It Should Never Hurt The Children

Deborah Judges By Deborah Judges, 21st Feb 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/w0p1i-jo/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Divorce

Keeping the pain and stress away from children during and after the divorce.

Steps to a Legal Separation

5 years ago when my husband and I were seeking a "legal" separation we were informed in order to get that separation in the Lawrence County Judicial system of Lawrence County, Alabama we were made to take a Parenting Class for parents who were divorcing and had children in order that they could be taught how to keep the children away from all the fussing and fighting.They displayed actual drawings that children made when their parents had gone through a messy divorce. The pictures were so sad.I never wanted my little 9 year old girl to ever draw something that depicted such horror and sadness.

The Reality We Created

My husband and I did end up separating although we didn't make it a legal separation. We chose to leave our daughters life intact the only thing that has changed, is that she has two houses now. My estranged husband is my best friend. We parent as a team even now and we both have to agree on something before it can take place in our Daughter's life.
But he does spoil her more. But that's okay she is fermenting into a fine wine, instead of just being a rotted piece of fruit. She is OUR baby WE created this child she has both of our genes and we reinforce that and let her know she is the best of the two of us.

No Fussing or Fighting

This rule was stated in the Parenting Class, that you should never fuss and fight in front of the children. It would make them have to "choose a side" and that was so damaging to a child. Fighting in Front of the children or where they are near you, even just in earshot, was a definite No! No!
Children know that they are made up from part of Mommy and part of Daddy at an early age. They learn it by hearing things like "she has her Mother's blue eyes and her Daddy's dark brown hair" so the child knows they are both parts of each parent. If Parents display meanness, hatefulness or spitefulness the children take that characteristic on too, or look at it and be horrified that they came from that type of person.

Parenting AS A Team

Parenting as a team gives structure and a sense of safety to the the children. If they can play the parents against each other they never learn self worth they just learn they are a pawn in family life and will carry this seed with them and into their relationships.
You had rules before the divorce (hopefully) stick with them and only bend them if it means you would be doing it on a "As Needed" basis. As the children grow the rules will have to change so be prepared to not only change some rules but to also make new rules to fit a new happenstance in their lives. Make the rules as a team and don't give in when you have both settled on a decision hold true to that decision unless BOTH Parents agree to change the rule.

Being a Better Parent After Divorce

Yes. this can actually happen. When the stresses and strains are on top of you everyday Parenting gets pushed back to the sidelines a lot of times. After a divorce, however, the focus on making the lives of the children stable makes a Parent take a look at their Parenting skills all over again.
Refine and define rules and consequences on a regular basis. Children's ages, activities, friendships and later on their relationships will demand that rules change as they themselves change..
Also remember all children are different, so rules and consequences should be adjusted accordingly.

Sticking To The Team Game Plan

Never make a rule that you both cannot keep. Never set a consequence that can't be followed through with the child at each new home. If at all possible keep the family home or if you must move set up the floor plan as closely to the original family house as possible. You can change it later when your children have a sense of security. Their should still be loving bonds between parents and children and by doing so the bonds between the Parents can grow into a friendlier atmosphere.

Tags

Divorce, Loving Bonds, Parenting Classes

Meet the author

author avatar Deborah Judges
I I have kept Journals on and off for 38 years. Sometimes the words. thoughts and feelings fly from my mind to the page; just streaming through my fingers.

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Comments

author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
22nd Feb 2014 (#)

Brilliant, yes too many times it is the lives of the children that are ruined because of how the parents behave.

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author avatar Erica philip
9th Oct 2017 (#)

DIVORCE AND MARITAL BREAKTHROUGH

It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. i was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, when i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact a great powerful spell caster called Dr. Ugo Wonders living in Florida. i contacted Dr. Ugo and explained my problems, he assured me his help and it was 100% guaranteed. i provided the materials for the spell and in 48 hours, after Dr Ugo Wonders of generalspelltemple@gmail.com finished casting the spell, my husband was free from the evil woman spell and he came back home to us a day after begging us to forgive him. i was so shocked and short of words and here i am today happily testifying so the world can know how this great man helped me with his real powerful spell.
To every one with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Ugo wonders the ultimate spell caster via his email address generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number directly on +13863369876


DIVORCE AND MARITAL BREAKTHROUGH

It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. i was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, when i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact a great powerful spell caster called Dr. Ugo Wonders living in Florida. i contacted Dr. Ugo and explained my problems, he assured me his help and it was 100% guaranteed. i provided the materials for the spell and in 48 hours, after Dr Ugo Wonders of generalspelltemple@gmail.com finished casting the spell, my husband was free from the evil woman spell and he came back home to us a day after begging us to forgive him. i was so shocked and short of words and here i am today happily testifying so the world can know how this great man helped me with his real powerful spell.
To every one with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Ugo wonders the ultimate spell caster via his email address generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number directly on +13863369876


