OliviaGrace's First Rec Night...Cause for Pause?

Lisa Partee By Lisa Partee, 25th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Kids

While parenting my Kreepy Kidz (term of endearment) I have learned to be swift and decisive as I choose "parenting techniques" from my mommy bag o' tricks...

OliviaGrace's First Rec Night...Cause for Pause?

I am really slipping, folks. For two weeks, OliviaGrace has been unduly motivated to bring her glasses home from school, complete her homework in a timely fashion, helping around the house without complaint, being nothing but “peaches and light.” And I have to admit and say that I have been a little smug thinking, “Yeah…just look at the fruits of my fine parenting skills…” (((SCREECH))) Then it hit me: all this stellar, upstanding, and commendable behavior strangely started about two weeks ago when she heard that she was going to “rec night”. That sneaky little cow…!

(dream sequence as follows…) It was 1979, St Paul Lutheran School, weather unseasonably warm-almost balmy, low, ambient lighting, and the throbbing pulsating sounds of Donna Summer undulating through the dim cafeteria…Me, standing there with my baby blue tuxedo shirt with the huge ruffle that started at my chin and went a l l t h e w a y d o w n real sexy like to my freshly ironed slacks, watching the speckled lights from the rented disco ball reflecting wildly off the braces and Afro-Sheened shiny face of my one true love…Randy.

Last dance,

Last chance, for love

Yes, it’s my last chance, for romance, tonight

I need you, by me,

Beside me, to guide me,

To hold me, to scold me,

’Cause when I’m bad
I’m so’ so bad ……

For the love of Baby Jesus who rose from the dead on the third day and ascended into Heaven and it sitting on the right hand of God the Father…WHAT WAS I THINKING??!! I immediately have a full understanding of the gravity of the situation at hand. It is imperative that I make this a (ahem…) teaching moment that could possibly set the tone for the dreaded teen years that are coming. I must be swift and decisive. I know exactly what tools to grab from my mommy bag o’ tricks: GUILT, FEAR, AND A CONVINCING DISPLAY OF LATENT PSYCHIC ABILITY! I don’t have a lot of time here folks, it’s tomorrow night!

Me: (all casual like) OliviaGrace, do you know what “rec night” is?
O: (excited) Yeah…me and my friend are going and, and …
Me: You don’t even know, do you? (insert light, tinkling laughter) I will tell you everything you need to know! But first, let me tell you all the things (thunder clap and clouds rolling quickly across the sky) you are never, ever to do at rec night…! (long, piercing stare into her brain and soul) You are to always, no matter what, stay in well lit areas where the adults are! They are trained to save your life if they have to but they cannot do this if you are out of pocket, off the radar, in-cog-negro…whatever. You, under no circumstances, are to leave the building, go “looking” for a friend you haven’t seen in a while, go to the bathroom alone, slow dance with boys, twerk, do drugs, kiss hold hands look too long fall in love catch a ride with so and so’s mom drink gin roll a doobie pop a molly cuss…and so on.

She stands there silent, completely mortified. Good! I quickly silence her sister as she tries to molest the entire moment by regaling us with memories of her shenanagans and carrying ons at her rec nights! “You hush now!” I hiss. ‘This chile’ got no bizness hearin’ dat mess out yo’ mouf! You tryn to ruin her?” Yes, I think I did resort to “slave” talk in that moment. I don’t quite know why, but the theatrical effect was most satisfying. For a moment, I could tell that my youngest was asking herself if mommy was okay or should she use that emergency phone number I made her memorize if anything bad ever happens.

Look…I am not ashamed. I know that this “mommy magic” isn’t going to last forever. And I know that she is going to go there and do some things that she wouldn’t if I were right there looking. She might cuss. I imagine there’s gonna be a twerk-fest to some insane Nicki Minaj music. And boys. And mean girls. But I have to trust. I have to believe that she knows how to behave in all types of settings when I’m not around. That’s the goal, right? To raise our children to go into the world, be a part of the world, and to contribute to the world. And hopefully, be a light to the world. Wow…why am I worried? OliviaGrace is a Light. She won’t stray too far. I can’t be selfish and keep her only in the places that I am comfortable. (deep breath) Wow!

Okay, world~~~here she comes…OliviaGrace AKA “Cookie” Get ready!

God help me!

Lisa P.

Tags

1979, Dance, Disco, Donna Summer, Fear, Guilt, Humor, Kids, Magic, Moms, Psychic Ability, Psychology, School

Meet the author

author avatar Lisa Partee
My name is Lisa and when I wake up in the morning, I think about writing...everything I look at throughout the day tells me a story...and before I go to sleep at night, I thank
God for this "gift".

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Comments

author avatar Stella Mitchell
26th May 2013 (#)

Loved it Lisa . I hope OliviaGrace took your well orchestrated advice. :-)
God bless you
Stella ><

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author avatar Stella Mitchell
26th May 2013 (#)

ps . This deserved a star .

Bless you
Stella >I< >I<

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