My path followed...leads me to writing on wikinut Part 1

Denise OStarred Page By Denise O, 1st Dec 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Domestic Violence & Abuse

This is the start of my journey, of how I finally found the nerve to put my fingers to the keyboard, write on Wikinut and let it all out.

Mom and I

I was born just shy of 3 months early, they gave me my last rights and then just waited. In 1963, it was unusual for such a premature baby to survive but, survive is what I did. When I was 3 months old, we moved to Okinawa, where my dad was stationed. I can still taste the rice balls my nanny would make me when I was a toddler. When ever I think of those times.

Don't get me wrong, we were not rich, far from it. It was just cheap to hire a nanny in Okinawa and mom worked outside of the home, also inside our home was not easy work, might I add.

I had a wonderful mother. I had a lot of good times as a child, with her. Mom was there as much as she could be. Mom was a victim of physical abuse, by the hands of my dad. It didn't stop there. Dad I guess, didn't get enough of his frustration out on mom, so he then started on us kids.

One of the good things about my dad being in the military was, there were times he would have to leave us. A few times it was over a year he was gone. Twice we stayed with mom's side of the family. The happiest times of my childhood was with them and mom.

House of cards fall

To the outside world, our home seemed normal. Mom always had the house clean (my dad would not have allowed it to be any other way), our yard was always looking nice and groomed. There was always a garden. Us kids were dressed in nice clothes and the dinner table was always set. We even had a white picket fence around our home in Okinawa. What lurked behind that facade was rotten to the core though.

At least at first, meal times were okay. Dad was being fed, had a beer to go along with it all, he was happy. He would allow us to at least have a bit of fun during that time. That didn't last long. I remember one day Dad came home, he seemed like he was more angry than usual. Dad yelled for us to come to dinner, we all sat down. I asked Billy if he could pass the bread, my dad told me to shut up. After that night, we were to sit, eat and then we were given the pirviledge to say "May I be excused please". We no longer had that some what, normal part of our day.

Living with a monster, called Dad

Like most kids, once I had gotten old enough to understand that this way of life is not normal. I had no where to turn. I was on a island (Guam) and it was a long way from the only true normalcy I had ever known. That would be with Mom's family, the one she grew up with, back in the United States.

Dad's drinking had esculated during our years living in Guam. There was no pleasing him, no matter what us kids did, it was wrong. Mom started to work outside of the home after my little brother was born and that left my two older siblings and I alone, when our dad would get home in the evening. Drunk and mad, of course.

Our little brother was spared the torment, as Mom took him to work with her. Mom worked in the childrens nursery, on base.

Add some more baggage please

If my older sister had a school function (she was in high school), I then would have to go next door and our neighbors would babysit me. You would think this would have been a relief but, sadly it wasn't. I was molested by the father of that household, repeatedly for nine long months. The monster did the usual thing of telling me, that if I told anyone he would kill my mother. So I didn't, at first.

A older girl that they also babysat for, told her mother what this evil man was doing. Her mother told the MP's and they started a investigation. The investigator came to our home and asked my sister and I if the monster had touched either one of us improperly. We both said "No!". Then I started crying and it all came out.

We went to court and the conclusion was... A man in the military and that rank wouldn't do such a thing. They sent him and his family back to El Salvador and that was the end of that. For them that is, it stayed with me, much longer.

Back to the good'ol USA

When I was 13, we moved back to the states. I was in the middle of my 7th grade year. Dad was still drinking very heavy and his hand seemed to find me more than it use to and not in a kind way. You see, I was not one to take his crap, I fought back and this made him mad.

We moved to a small town in Utah, I hated every minute of it. I hated my home life, my school life, every thing about it. I was teased at school, called a nigger daily. Teachers would turn a blind eye to the cruelty the kids threw at me. Who knows, maybe they too thought of me as a piece of dirt. I finished out my 7th grade year.

I went to the 8th grade, things were getting even worse at home. The police were called by our neighbors repeatedly. Every time the police would come, Mom would tell them everything was just fine. In September of my 8th grade year, my life changed drastically.

The day of my independence

I was in my bedroom and Dad stumbled in drunk. He took one look at me and punched me in the face. I was no longer shocked by this, it was the norm. I pushed him and ran out the door.

I had, had enough!

I decided the streets were a lot safer then my home, so I left. Very few times did I ever look back. I'm not saying everything was fine after this and all things were just peachy keen but, I finally took a stand!