DIVORCE AND MARITAL BREAKTHROUGH

It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. i was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, when i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact a great powerful spell caster called Dr. Ugo Wonders living in Florida. i contacted Dr. Ugo and explained my problems, he assured me his help and it was 100% guaranteed. i provided the materials for the spell and in 48 hours, after Dr Ugo Wonders of generalspelltemple@gmail.com finished casting the spell, my husband was free from the evil woman spell and he came back home to us a day after begging us to forgive him. i was so shocked and short of words and here i am today happily testifying so the world can know how this great man helped me with his real powerful spell.
To every one with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Ugo wonders the ultimate spell caster via his email address generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number directly on +13863369876

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
22nd Feb 2014 (#)

Divorce to me is the inability to compromise and make amendments to adjust and live together for the kids to give them the stability they need. The only reason why people take a divorce is to get a variation in bed without a commitment to create a family or a home.
Of course there are concubines and prostitutes within marriage who push it elsewhere and present kids and still others who think sex is the be all and end all of things, it isn't.

Divorces bring insecurity, hatred and above all indiscipline in kids and I am not for it, its nothing but legalized prostitution to me. Marry one, divorce, next, divorce and so on and accumulate many kids some of them orphans and others vagabonds because all the adult thinks of is their physical satiation.
Then you have a bloody lawyer who eats half the money and then try to act friendly and sympathetic while they make money breaking up homes. They should be shot in the market square and stones thrown on their remains.

Sorry, good on you and your divorce, its a style, fashion trend of today's world but not for me.

BTW husband is mad (clinically certified), pushed it with multiple women and destroyed the family but the bitter truth of sadness for him is that he is still married as the wife didn't give him the divorce but rounded them all up and put them in prison for bigamy. I know its done as two of us did it in this lifetime and I am one of them. Husband is forced to stay married while the woman is in prison with her family as they were aware he was a married man with a mental disability.

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author avatar Deborah Judges
22nd Feb 2014 (#)

Actually, I never said I divorced, I didn't even legally separate; we are seperated by choice but are married only to each other we did try to work things out, but we couldn't make it where our partnership was concerned. Recently in October we again talked of getting back together, but it was not something my husband was ready to take on his heart still has fear of separating again. But we are fervently praying for reconciliation. I am so sorry Divorce was such a destructive force in your life! I was talking to those who are going to divorce no matter what to stop thinking about winning a game and make sure the children do not feel the destructive forces of divorce. Again, I didn't understand everything you wrote but your words made me sad for you because Divorce has obviously done major damage to your life, you need to find healing for that, I pray that forgiveness comes to your life so you can be free of all the anger you are carrying. My sincere hope and prayers for you are the story of peace coming to you/ Sincerely.
Deborah Judges

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author avatar Deborah Judges
22nd Feb 2014 (#)

Actually, I never said I divorced, I didn't even legally separate; we are seperated by choice but are married only to each other we did try to work things out, but we couldn't make it where our partnership was concerned. Recently in October we again talked of getting back together, but it was not something my husband was ready to take on his heart still has fear of separating again. But we are fervently praying for reconciliation. I am so sorry Divorce was such a destructive force in your life! I was talking to those who are going to divorce no matter what to stop thinking about winning a game and make sure the children do not feel the destructive forces of divorce. Again, I didn't understand everything you wrote but your words made me sad for you because Divorce has obviously done major damage to your life, you need to find healing for that, I pray that forgiveness comes to your life so you can be free of all the anger you are carrying. My sincere hope and prayers for you are the story of peace coming to you/ Sincerely.
Deborah Judges

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author avatar Mccart
5th Oct 2014 (#)



Am here to testify what this great spell caster done for me. i never believe in spell casting, until when i was was tempted to try it. i and my husband have been having a lot of problem living together, he will always not make me happy because he have fallen in love with another lady outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that my husband leave this woman but the more i talk to him the more he makes me fell sad, so my marriage is now leading to divorce because he no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided to contact this spell caster to see if things can work out between me and my husband again. this spell caster who was a woman told me that my husband is really under a great spell that he have been charm by some magic, so she told me that she was going to make all things normal back. she did the spell on my husband and after 5 days my husband changed completely he even apologize with the way he treated me that he was not him self, i really thank this woman her name is Dr Aluta she have bring back my husband back to me i want you all to contact her who are having any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem she will solve it for you. her email is traditionalspellhospital@gmail.com she is a woman and she is great. wish you good time.

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author avatar Sandra Jason
13th Dec 2015 (#)


Husband left me and my kids, i was passing though pains, sorrow, heart broke, going crazy but this is how i restored happiness back in my life by getting my husband back. today with great joy and happiness in my heart i want to appreciate Dr Frank Ojo for bring back my lost husband within 24hours after the spell was been cast by him when my husband left me for the past 4 month without living any information behind and all his contact not reachable and i'm so happy my husband is back to us since i contact him on { Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com } Website address: http://lovespell2.yolasite.com, His Mobile number: +234)80- 7237-0762, He is the best spell caster online contact him if you have any problem.
E-mail: Templeofloveandprosperity@gmail.com .
Web site: http://lovespell2.yolasite.com .Thank you all for reading.

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