Is True Love Dead?

Hirjikaka By Hirjikaka, 11th Jul 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Scientists will tell you that love is just a matter of pheromones and neurons firing in the brain in response to subtle signals you may not even be aware you’re receiving. But, of course, it is much more than that.

Love and relationships

A young friend recently poured out to me his tragic story of unrequited love. According to him, he did everything to prove to the object of his affections that he loved her deeply. Even after she broke off with him twice, mainly because she said his bank balance wasn’t large enough, he persevered and got her to take him back. When I gently suggested he was more or less asking for it, he agreed but said he could not help himself because every time he was with her, “his pulse would beat and his heart would pound.” Last week, the girl got engaged to another man. At the end of his lament, he asked if true love exists any more these days.

Scientists will tell you that love is just a matter of pheromones and neurons firing in the brain in response to subtle signals you may not even be aware you’re receiving. But, of course, it is much more than that. As experienced by the young man, a pounding heart, loss of sleep and appetite etc. is part of it - although it all does originate in the brain. The heart, after all, is nothing but a glorified pump. Yes it pains like hell when your feelings are not reciprocated or, even worse, mocked. However, unrequited love is by no means unique to this century. It is as old as civilization itself.

Yes, it is true that we are living in an increasingly materialistic world where wealth and physical attributes are more important than feelings. But to be fair, both sexes are equally culpable in this regard. Like I told my friend, he is deluding himself if he believes that men are not just as capricious when choosing a partner. And don’t forget the double standards that many guys employ – and Indian men are especially culpable – when judging the opposite sex. If the object of their attentions gives them a cold shoulder, she is a stuck-up b***. On the other hand, if she is too friendly, she is a wh***.

If there is one failing peculiar to the past few decades, it is the lack of perseverance and determination. In this age of instant coffee and social networking, many of us expect instant love - at first sight, so to speak. Love requires patience and needs to be nurtured – it needs to blossom at its own pace. Above all, it needs a spirit of give and take. No one is always right or always wrong in a partnership. A relationship where the man or woman expects his/her partner to be subservient to him – as many men in South Asia and Arab countries do - as a matter of right, is doomed to failure. The trick is to keep your expectations low at the start and gradually build them up. That is why so many arranged marriages work out pretty well.

My friend thought his love rejected him because he was not rich enough. While it is a fact that an increasing number of young ladies place a premium on good looks and material possessions, this is not entirely true. Women like men with a sense of humour and are willing to overlook attributes like good looks and brawn if that quality is predominant. I am living proof of that. Normally, pretty young things would completely ignore a 65-year old crock like me, but surprisingly, because of my wit and conversational skills, I do manage to get a few young ladies to indulge me. Unfortunately, it seems that many of our young romeos have pathetic conversation. They are naïve enough to believe that corny pick up lines – like telling a girl she is hot or has kissable lips – are actually going to work. I suppose I should regard them with pity, but frankly, I usually roll my eyes and groan.

At the end of it all, I advised my young friend not to give up on finding love. In spite of the frustrations and occasional heartaches, when it works, it can be bloody glorious.


Dating, Fidelity, Love, Relationships, Romance

Meet the author

author avatar Hirjikaka
I am a retired Civil Engineer living in India. Writing used to be a hobby; now it is a passion. I do not write for gain or fame, but because it makes me complete. People fascinate me and I have friends - offline and online - all over the world. I try...(more)

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