California bound

After I left my parents house, I ran to California. I was one of those kids on the streets, most turn away from. They're just bad seeds, most think. I worked two jobs, during the day, I worked at Taco Bell and at night, I worked at a drive-in movie theatre, in the concession stand.

Yes, I have dumpster dived. This is when you are so darn hungry, even trash looks good. Nothing really gross, a half empty bag of chips, maybe a box of donuts thrown out by the people that worked in the gas station and the place I called home. I lived behind the dumpster of that gas station for a little over a month until I saved up enough money (so did two other kids I had gotten to know on the street), to rent a apartment.

No one ever asked us for ID or even asked why such youngster wanted a place of their own. We had the money, that was all they were concerned about. I lived there for eight months. I started to miss Mom and it was very hard living on your own. That was when I decided to call my mom. As soon as I heard her voice, I broke down, heck we both did. Mom asked me to come home and I was willing to give it a chance, I was a kid after all. Mom also informed me that Dad was doing better and he had stopped drinking.

I came home

My friend came and picked me up at the bus station, she took me to my parents house and when Mom opened the door, we both just fell into each others arms. After all the pleasantries, Mom informed me that I had a warrant out for my arrest and the best thing for me to do, is to turn myself in.

My friend drove me to the police station, I told them I had a warrant out for my arrest for being a run away. I was handcuffed and put in a police car. The whole time my friend was yelling "This is not right, bring her back!", as she was banging on the window in the police station. I spent 3 months in detention. I was home no more than 2 weeks when Dad was no longer able to keep up the farce of being that changed man.

Dad being Dad

Even though I didn't complete the 8th grade, they moved me up to the 9th grade and I was going to high school. Once again, the same people, same crap! I was once again called bad names but, at this point in my life, it just rolled off of me, like a water rolling off a ducks back. I wanted to get a education and I did not want any one to stop me, the kids at school or the man that lived in my home.

Around 3 months later, I was walking by my parents apartment after school and I just happen to look into the kitchen window. I saw Mom being pushed back, over the kitchen table and Dad was choking her. I ran as fast as I could, Ientered the front door, ran straight to the kitchen and pushed Dad off of Mom. Dad turned towards me and preceded to beat the mess out of me.

I got up, I didn't cry and I looked at him and smiled. This had to have made Dad mad because, as I entered my room, Dad was right behind me and as I turned, Dad punched me in the face.

I leave again

Dad finally left the room, after some choice words, I packed a brown paper bag with my belongings and I left. A week later, I was sleeping in a park with my brown paper bag tucked under my head when I was awaken by a young mans voice, "Excuse me, Excuse me but, you can't be sleeping in the park." The young voice said.

I woke up and this young kid of about 12 years old, was looking down at me. I jumped up, ready to fight, as he took a step back he said "Don't worry about me, I'm not going to hurt you.". We talked for about 15 minutes, he told me how he was staying with his brother and he was sure his brother would take me in. So I was a, "hey, I found it, now can I keep it", kind of thing.

I had a brotherly relationship with both of them, until one day this young man's brother, said to me "Denise I am suppose to go out on a date but, I would rather stay here with you.".

I married that man

I was married at 17, I had my son at 19 and my daughter at 21.

We are divorced now but, we both have found spouses that we love. Well over 2 decades ago.

I was still trying to shake off the mess going on in my head from the past and not being very successful at doing so. When life decided to take another swipe at me.

I was 25 and once again, I was faced with the physical abuse from a man...

Part two
Part three
Part four

Tags

Abusers, Child Molesters, Children Abuse, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Voilence, Molestation, Molesters, Physical Abuse

Meet the author

author avatar Denise O
I live in Georgia, USA. I am a granny to 3 precious children. I am Mama to Bugg and two human beings. I was once married to a wonderful, Dan.

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Comments

author avatar Barbara10Broek
8th Dec 2010 (#)

A tribute to the survival of the human spirit.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
8th Dec 2010 (#)

wow Denise, you sure have a heck of a story to tell. Please do link the parts together later when you have them.
I would love to read more.
*Hugs*

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author avatar SiddiQ
8th Dec 2010 (#)

That is a beautiful story. I shall wait for part 2.

