My Husband Intimidated Me with a Metal Bat

waterhorse By waterhorse, 7th Nov 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/308_nlk7/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Domestic Violence & Abuse

How my own experience with domestic violence prompted me to learn more about the horrors and convinced me to help others.

A monster in my house

Shortly after I got married, a man who I was very much in love with began to play a sick joke on me. The joke involved a metal baseball bat and our bed which I was lying in. He picked up the bat and started to whack the bed with it just missing me by a fraction of an inch. I screamed and jumped off the bed. Anthony found this hysterical. He laughed as if he witnessed something incredibly funny. When I asked him why he did that, he stated "It's fun. You actually thought I was going to hit you, didn't you?" I told him that I didn't find it funny and to please put the bat somewhere out of the bedroom. He just put it in the corner of the room saying, "You never know when you might need some protection."

Later in the week, I was talking to Anthony about the bills and out came the bat again. Anthony again hit the bed with the bat, just missing me. "That should teach you a lesson" he said smirking.

"What are you doing?" I asked, shaking. " I told you before that I don't find this funny."

"Come on, I'm not gonna miss." Anthony held onto the bat and grinned. "Just trying to toughen you up a little."

"What's wrong with you!" I screamed and stormed out of the room. I slept in the spare bedroom.

Anthony backed off for a few days and then one night picked up the bat again when I wasn't looking. He pounded it into the bed but this time grazed my arm. I screamed and jumped up. Fortunately, it didn't hurt but I was shaking. I felt that he had done that on purpose even though he swore he didn't.

"So you never miss?" I screamed. I grabbed the bat and went outside to hide it in the shed. The next day I called a friend of mine who was a therapist and told him what happened.

"That's a no brainer , Kara" he said. "He's intimidating you. This is something you need to take very seriously."

The marriage ended shortly after that but the incident made me think about domestic violence and how it's victims become sucked into the abuser's sickness. I was actually questioning whether or not this was normal behavior and just a rather sick joke.

Finding a way to help others

I found that all I had to do was talk to Anthony on the phone and I would feel like I was being sucked into his demented world so I refused to take his calls. Anything thing he wanted to ask me or tell me would be handled by my lawyer. A lot of these men are good actors and manipulators. In the weeks and months that followed I did research on the topic of domestic violence and even took a class on the subject. I decided that I would become a dv advocate.

As a domestic violence advocate I am told not to get personal with the victim. If you get emotional or relate your own personal stories to them, they may want to cling on to you. This might potentially create a safety problem for you. The best thing for the advocate to do is to listen to the victim's story. You are the first one they see after the domestic violence incident before they talk to the police.

When it gets abusive

Domestic violence is a problem that's been around for thousands of years but has only been taken seriously in recent history. Before the women's movement in the 1970's, if the police were called for a dv incident a report was made and that was pretty much the end of it. There was no information given to.the complainant on where she could go from there.

We understand the psychology of the domestic violence relationship much more now than we did in the earky 70's. It's usually one of co dependency. The victim takes the abuse because she either feels she somehow deserves it or simply has no choice. The perpetrator is usually very insecure, feels inadequate and feels he has no control over his life. His feelings of inadequacy drives him to "control" someone else. He is the type of person who blames everyone but himself for his problems. The one he blames the most is the victim. He does his best to convince her that she needs him because without him she is nothing. He also convinces her that he loves her. The reality is he needs her more than she needs him and he doesn't really love her at all. He is emotionally dependent on her but that is not the same as love. She is also usually isolated. He does not want anyone to take away his "control".

The cycle of abuse and finding a way to break the cycle

Most of us have heard of the cycle of abuse. In abusive relationships there is a pattern that develops and that pattern continues in a cycle. It starts off nice and calm, almost resembling a nornal relationship. Something goes wrong, as it always does in life, and tension starts building. Things start to change as the tension grows and the abuser gets very angry. Finally he explodes and an act of violence may occur involving the victim. After this happens, the abuser realizes he went overboard and starts to feel guilty. He may apologize to the victim the following day. He may also promise that It will never happen again. All of a sudden Mr. Hyde turns back into Dr. Jekyl. He may buy her gifts and tell her how much he loves her. She will eat this up because she wants to believe him. The cycle starts all over again.

