Motherhood, The Stages

Coletha Albert By Coletha Albert, 7th Jan 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>New Mums

To become a mom or not become a mom...that is the question. Women today have many choices but none are made easily.

Before Motherhood

Before becoming a Mother, most girls know one of two things: I want to be a Mother and have so many children or I don't want to become a Mother EVER.

It seems really cut and dry and it all seems so easy and then life happens... you meet a boy whom you really like and he really likes you or seems to. Then whatever choice you made starts to dim a bit. Your choice is changed by how you feel about him. You may begin to see yourself in a different way and your goals and/or outlook on life begins to change. Are you growing up? Or are you just "in love"?

With time, it becomes apparent which one it is. In time, you will learn one of two things; the young man that you are "in love" with is actually a gas bag or you are growing and changing and so are your decisions. This is the normal development in becoming an adult and without any complications, life is really great. What complication? A unplanned pregnancy just might be one, then what?

You have an abortion or you place your child for adoption or you become a MOTHER.

Becoming Mom

Whatever decision you make after conception, your life will never be the same. It's the questions that never go away: What if....? What if....? What if...?

Thus the mantle of motherhood... WORRY. The endless anxiety of what could happen. The endless apprehension over each detail. The suffocating fear of the ever present unknowns that could be negative or positive. The constant nervousness that turns hair gray, drives you to ice cream, beer and/or wine and increases your dress size and murders your skin. The burden of being the "cheerleader" the PR assistant, the manager, the cook, the babysitter, the counselor, the nurse, the bookkeeper, the homework checker, the defender, the protector, the body guard, etc...without a simple thank you. Even the definition of scapegoat can be synonymous with the word mother. If there be any fault, any issue, any crime - it's because of Mom.

The "After Party"

After the children are grown and leave home...then it is time for that much needed nervous breakdown that you have put off until the children don't "need" you anymore. You may cry a lot. You may drink a lot. Or you may just go on, numbly, just as you always have ignoring your own needs and feelings just as you always have until you just can't anymore.

When just "can't" go on anymore, what do you do? Some mothers join groups of other discarded mothers. Some mothers have a gentle husband who takes her away to Hawaii for a month of pampering because he is glad the kids are grown and gone and he can get his wife back! Some husbands defend their wives and takes it upon himself to tell the offspring to "Call your Mother", "Go visit Mother", "Stop calling Mother only when you have problems", "Stop asking Mother for money!" ....

A woman is VERY fortunate if this is all that happens; getting rundown, experiencing the empty nest syndrome, being neglected by her adult children... For other mothers the story is a real tragedy: Having to bury a child, caring for a special needs child, being attacked by a child, supporting a child that becomes a criminal, etc...the scenarios are never ending...thus all the WORRY.

Final Thought

Motherhood is a vocation that is lightly entered into but very few have the stamina to "stay the course" to the bitter end, "come what may" but Moms keep going anyway, on fumes, coffee and aspirin. It's appalling. More should be done to support the "foundations" of society. I am going to start by calling my Mother!

Tags

Abortion, Adoption, Childbirth, Motherhood, Mothers, Raising Children

Meet the author

author avatar Coletha Albert
I am a native of Texas who has lived in California and Iraq. Currently living in Seattle, WA, USA and author of three books; Hell in Houston, Sunbeams and Carnal.

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