If You Want To Be the King (You’ve Got To Wear the Crown)

aking1614Starred Page By aking1614, 2nd Jul 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

A look at what is, in my opinion, a growing problem in many households. There are too many men who want the title of "head of the house" but don’t want the responsibility that goes with the position. Sorry to say, but titles are not just randomly handed out. They must be earned. When you are the ruler of the kingdom, you carry the burdens of your realm.

The Problem

In my experience, many men will not work unless they are given a title. Even worse, there are men who want a title, but won’t accept the responsibility that comes along with the position. Here in the United States, we have a nation of over-aged boys who want to be called men, fathers and heads of household. Unfortunately, they have not stepped up to be any of those things. They want the respect that should come with the position, yet have not done anything to earn that respect. They fail to understand that while most people will respect the “office”, they will not respect you personally when you have brought nothing but shame and reproach to that office.

What Is A "Head of Household"?

The designation head of household, also termed head of family, is applied to one whose authority to exercise family control and to support the dependent members is founded upon a moral or legal obligation or duty. This is the legal definition. To put it in simpler terms, the head of household is responsible for controlling what happens within the family and responsible for being the main source of support and provision for the family. The head of household should set the standard and be the example for his children. The head of household should have a plan and vision for the family’s future, be it the finances, education, etc.

The Dilemma for the Woman of the House

As a Christian woman, I have heard it preached countless times that the husband is the head of the wife and that the wife is a helpmeet for her husband. I get it; the wife should follow the lead of her husband and should help him in reaching the goals he has set. But how can she follow him if he’s not going anywhere and how can she help him accomplish something if he’s not trying to accomplish anything?

Provision - The First Priority

Provision for the family is a primary duty of the head of the household. Why are there so many wives responsible for paying the home mortgage? Why are so many responsible for buying all the food the family eats? And (my own personal pet peeve), why is it that wherever the children are concerned, the responsibility lays squarely on the shoulders of the mother? In my own household, the children’s clothing and childcare cost were paid 100% by me. When our younger daughter needed braces, I paid the orthodontist bill. When one of the children was sick, I was the one who used up my vacation time to stay home and care for them. At Christmas and on birthdays, it was my paycheck that paid for gifts and parties, yet my husband always wanted me to write ”from Mom and Dad” on the gift tags. I am fairly certain that I was not solely responsible for the children being here, so why was I solely responsible for their welfare? And it makes my blood boil when a man refers to the task of looking after his own children as “babysitting”. I believe the correct term is “parenting”, by the way.

The Loss of Respect

Children are smarter than we think and very observant as well. And this leads to the next issue on the list; the issue of respect. When a child becomes aware that they really can’t count on dad, they begin to lose respect for him. As I stated above, people have respect for the office, but not necessarily respect for the person in the office. That said, children learn, quickly, the attitude of: He is still my dad so I won’t curse him to his face. However, I will not ask him for anything, turn to him for advice or obey his rules.

Lead By Example

This becomes even more of an issue when the head of house does not hold up his end of the bargain when it comes to setting the standard and the example for the rest of the household to follow. The rule of “Do as I say, and not as I do” has never worked. When dad has little or no ambition and does the bare minimum of what’s required, when he calls off work for the slightest cause, when he spends all his spare time drinking or gambling, etc., he can hardly expect his children to work hard and strive for excellence. He can’t expect them not to jump on the “party train” when they come of age. If dad is known for lying to his wife about his whereabouts or his finances, he cannot expect his children be truthful. Regardless of what you SAY to your children, they learn from what you DO.

Uneasy Lies The Head That Wears The Crown

Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
William Shakespeare: Henry The Fourth, Part 2 Act 3, scene 1

So to all of the men out there, who demand the title of king, remember this: With the crown comes an awesome burden of responsibility. You are responsible for the happiness and welfare of those in your realm. You are to protect and defend them. You must be learned and wise to rule and ensure the economic stability of your kingdom. You must exercise wisdom and self control. Most importantly, to have the respect of your subjects and the neighboring kingdoms, you must command respect by your actions. Any king who shirks his duties and obligations can expect a full revolt by the people (his family). Worse yet, he may lose his queen and his kingdom to a neighboring king.


Crown, Example, Head Of Household, King, Respect, Responsibilility, Standards

Meet the author

author avatar aking1614
I am an engineer by trade, but a poet and songstress at heart. I started writing occasional articles online about five years ago, but poetry is still my first love.

find me on twitter@ashanpoetry

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author avatar Retired
4th Jul 2010 (#)

I like this article a lot and feel it is a must read to all men around... Thank you for sharing...

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author avatar Retired
16th Jul 2010 (#)

Interesting article.

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