Many times drugs and/or alcohol are part of the problem. The perpetrator may drink and abuse drugs to escape the emotional pain he's in. This intensifies the problem.

The victim may in time decide that she can't deal with the relationship any longer and seek help. She may not get that far. We all know stories about domestic violence cases that end in murder. Working in a police department I have heard stories of women who decided to leave but were murdered because their abuser was having them watched. Hopefully the victim will seek help before it reaches that stage. She could go to the police for help, or call a domestic violence hotline.

Sometimes the victim is too ashamed or too afraid of the abuser to get help. She may think that if she leaves, she and her children (if she has any) won't have any where to go. She may have no real job skills and have no way to earn money.

People who are poor aren't the only ones who feel they can't leave. I was surprised to learn that many wealthy women who are in abusive relationships are very often ashamed to seek help. This is because they're worried about their standing in their community and they don't want anyone to find out about the reality of their situation.
I wish these women, wealthy or poor, would see that their lives have priority over everything else.

What happens when you go for help?

Hopefully at some point and sooner, better than later, a victim will decide to file a police report. Depending on the severity of the incident, the abuser will either go to jail or will be ordered to appear in court at some future date. The victim can either leave the premises and not return or go back and face the abuser again.

When a domestic violence victim goes to make a police report, usually the first person they see is a dv advocate. This is how I found a way to help these women. The dv advocate is the first person the victim talks to when she goes to a police station. She provides information on how the victim can get help for her and her family. She gives the victim a list of numbers of different agencies with different resources. She may give a cell phone to the victim which is only programmed to one number: 911 (emergency). The phone must be hidden and kept a secret but be close by in case it's needed. Most of all, the advocate listens to the victim's story. That is the most important role the advocate has.

After the victim tells her story the advocate asks her if she's ready to talk to the police. If she says yes, the advocate wishes her well and calls in the officer to make a report. Then she leaves. As an advocate I am told not to get personal with the victim. If you get emotional or relate your own personal stories to them they may become too clingy. This is not a good thing as it may create a safety problem for you.

Where does the victim go now?

After the police report is made the victim has some choices to make. She can find someone to stay with and not go back to the abuser, she can go back to him but with an order of protection in place, she can go back to him without an order of protection, or she can go to a women's shelter. Some women do get a restraining order or order of protection even though they are living with the abuser. In those situations there are usually separate entrances to the home for the abuser and the victim. They live in separate quarters of the home. Personally, I am doubtful that this set up could work but since I have no experience in this type of arrangement I don't really know. The reason for the stay at home restraining order is financial. The two parties may not be able to afford two separate homes, especially if only one is working. I believe this is something that the victim has to agree to and not court ordered.

The other option of course is to have the victim return to the home and have the Court order the abuser to leave. With an order of protection he must stay away from the victim and not call her or if there are children, he can only call her at specific times. A father in this situation may be granted visitation of the children. It may be under the condition that a liaison be present during the visits. The liaison sits somewhere separate from the father and his children but within ear shot. He observes the interaction between the father and his children.

If the woman wishes to go to a Family Shelter she can stay there temporarily until she finds a new home. If there are children they, of course, go with her. If she can't find a place to live after the allowed amount of time she may go to a community home. She may attend a job training program to give her skills to make a living.

The nightmare is finally over

Once a domestic violence victim realizes that she is safe and no longer has to live in fear she is on the road to recovery.

A victim of domestic violence does not have to be a wife. It could be a husband, parent, child, sibling, domestic partner or even roommate. It could even be a boyfriend or a girlfriend who do not live together but are in an abusive relationship.

I was lucky that I stopped the abuse in my marriage before it got worse. Everyone should be free to live a happy life and feel safe in their own home. They should never have to be a prisoner to someone else's sickness.

