Love isn't smothering your guy!

Helen Holdun By Helen Holdun, 3rd May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

When you love a guy (or gal) you want to spend time with them. However, too much time together could destroy the relationship; pulling you apart instead of bringing you closer together.

Spanning generations... women need to control their men!

I witnessed or rather overheard a conversation that once again made me take pity on the males of our species. Sorry ladies, say what you will, but guys do not have an easy time when it comes pleasing woman.

The group was comprised of a grandmother, mother and daughter. Though they spanned three generations, the common ground that linked the years and had them in a tizzy was that of bashing their significant other!

Youngest lamented how her boyfriend apparently didn’t love her at all, because he refused to take the same classes she’d enrolled in, which meant they’d only see each other at lunch or before and after classes. Oh the horror!

Middle aged lady hopped on board placating her daughter while sharing her own misery. Apparently her husband has the audacity and gall to stop by the gym every evening to unwind after work. Which meant he didn’t get home before her to mix the martinis, and to top it off, oh no, he prefered to go to the gym without her!

Oldest of the trio shook her head solemnly agreeing that men were pretty much beyond selfish in wanting to do anything for themselves, by themselves. Her husband, or “grandpa” as she referred to him, participates in the punishable crime of playing golf every morning - she did add he’s invited her to join him many times, but she sees the exercise as a foolish waste of energy. However, when he comes home he’d like to go shopping with her, which she explained, her face turning red, annoys the “crap out of me”!

I’m not quite sure what exactly these ladies were expecting from their men and I have no idea what other circumstances surround them. However, what I garnered was this, they want male robots, with no thoughts, interests or activities that were not on their approved list. Putting myself in a guys shoes, I'd find it so emasculating and oppressive I'd find the nearest exit and bolt!

Of course a relationship must have some degree of shared togetherness. The main reason my own marriage failed was because my ex wanted only alone time to the point we barely spent time in the same room and didn’t say more than five words to each other in any given day. However, I never have and never will yearn for a man to be like a puppy at my feet, with me 27/7. The very thought has neon capital letters flashing BORING!!

Quality not quanity!

It’s not the quantity of time spent together, but rather the quality of the shared moments, hours or days. I want a guy who has his own mind, interests and activities that don’t include me. Likewise, I want the same for myself. I want a man who continues to evolve and encourages me to do the same. It’s the difference between us, that will keep the friendship - don’t even get me started on how vital creating a solid friendship, before love and all the other good stuff, is - and romance appealing enough to stay hot and relevant. If we’re constantly of the same mind, reading the same books, listening to the same genre of music, participating in the same activities, what is there to discuss, learn or even argue about? Where's the magic spark of mystery that comes from the unknown? If there isn't any newness, you might as well get a life-size mirror and hang out with yourself.

Possive for lack of trust?

Of course for some there comes to play an issue of trust. If you don’t trust your guy to be out of your sight for fear of who they’ll be attracted to, it’s a whole new problem you’re dealing with. And it’s something you might want to take a peek at before you destroy what you’ve got. If the need for constant togetherness is based on your own insecurity only you can come to grips with why. However, if he’s blatantly playing the field, having him on a leash will not hold him. In fact quite the opposite. It might send him into the arms of a new person faster than a heartbeat, because he’s seeking life support from the smothering, neediness you’ve got him trapped under.

He's not a clone... Less really can be more!


We’ve got to remember when entering a relationship of any kind... friendship, love, business partnership, etc., it is with a whole other human being. Not a clone and not a lump of clay we can shape to meet our every need. Be your own person, enjoy your “me” time, allow him to do the same. When you are together, savor the time with all the freshness of passion and exploration that you had when you first met, because there will always be something new to learn..

Tags

Love, Possive, Relatationships, Smothering, Woman

Meet the author

author avatar Helen Holdun
Passionate writer, author, hopeless romantic and fun mom to three fantastic sons.! I love sharing words, words and more words... I'll never grow up and refuse to ever be old!

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