One Week of Online Dating and Now I Am a (Mad) Social Scientist...

Lisa Partee By Lisa Partee, 9th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

This is just one of the experiences I had attempting to re-start my love life...yeah...that didn't turn out so well. Or did it? Actually, since I have found out who I am and discovered that I have a "voice", I think it ended very well! He'll think twice, at least, before he tries that again!

One Week of Online Dating and Now I Am a (Mad) Scientist...

I don’t get it…what was I expecting? For one week now, I have been walking (circumspectly) through the confusing and sometime dangerous world of online dating. I feel as though someone has taken me from my home and dropped me unceremoniously into a foreign land full of cock-sure men that are all “easy going and laid back.” This place is full of strange rituals and behaviors and the dialect, while seemingly familiar, is full of innuendo and inferences that completely escape me. Yes friends, the former Raunchy Girl can now often be found sitting before my computer, cheeks burning and hoping my children don’t innocently peek over my shoulder to see what I am working on, wondering, “What the f**k did that mean?”

Please, allow me to once again, share a snippet of a message I received:

…before you my existence was

inconspicuous a minor part, only now I’ve acquired

a semblance of substance for you have inflamed my

heart, your sensual qualities subdue admiration,

subjugating this soul, encouraging me to assumes

passions position regardless the risk or toll, eliciting

me to rehearse amorous activity designed to force the

nectar within you build, till no longer can you contain

the pressure as the evidence soaks the sheets where spilled,

your alluring frame seems to be magnetized, influencing

my mouth’s aspiration to attach, sough is a connection

to your lips, hips, breasts, clitoris, neck and back, no

area will experience prejudice, devotion in it’s entirety

to you I intend to give, fascination with this single aim

has become the primary purpose for which I breathe

and live, relentless thoughts of you fuel my intimate

intensity, igniting a wanton inferno to create, methodic,

erotic objectives I harbor wishing earnestly to communicate,

psychologically I’ve mapped the contours of your body,

imagining the lower regions concealed, yearning

to lap them lavishly lubricating the sweet areas…



Now, I know I have been out of the game for a while and there was that issue with the addiction and all–but is this something I need to know about before I go much further? This gentleman boasted of a master’s degree in technology! Is there a secret, master’s level composition course in The Art of Seductive Gibberish?

Okay, I’m thinking I need to take a look at this from another angle…I need to look at this from a socio-vantage point to try to understand what influences were in place that produced …whatever that was. So I wrote back to him. (You knew I couldn’t resist, right?)

Dear Mr B,

I received your message earlier and I wanted to take some time to respond to you. Firstly, I want you to know that I love words and language-they are like art to me.

I am very new to the world of online dating and I am beginning to suspect that I am not going to be very good at it. I honestly do not know how to respond to introductory messages that are overtly provocative and full of innuendo-sexual or otherwise. The writer in me wants to start a social study to ask women what is considered standard and/or acceptable behavior and conversation on these sites. I think maybe I also want to know if I am responding as “normal” women do when receiving the varied and colorful invites from prospective “dates.”

I can only deduct that you are an educated gentleman with at least average or higher intelligence. Now, we don’t know each other but I am so, so very curious–do the ladies you message actually respond positively to messages similar to the one you sent me? And what types of ladies do you find that are most receptive? Young? Old(er)? Ahem…freaky? Or maybe the ever-popular “bad bitch?” I must be a very old soul or maybe just an impossible prude because I am so completely confused by your introduction. Please sir, I am not trying to be ****y, I am asking for your help to navigate my way through this world of online dating. Also, you are not the only one that has done this so please don’t feel singled out or picked in any way. I’m thinking that this is just anonymous enough to be a good learning experience for me…and maybe you.

After reading your message, I became afraid! What if “

you build, till no longer can you contain

the pressure as the evidence soaks the sheets where spilled,

your alluring frame seems to be magnetized…??” OMG…! What does that even mean? Last week, I ignorantly started an account here, innocently thinking that surely, men at this point in their lives must desire more than carnal, frivolous, very surface encounters. I don’t mind being vulnerable and transparent with you when I tell you that I so very disappointed with my experience here.

From the very top of my head to the tips of my toes I am grateful, Mr B. I am so grateful that at the age of 46, I know that I am pretty. I know that I am sensuous and confidant. I know beyond knowing that I am a hell of a woman any if I ever find the one somebody that I can share all those attributes and more with…I won’t be left feeling vaguely dirty and definitely diminished at the end of the day.

Sadly, I suspect that you are probably angry or at the very least, defensive at this point. I ‘d ask you not to be. I don’t know you…I’m sure I could never pick you out in a crowd. And sadder still, I bet underneath all the provocative, flowery language meant to seduce…or reduce me-I am sure there is a man that can be strong and smart and gentle and safe and funny and wise and honest and kind and respectful and that has wonderful stories to tell…I bet there is.

Well sir…please don’t be offended. This was an honest attempt of one human reaching out and trying to connect with another human. I am planning to delete my account very soon…this isn’t fun to me. LOL-I am so glad that I like my own company and can entertain myself for days!! Please have a good evening. I would ask for you to respond but I am afraid that your response will be angry and scathing. So…good luck in finding what you are looking for.

Yours truly,

Lisa P.

(deep breath…) I really hope he receives that well. I’m grateful that I wasn’t angry when I replied to him. But I suspect when/if he speaks of me tomorrow while standing around the water cooler with his buddies, I’ll simply be referred to as “that crazy b****.” That’s alright…I choose to believe that while I was channeling my inner “sociologist with a particular emphasis on women’s studies” that something in him understood that he may need to rethink his next attempt at impressing the ladies. Maybe he will look at the one he desires and sees her as something lovely and worthy…not just a being that only wishes to reduce…I mean, seduce.

Lisa P.


Confused, Humor, Online Dating, Relationships, Sociology, Women

Meet the author

author avatar Lisa Partee
My name is Lisa and when I wake up in the morning, I think about writing...everything I look at throughout the day tells me a story...and before I go to sleep at night, I thank
God for this "gift".

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