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author avatar Denise O
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Yall are too kind, I tell you.
Barbara, we all survive as best we can, with the cards we are dealt.
I am just glad I broke the cycle with my kids.
Mark, I am about to send you part 2. I will link them together, thank you for your kind words and for all your help.
Thank you SiddiQ, you are a sweet heart.
Thank you y'all for taking the time out to read about little ol'me.:)

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author avatar igorgriffiths
8th Dec 2010 (#)

great writing puts everything into perspective.

Glad to hear you managed in your own way to get through it.

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author avatar Denise O
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you igorgriffiths for your kind words.
Yes, I am managing just fine.
I have a great family that has helped me through it all.
That would be, my husband, my kids and my older brother.
Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Jerry Walch
8th Dec 2010 (#)

In a way Denise, I can identify with what you went through. I didn't have an abusive father but a very abusive mother. My father was a good man and a very heroic man. He died shortly after I was born from wounds he received in combat. He had been wounded several times before receiving the wounds that sent him home. He had been decorated several times for valor, including the medal of honor and two purple hearts. People that knew him and know me use to tell me that I took after him in the sense that I fear nothing but fear itself. My mother on the other hand tried to kill me, literally, several times and probably would have if it hadn't been for my grandmother, her mother, who would drive her off me with a baseball bat. If it hadn't been for my grandmother and my aunts that raised me, I would probably have grown up hating women. My mother ran off when I was seven or eight and that was one of the happiest days of my life. It's funny how history can repeat itself because my first wife turned out to be just like my mother. She wanted to kill my son before he was even born. I told her that if she did that I would kill her. I stayed with her long enough for my son to get old enough to travel and then we left. I swore I would never marry again. Then I met Eileen eleven years ago and the rest of the story you know. Of course, if you or anyone else were to ask me I would tell you that it was Eileen's cats that won my heart over :-))

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author avatar Denise O
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Jerry, I know you can relate after reading what you have written. I like you, had a wonderful parent, it just happened to be my mother and you, your father. Where as I was grateful to have had her until May 2009, after I had to tell the doctor to take the respirator out because, that is what my mama wanted (I am working on that story now), this after we both fought together for her life. For 4 1/2 weeks, while she was in the hospital.
I had my mama for all but 1 of my 47 years here on earth. You didn't have the priviveldge to have your wonderful father around to raise you. I am so sorry.
I know some people might not understand but, I had a wonderful relationship with my mother. She was a fantastic lady. She went with my dad all around the world, with 3 kids, while he fought in Nam. She was a very brave woman, inspite of staying with dad. Her only weakness. I witnessed her helping refugees and soldiers off of planes and helicopters, while we lived in Guam, bloody and scared, in 1973 (I think, sorry it has been a long day), her and other wives not even worrying if they would catch something or backing away from all the bloody misery they saw, they kept going! Who I am is because of her.
I am so glad you had your Grandmother and Aunts, I just adore mine! I think they do and should play a vital part in our lives. I know, I am both and you better believe, I do know what kind of impact they can have!
For you to have to deal with it again with your wife had to be so very hard on you and brought back a lot of awful memeories but, you are like so many of us. We only grew stronger with each blow. I admire you for taking your son and it just warms my heart to no end, that you found your Eileen.
I too found my Dan after a divorce. I think he is introduced in part 4. I love the fact that we both stopped the abusive cycle that was given to us. I know your dad has been looking down since this very heroic man passed and he is so proud of the man you turned out to be. I know I am.
You are on my John Wayne list. Few men in my life can live up to that standard and my friend, you are for sure on it!
Thank you for sharing, it means so much to me. :)

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author avatar Carol
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Denise, you are a strong and determined lady, I like that, and am so glad you have found happiness now.

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author avatar Denise O
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you Carol. I think the same about you.
Carol, I have been blessed many times over and I am grateful for each time.
Thank you for stopping by. It is always a pleasure.:)

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author avatar passion4life
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Wow Denise, you have been through so much and you still stand strong. Thanks for sharing!

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author avatar Denise O
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Passion, thank you for your very kind words.
Also, thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar MightyDreamer
9th Dec 2010 (#)

The power of dedication, wisdom strength and inspiration lives in your experiences

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author avatar ppruel
9th Dec 2010 (#)

what a beautiful journal you shared here. some parts of the story remind my young life.

Wether you like it or not I'll send this off to twitter and facebook - also part two.