Tags

Abuse And Violence In The Home, Abusers, Abusive Relationships, Advocate, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Police, Police Report, Restraining Order, Victim, Womens Rights

Meet the author

author avatar waterhorse
I am a middle aged woman recently engaged with a BA in Human Services. My passion is writing. I have a Storytelling Group on Facebook with 48 members. I write about philosophy and psychology mostly.

Share this page

moderator Mark Gordon Brown moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know

Comments

author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
8th Nov 2013 (#)

ice post filled with a lot of facts to those in need of urgent assistance, very noble of you to share this post!

Reply to this comment

author avatar waterhorse
8th Nov 2013 (#)

Thank you Fern

Reply to this comment

author avatar snerfu
10th Nov 2013 (#)

I think people are now changing and beginning to adopt a more liberal attitude. It is tough enduring hardship, especially when it is from someone you like very much. Thankfully you are over it, and hopefully your life will be much better now on.

Reply to this comment

author avatar waterhorse
10th Nov 2013 (#)

It is Snerfu. Thanks.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Morgan
19th Dec 2015 (#)

Wow so excited for what this great man did for me in helping me to get conceive a baby of my own after been married for the past years of no child but since i met this man online my problem is now solve and am now pregnant with 4 months pregnant and am so excited to be in this mood which i have been looking for in a long time now and i thank God i met this great man on time who solve my problem contact him on priestonomeherbaltemple@outlook.com for your solution too.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Frama
28th Jun 2014 (#)

Without DR DAHIRU a lot of people would have been dead through heart break. My case is not different from heart break, I am married woman with 3 kids and there was a time when i was having problem with my husband because he was having an affair outside our marriage and this was making me feel bad. So i tried finding solution to my problem by reading a lot of relationship tips on the internet and that was how i came in contact with DR DAHIRU contact details and through the help of DR DAHIRU my husband left the girl he was having affair with and he came back to me and our kids. After a job well done by DR DAHIRU i felt that it will be unfair if i keep this secret to myself and that is why i am going to drop the contact details of DR DAHIRU right now, They are: arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com or call usa +18074601888 To enable you have a taste of his nice work

Reply to this comment

author avatar Camille
18th Jul 2014 (#)

My name is Camille bruno Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com, for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr Dahiru, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine, you can as well add him on facebook (Drdahiru Arewa) To enable you have a taste of his nice work too.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Maria
9th Aug 2014 (#)

My name is Maria and i want to testify of the good work done by a faithful Dr Osoba, a spell caster. in my life i never thought there is such thing as spiritual intercession. my problem started nine months back when the father of my kids started putting up some strange behavior, i never knew he was having an affair outside our matrimonial home. it dawn on me on that faithful day 19th of july 21st 4:23pm when he came to the house to pick his things that was when i knew that situation has gotten out of hand and he then told me he was quitting the marriage which i have built for over five years, i was confused and dumbfounded i called on family and friends but to no avail. two months after i started having problem with my kids welfare rent-age and all of it, i really went through hell. until a day i was browsing on the internet and i happen to meet a spell caster i never believed on this but i needed my man back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it but you know a problem shared is half solved after a week my husband called me telling me that he his coming back home and that was all. now we are living happily and i still do contact him on this email: osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com

Contact him via email:osobaspelltemple@yahoo.com

THANKS,
MARIA

Reply to this comment

author avatar Cardenas
31st Aug 2014 (#)

My name is Mr Cardenas,my wife was having affair with a senior secretary in her office. I love this woman so much that i would not want to share her with any body. i told her to retire from the job and i would take care of all her needs but she would take it because she is been embraced by everybody in her office, this normally leads to quarrel every-time. i tried all i can to please her and she will promise to be good , some days later she will turn back to her normal way.
i was nearly loosing out, i could not focus in my job, my whole life was full of sorrow and i was thinking i should kill the other man my self and put an end to all this until i saw a testimony from a blog on how DR EDIONWE could cast a love spell to bring lovers back no matter what is behind the disappointment. so i decided to write him via email. edionwesolutiontemple@yahoo.com and now all my wishes are exactly as i wanted. She told me everything that has happened secretly in the past and i forgave her as DR EDIONWE instructed me to and she loves me and care for me as i ever wanted. i know there are many spells that do not work but i want to assure all you out there no matter what you have been trough to have faith and believe that this is the final solution to your problem.
Even if my job is taking most of my time, the little free time i have , i will share the good news to everyone in the world because i know that with love brings happiness and hope for a long life.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Camille
1st Sep 2014 (#)

