"I'm right, you are wrong"- how to handle conflicts

Emanuela By Emanuela, 10th Dec 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2l5rufww/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

What do you do when you are in a conflict with your partner? Some think seem to think that bitching and shouting are the only ways to "handle" it. How do you solve such problems?What is the key to a lasting relationship?

Who is right?

"It's so simple...if we love each other, why my partner cannot accept me the way that I am?Why do we always end up in a fighting over mere trifles? Why can't my partner simply make a compromise instead of "winning" every time?Why do I always have to be the one that forgives?"

Does it sound familiar? It should! It's what you think every time when you are in a conflict with your spouse.You may not realize the fact that the person next to you is also thinking the same. So, you have at least one thing in common, you believe that each of you is the "uncooperative bastard".That's the nature of conflict, isn't it?

Fights arise when two people with different opinions think that the other is wrong.The more a person tries to "win", the more the two of them suffer and the more it is difficult to re-establish the love and trust that they once shared.When conflict is born between two people who love each other, the stake is usually greater than the problem itself.That's the reason why people have violent arguments for things so "important" such as the color of napkins on the table.It's more about the irrational emotion than it is about the real problem.We all should learn how to approach these emotions and feelings.The feelings of rejection, estrangement, lack of importance, abandon and betrayal come to life in a stupid conflict regarding our dinner menu.

If you expect your partner to be rational and to show you understanding before the ending of the conflict, you have already reacted badly.Only in Hollywood, a presentation of "facts" results in a touching concession coming from the other spouse.In real life, there are usually two "sides" of the story,both of them wrong by being distorsioned by the emotional "luggage" brought by either partner throughout time.The more I try to make you see my point of view, I'm practically trampling on you and your emotional "luggage".Unless I consider your point of view, I totally disregard your feelings.By the way, men have feelings too, only that they deny it.

This is the most frustrating aspect of conflict, there is no sensitive and effective answer to validate both versions.It looks like someone has to lose.In fact, it's about winning or losing something, fact that led to this conflict in the first place.

What is it like to give up on this war that goes on like this "Who is right?" If you really love him, you would probably give your life for your partner...as long as you don't have to give up on your point of view?Keep in mind the fact that the nature of conflict is much more complex than the thing that we are fighting over.In fact, the only you could "win" is by being the first one that says "I'm sorry, please forgive me".How can you win when you are asking for forgiveness?The relationship itself is more important than the conflict.

If you love each other as much as you claim, you cannot lose if you give in to your partner.By asking for forgiveness and by putting his needs above yours, you prove your love, your respect and the desire to please him.You are creating an environment where you feel safe to give and to sacrifice instead of fighting to win every "battle".

When you make your spouse feel important,respected, accepted and loved by you, what do you think will be the answer?If there is love between you two, the answer will be great.That's why admitting your mistakes in a relationship is the only way to win.

There is also Someone who can help you in your relationship with your partner in ways that you never thought possible.Someone who loves you and who wants only what's best for you.That Someone is the Lord. He gives you everything you need.

Tags

Abandon, Accept, Admit, Argument, Battle, Betrayal, Compromise, Conflict, Effective, Emotion, Estranged, Feelings, Fighting, Forgiveness, Frustration, God, Lord, Lose, Love, Mistake, Need, Partner, Point Of View, Problem, Rejection, Relationship, Right, Sensitive, Side, Sorry, Spouse, Stake, Story, Suffer, Trust, Understanding, Version, War, Wrong

Meet the author

author avatar Emanuela
I am a 25-year old young lady who loves reading and writing,one of my passions being period novels( Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte) and fantasy books. Music and movies are next on my list.

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Comments

author avatar Stella Mitchell
12th Mar 2013 (#)

dear Emanuela. this is a good post ,and there will always be moments when things are in conflict in a close relationship , but it is always good to put them right as quickly as possible , with the Lord's help .
Bless you and yours.
Stella

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