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author avatar Denise O
9th Dec 2010 (#)

Mightdreamer, you always make me feel good when you take your precious time to visit my pages.
Thank you for always being so sweet and supportive.
Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Denise O
9th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you ppruel, for your kind words and for thinking this is one to be shared.
You are a true friend.
ppruel, I have no problem
with you sharing, it is all the turth and the truth is just that...
the truth.
Thank you for everything and also, for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
10th Dec 2010 (#)

Denise, forgive me for posting this link by Jerry, he does link back to your page. I just want to make sure others will see it too.
http://family.wikinut.com/Domestic-Violence%2C-An-Epidemic/12_dsq0u/

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author avatar Denise O
10th Dec 2010 (#)

Mark, no problem I was going to link it to mine but, I took a nap.
I am just now on again.
I work at night. LOL
I was planning on sending my page back to you tonight.
I just wanted to ask you one thign first...
Do you have a suggestion on how I should place it?
I would love to link our two stories together.
Thank you!

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author avatar Infonymph
10th Dec 2010 (#)

Simply stupendous articles - this and Part 2. Is it strange that you, Jerry, and I have all ended up writers? My extremely sadistic father was recently sentenced to life in prison for murder in Florida. It was the only time the authorities prosecuted him. Ever.

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author avatar Infonymph
10th Dec 2010 (#)

P.S. My father was a Marine.

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author avatar Denise O
10th Dec 2010 (#)

infonymph, hon I am so sorry.
You just remember, let this be his burden, you did nothing to get him there, it
is all on him.
I have always wanted to be
a writer since I picked up
my first book. Green eggs and ham, tyvm.LOL
I have always been interested in photography also.
I just decided to raise a family and let those things lay to the side.
I also always questioned my ability because, of my lack of education.
Now my kids are adults and one has made me a grammy, in this last year.
So, I needed to tak a chance on some thing, I am a doer.
I also find, those that have grown up in a abusive household and then chose the right path. meaning, broke the cycle.
Tend to be creative in one way or another.
My escape was reading when I grew up, so maybe that is why I chose to write.
I think we all did things while going through this or after
we got away, to fill our minds with joy, in one way or another.
If that makes any sense.
Once again, I am so sorry you had to live with this abuse, you did not deserve any of it.
I have seen abuse in military and non-military families.
One of my biggest heros has always been my hubby's father and he was exactly what a Marine is suppose
to be.
A honorable genteman.
Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Angelique Newman
11th Dec 2010 (#)

Truly heartbreaking Denise; I feel so bad for all the things you went through.
I'm so glad it's behind you and you're here with us now.
You too Jerry and Infonymph. It's horrible what some people go through.

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author avatar Denise O
11th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you Angelique, hey it's life. We all broke he cycle and that is what matters.
It was eons ago and yet still in my face.
My dad is still living, my mama passed away in May 2009. But, it all works out in the wash.
Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Humza
15th Dec 2010 (#)

Densie I pay u a tribute for all what u hv been facing and the strength with which u hv fought it back!
Hats off to ur spirit!!! I seriously have nothing else to say, I feel really small after reading ur story!
Oh densie If I were to meet u i would really have given u a standing ovation for ur courage and quality to live up to ur life for others and for ur kids!

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author avatar Greenfaol
15th Dec 2010 (#)

You are a strong lady, a survivor rather than a victim and I have a great deal of respect for that, and for you.
From one survivor to another xx

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author avatar Denise O
15th Dec 2010 (#)

Himza, your words are so sweet and they touch my heart. I think we all have that strength in us.
I am at loss of words over your comments, so very kind.
Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Denise O
15th Dec 2010 (#)

Greenfoal, Yes, I feel we are susvivors. Good for you and for me I think.
A lot of folks think that we all turn out bad but, a lot of us are actually well adjusted.
We just had a bit more odds to over come.
I'm glad to know you are one of those people.
Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Humza
15th Dec 2010 (#)

densie uradmirable spirit and strength is what leaves us loss of words!

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author avatar Denise O
15th Dec 2010 (#)

Awww Thank you (((Humza))))
Sorry for misspelling your name...oops!
Thanks my friend.:)

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author avatar Humza
15th Dec 2010 (#)

never mind
iron lady

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author avatar krrymarie
18th Dec 2010 (#)

Such a heart breaking story Denise, but it has made you a stronger a the person you are today.
I hope this help other poeple that are or have been in your situation.
Hugs for you so brave in sharing this x

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author avatar Denise O
18th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you Krrymarie, once again for your kind words.
That has been my goal in writing these pieces of my life.
In the hopes it might help.
Thank you for the hugs, hugs, are always appreciated and hugs back.
Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar urguide
30th Dec 2010 (#)

beautiful stroy

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author avatar Denise O
30th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you urguide for your kind words. I really appreciate them.
Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Blunt Head
20th Jan 2011 (#)

Wow...your life journey is inspiring!

