My Very Unique Boys

EmpressStarred Page By Empress, 10th Nov 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/8u4ibegl/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Kids

It's truly amazing how unique and different each of my boys are. How each child we bring into this world becomes their very own person. It's extremely important to get to know them on an individual and personal level to ensure their success and happiness in life.

"Help Us Help Him"

I am a single mother of four very amazing and special boys. They are my entire world, the main reason that no matter the struggle or the stress I continue to push forward each and every day. My boys haven't had the easiest of times in their short lives so far and I live with that guilt each day. As time goes on and I watch them grow it becomes more and more important to me to know them. Really know them. Build individual and personal bonds with each of them for who they are and not just because they are my children. Parenting for me is as much a journey as any other relationship we step into and it takes time to get to know them, to truly understand them and give them what they need to become healthy, happy, and well rounded adults. After the family split it became apparent that the boys were struggling with feeling torn and lost within the middle somewhere. It was at that point that I changed the way I viewed each of them. Over the period of time since the split I have had to deal with many meetings with teachers, principals, guidance counselors, and social workers. They have always asked me the same question, "Help us understand him. Give us some insight into how we can help him achieve his best. What works for him?" And it has been consistent with all three school aged boys. At the beginning it was hard for me to help them help my boys. I didn't actually know them as well as I had thought. It occurred to me that I could tell what worked for them as one but not as each of them individually. I began to take time out of my week off while they were at their dad's to spend quality time one on one with each of them. Not only did I learn more about their individual and unique needs and personalities but it began to have an astounding affect on their overall behaviour and mood as well as strengthening the bonds I have with each of them. Now I can answer in each meeting how they can help my boys achieve their potential. But honestly, the meetings have cut down immensely since I began this endeavour into knowing each of them better.

The Defiant Empath (Leader/instigator)

Bailey is my oldest at 12 years old and has been a very difficult boy to raise in the past, and sometimes still is. He's at an age now where he is discovering more about the world and about himself and often enjoys locking himself in his room to do his own thing. He's stubborn to a fault and thick headed at times. Often when he's struggling he starts to act out on very defiant ways and it has taken me years to figure out what works best with him. One on one time with him usually doesn't take much. He likes to be heard and have his feelings and thoughts validated. Often just sitting down at the table with him and hashing out his day with him makes a world of difference. His favourite thing to do these days is to get himself a cup of tea and sit down with me and just chat. Like going for coffee. He just wants to be treated as the big kid in the family.

The Introverted Empath (Artist)

Evan will be 8 next month. He's quiet and almost always very well behaved. He dislikes chaos and loud noises to the point that he will shut down and hide in a corner if it is too much for him to handle. He's not a snob by any means but he isn't comfortable in new situations or with many people around and doesn't really like to talk much. He would rather have one really good friend than have a group of friends. He hates to see people upset or hurting and will do anything he can to cheer that person up. He's an empath and an introvert much like his mother and this can cause struggles in his everyday life. Because he seems so withdrawn from society and public in general the school often gets very concerned that he is socially awkward or that he is internalizing his emotions. He rarely cries and even more rarely gets angry or has any sort of outburst at all. He's so good sometimes that it's easy to forget he's even around. One on one time with him usually involves taking him out for a walk or an icecream. He's lowkey and enjoys to do things that don't involve huge crowds. Lately him and I have taken to painting or drawing together. We don't really talk much but just sharing the space and doing something he really loves to do seems to be enough for him. Painting is a huge release for him so sharing in it even helps me get to understand him more.

The Extroverted Empath (Actor)

Aydin is 6 and he's my drama king. If he's upset everybody will know. He wears his heart on his sleeve and turns to hysterics and literal heartbreak if he realizes he's upset or hurt anyone. He's often heard to say something like "Now you have a broken heart" if he's in the middle of an emotional break down. He's not shy by any stretch and has no problem vocalizing what is going on in his mind. Often he comes across as wanting to be the center of attention or being needy but I think that's only because he's so much louder and emotional than his other brothers. He will be the first person to tell you how beautiful you are. He will always notice if someone has done something with their hair, or if they have a new outfit. Compliments pour from his mouth all the time. But he is not afraid to ask for compliments either. He's extremely affectionate and dare I say, a little bit of a romantic as well. I can honestly say that I am the center of his world right now and any time I give him becomes a huge treat. One on one time with him consists of being silly or dancing. Reading stories in silly voices....he's all about having fun and doesn't think too much about going out, or having money spent on him. He just wants to share a laugh.

The Mischievous Empath (Charmer)

Braxton...my three year old...and coincidentally, the baby boy of the family. That says a lot right there. He knows he's the baby of the family and he's embraced that position. He's sneaky and devious but such a little charmer and heartbreaker as well. He is pretty well rounded and is eager to learn everything about everything around him. He's determined to be a big boy like his brothers but isn't afraid to pull out the baby routine if things don't go his way. But make no mistake about it, if he sees that someone he cares about is upset or crying he will drop everything he's doing to find out why and how he can help. Often he will give big hugs or even a lick on the face. Yes, lick. He thinks it's funnier than a kiss. He has qualities of the other three boys all wrapped up and mixed together to create his unique personality. He is still quite young though so he often gets far more one on one time by default than the others...and he's not afraid to rub it in their face either, little poophead.

Loving Them For Who They Are

I love watching how each of my boys grows and becomes so individual from one another. So unique and special in their own ways. Sometimes though it is hard to explain to them that the one on one time activity I do with one boy isn't necessarily the same activity I will do with the other one. I hear a lot of "what about me" or "why not me" in the home. But it's my job as their mother to nurture each of their unique personality traits and build a bond with each of them that is wholly and entirely unique to them. I love them all the same, I have no favourites, but I love them all in different ways. Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, and yet so rewarding. To look down at these beautiful children and know that the great people they will become in the future is entirely dependant on what and how we nurture them now....it's a blessing and a curse at the same time. But remembering that each of them is unique and different and that what works for one may not work for another can go a long way.

Tags

Individual Difference, Parent And Kids, Parental Love, Uniqueness Of Each Individual

Meet the author

author avatar Empress
I write and have published poetry and was editor of the school newspaper all through highschool. I can write a variety of different genres from articles to novels

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Comments

author avatar WOGIAM
10th Nov 2014 (#)

I was so touched to read your story, you are a strong and wonderful individual and encourage you to stay strong, continue to shower your boys with UNconditional love, time, prayers.
It may not be easy but with determination, it is possible and well worth it.
God bless

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
10th Nov 2014 (#)

We have about 14 in our family. Just One of my own. The rest are adopted not legally under open adoption. Take care.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
10th Nov 2014 (#)

Kids are always a blessing and make our home and place very lively.

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author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
11th Nov 2014 (#)

Every child has unique character and talent. For me, as long as they contribute to the general well being and enjoy what they do, we have done our part as parents. Thanks for this uplifting post, you are indeed blessed to be their mother and an Empress in their eyes! siva

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
11th Nov 2014 (#)

Awesome post and informative as well, cheers for sharing it!

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