My name is Camille bruno Valdez my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; arewaspecialistttemple@gmail.com , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr Dahiru, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: arewaspecialistttemple@gmail.com if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine,

Reply to this comment

author avatar Stella Robeson
25th Sep 2014 (#)

Am Stella Robeson From London few days ago, so i emailed PROPHET AMEDE about my bad relationship condition, how my lover left me, how he was with another girl, so PROPHET AMEDE told me it would take 3 days to get my boyfriend back, i waited for 3 days, unbelievable my boyfriend came to my house asking me if we could try things out again. He broke up with the other girl and we rekindled and got back together, he now show me care and attention. PROPHET AMEDE was my last hope, my last chance after all the spell casters I tried before,PROPHET AMEDE kept his promise! he is the greatest spell caster on the internet, His email is{ amedehealingtemple@yahoo.com}

Reply to this comment

author avatar June
19th May 2015 (#)

All i can say is a thank you to Dr Babaka for making me and my family a happy home, i have been married for 2 years without a child and i had 4 miscarriage within this time, i saw a post that says contact Dr babaka for Infertility help, so i did, after he cast a pregnancy spell on me i get pregnant few weeks later after having sex with my partner as instructed by Dr babaka, and i am 7 months pregnant now without any complications and i will share another post here after my delivering and i will also give out my personal info, watch out for my next post, so i decide to drop this here for any body going through infertility problem to contact Dr Babaka on babaka.wolf@gmail.com and you will be happy you did, contact him for any problem you are having i believed he will help out

Reply to this comment

author avatar Grand Tina
4th Dec 2015 (#)

Hello everyone,My name is Tina Grand.i am here to share my testimony on how i conceived my baby. I have been married to my husband for 3 years without no child. We have been to the doctor and it was confirmed that the both of us are in good condition. I had problems with my in-laws because of the child issue. I was introduced to MAMA DADA HERBAL HOME by a friend who lives here in America. I contacted her and explained my problems to her.MAMA DADA HERBAL HOME told me all that is required and i did it accordingly. I was very surprise to test positive after 2 weeks of contacting her. I gave birth to my baby boy four weeks ago and i am a very happy woman and a living testimony of this good work. Anyone who needs her help should contact her through Email.(mamadadaherbalhome@yahoo.com) and you will also testify to her good work.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Landon
1st Feb 2016 (#)

hello to the everybody out there i am landon rondon from the usa and i am going to tell you the story of a powerful man DR AREWA of arewalovespelltemple@yahoo.com he is so powerful and respectful and diligent in his services he fulfills his promises always and his works are power as he restored love to my broken home, my wife and quareled over a little matter and it led to break up but i loved my wife and wanted her back so i contacted DR AREWA after i have tried so many ways without avail i told him what had happened and he said that i shouldn't worry that everything is gonna be alright and that my wife is gonna come back to me and love me more he kept his promise and brought my wife back to me he is really a genius you can contact him for help also on arewalovespelltemple@yahoo.com thanks

Reply to this comment

author avatar Janet johnson
17th Mar 2016 (#)

I want to share my true life story, and how i got help to save my life and my marriage firstly i want to thank a great man called Dr.fara. i was married for the past 8years looking for a baby badly and i have spend alot of money for medical description all to no avail until the 9years after loosing hope already and my husband has already made up his mind to marry another woman and it was like a big slap on my face one faithful day i was on the internet checking on what to do to get pregnant and i saw a testimony share by Marina johnson in Brooklyn NY, USA on how she got help to have a baby of her own today and she now live a happy life with his husband and she also pregnant again and i quickly contacted the email and phone number wrote which is drfaraspelltemple@gmail.com and +2348054265852 now am pregnant after doing what this man ask me to do and the instruction he gave to me, am now 7months pregnant after 8years of marriage am so so happy and if you are out there having this similar problem quickly contact him now for your help,he is a great man that have been casting spells with years of experience, he cast spells for different purposes like...