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author avatar Denise O
20th Jan 2011 (#)

Well Blunt we all have our burdens we must overcome. I am not saying I was perfect about it but, in the end, I turned out okay. Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by.:)

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author avatar c4collins
23rd Feb 2011 (#)

Denise, I was glued to this article until the end...you should consider writing a novel or something because it is so profound. I want you to know that Jesus loves you and your strength of character is so inspiring!! God bless you and your family, and I will definitely be reading the next "chapters" you provide...

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author avatar Aileen Tecson
2nd Apr 2011 (#)

Wow! too much pondering and beautifully crafted article. truly comes from the heart..

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author avatar Denise O
2nd Apr 2011 (#)

C, I am so sorry, I missed your message. Darn I just came across it. Thank you hon, that means so much to me. Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Denise O
2nd Apr 2011 (#)

Thank you Aileen for your very sweet words. I really appreciate you taking the time to start at part 1. As always, thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Retired
6th Apr 2011 (#)

What am amazing story to tell. I imagine it took great courage to write it. I had a wonderful family, but have many friends who were abused by parents, relations or husbands. It is sad this happens. As someone said, "you should have to take a test before you can have a child".
Good for you surviving it and becoming so strong.

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author avatar Denise O
13th Apr 2011 (#)

Thank you Jill for your very kind words. I know a lot of experts say that a lot of kids grow up in abusive families think that violence is normal. I never did. I always knew it was wrong. No one would believe me, I mean not even my relatives back then. They do now. It took too many years though. I know a lot of people think what they went through made them who they are, I can honestly say, I have gained some knowledge as time goes by, that's for sure but, I still have the same mindset as the little girl in these pictures. I can happily say, my kids never lived this life and I am so happy I stopped the vicious cycle of abuse with my family.I am so happy you had a wonderful childhood, all kids should. Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar goldsongbird
30th May 2011 (#)

All I want to do is Hug You darling and take away the hurt.Stringing up is too good for these black hearted people whether they be drunk or sober there is no excuse for their actions.

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author avatar Denise O
7th Jun 2011 (#)

Awww thank you goldsongbird (love the name) for your sweet words. I do agree, people use this, I am a drunk excuse all the time, I find their is no excuse for their actions, what so ever. I will take the hug, as I like them but, he no longer controls my life in the very least. Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Steve Kinsman
22nd Jun 2011 (#)

For you to have gone through what you have endured and to come out of it the beautiful person you are is a testament to your shining spirit, Denise. Your father's experiences in Vietnam must have damaged him severely. I don't think I would have had the strength to survive what you did. Bless you.

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author avatar Denise O
22nd Jun 2011 (#)

Sure you would Steve. We all have our hits in life and we just grab ahold of our boot straps and carry on. My dad was gone, way before Vietnam. He was always mean to mama and us. He fooled my mama's family, then as soon as Mama said "I do.". He whisked her away from her family and started his abuse, sadly. This was before he joined the military. Some people are just cruel. Bless you my friend and thank you for your very kind words and also for, taking the time to read a bit about me. Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Bridgitte Williams
23rd Oct 2011 (#)

Wow, you have really been through it...so sorry. I was a premature baby born in 1965, all they could do was put you in an incubator and pray..I am also a domestic abuse survivor. Some of my close family members were also alcoholics, recovered now, thank God. Amazing, so many of us share a lot of hard life experiences, but you know what? It makes us stronger. and, we love harder and deeper. I believe that. :-)

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author avatar Denise O
24th Oct 2011 (#)

I agree with you, it does make us stronger. I am so sorry you too had to deal with this kind of life. No child or person (period) should have to. I am so happy your loved ones learned their lesson, I wish mine would. Oh well, it is their life and no longer mine but, it is so sad they choose to live in this dysfunction. Thank you for stopping by.:)

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author avatar Katherine Johnson
1st Aug 2012 (#)

This story is painful but hey the person you are now is a revelation to all those who think they would not make it coming from such a background. Thank you for sharing.

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