave themselves behind to be something else. Nurturing ourselves is just as important to their development as nurturing them. Showing them we have hobbies and skills, a personality of our own that is not just mom/dad but also friend/wife/husband. Unique individual. By showing them this we are allowing them to become who they are and to not feel the pressure to be something they aren't comfortable being.

A Few Good Things To Remember

I parent each of my four boys differently. It's a long process at times and can lead to frustrations and complications but has some pretty awesome affects on each of them. I have specific rules that they ALL must follow and then I have a smaller list of rules that is individual to each child and their unique personality. This can sometimes lead to "Why can he and I can't" or "Why not me" situations but by openly communicating and explaining to them why goes a long way. There are times when it feels like I don't have energy or time to explain, but....I have a good thought that goes through my head in those moments. While working at the restaurant there was a huge issue with newer servers dropping dirty dishes in the serving area, or near the dish pit but not bringing them straight to the dish pit and putting them where they belong. This also lead to messes and disorganization when servers were rushing to get bills ready, drinks served, orders taken...etc, etc. I used to tell the new servers that it may seem like you don't have time to put it away, or take those extra five steps to the dish pit but...when you really think about it, it's less than a minute of your time. In most cases 30 seconds. By taking that extra few seconds to clear our area properly it saves minutes of trying to clean or reorganize at the end, or when we need to. Everything runs more efficiently and nobody gets frustrated or upset. There is ALWAYS time to take the necessary steps. We are not dying tomorrow. We CAN be late sometimes, and if we can't it's even more important to keep things running smoothly. This is why it is important to always communicate our whys or hows effectively to our children. When they can understand there are fewer melt downs and far more time for memories and fun times. When I only have the answer of "because I said so" I know there is only one boy that doesn't question it. If I'm explaining to the other three I use the same mind set but word it differently. Often I'll use my imagination to concoct some funny little story of why and they become so intrigued by it, they don't question it anyways. It becomes an elaborate and imaginative Q and A that gets us all laughing.

For New Parents

My best advice for new parents is to not get bogged down by others parenting techniques. Take advice but take it with a slight grain of salt. Each child, each of us is entirely unique and each situation is different. In the end pay attention to what works best for your child and expand on that. And do it with each one as individuals instead of as a group. This will bring everyone closer and will help to make each child feel loved and validated for the person that they truly are instead of feeling like they are less or don't fit in.

Tags

Learning Process, Lessons, Parenting, Parenting Advice, Parenting Teenagers, Parenting Tips, Parents Home Life, Uniqueness Of Each Individual

Meet the author

author avatar Empress
I write and have published poetry and was editor of the school newspaper all through highschool. I can write a variety of different genres from articles to novels

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Comments

author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
11th Nov 2014 (#)

Awesome post and informative as well, cheers for sharing it!

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