(1)If you want your ex back.
(2) herpes cure.
(3)You want to be promoted in your office.
(4)You want women/ men to run after you.
(5)Hiv cure.
(6)[Als disease cure.
(7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8)if you are not seeing your period he can also cure you.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Lara
3rd Sep 2016 (#)


i am giving this testimony cos l am happy My name is mrs. Lara Mark from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in July this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. UKO.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address ukospelltemple@yahoo.com Great UKO i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr UKO.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. ukospelltemple@yahoo.com or his website: ukospelltemple.wixsite.com/mysite

Reply to this comment

author avatar Monicathreatt
22nd Sep 2016 (#)

I want to share a great testimony on this website on how great Priest Babaka help me in falling pregnant,me and my husband have been trying to have a baby for over 4years,but they where no luck so we decided to contact the family doctor and after all the test have been done,he said to us that my fallopian tube is not functioning.then one day i was in the office when a friend of mine who have the same problem with me, fall pregnant after she contacted Priest Babaka .she directed me to him and when i contacted him through his email and he did the purification on the pregnancy spell and in 2weeks time i was feeling some how and i went to meet the family doctor who told me that i am pregnant.if you know that you have a similar problem like this, or any fertility issue and you want to be pregnant you can contact Priest Babaka via Email:babaka.wolf@gmail.com

Reply to this comment

author avatar Joan Robert
22nd May 2017 (#)

I am very grateful to Doctor Omoluyi for bringing back my Husband after 2 years of separation due to pressure from his family and business associate saying that i am not the same country and different believe.. This Joan Robert From Miami Florida. After enough searching and surfing on the internet, I saw a post made by Peter Dashy from Canada referring of how he was helped by Doctor Omoluyi. I also decided to contact the Doctor for help because i was desperate to get back my lovely Husband. I followed all his instructions and he promised me that my husband will get back to me within 12 to 18 hours after he has finished with the preparation of the spell. And now, am finally a complete woman with my man back by my side. To also get your help from this great Doctor Omoluyi, Email: ( Doctoromoluyispelltemple@gmail.com ) OR Website: http://www.doctorokpamenspells.com

Reply to this comment

author avatar Karen
31st May 2017 (#)

I GIVE ALL THANKS TO DR WILLIAMS WITH HIS HERBAL PORTION I WAS COMPLETELY CURED FROM FIBROID
I can’t believe this. A great testimony that i must share to all fibroid patient in the world. i never believed that their could be any complete cure for fibroid with out going for surgery ,i saw people’s testimony on blog sites and Facebook page of how Dr Williams prepare herbal cure for different king of disease,and with the help of his herb they where able to shrink there fibroid naturally. i had to try it too and you can,t believe that in just few weeks i started using it all my pains stop gradually . Right now i want to tell you all that i just give birth to a baby boy last month,and on thin now i have not had any pain, and i have just went for text last week and the doctor confirmed that there is no trace of any fibroid in my system . Glory be to God for leading me to this great Dr Williams I am so happy as i am sharing this testimony. My advice to you all who thinks that their is no herbal cure for fibroid that is Not true ,just contact him and get cure from his email drwilliams098765@gmail.com and you will be free and free forever, Try it and you will not regret it because it truly works. i hope to see your testimony soon.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Suzan
9th Feb 2018 (#)

Sometimes,Life can be very unfair especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart. That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with her again. all thanks goes to Dr. EDIONWE, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how Dr. EDIONWE could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: edionwesolutiontemple@gmail.com. Any problem you are facing now, contact him, he will make your dreams come true. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live.

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Username
Can't login?
Password