How To Avoid Dating Married Men

kaylarStarred Page By kaylar, 7th Dec 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

A necessary check list to avoid dating married men

Five 'W's and an 'H'

One can't improve much on the 'Reporter's Creed' :
Who, What, When, Why, Where, and How.

If these questions are asked before each new relationship there would be a lot less accidental adultery going around.

The problem is most women don't investigate, some because they are trusting fools, some because they are so Into the guy, others because they have such a low self image that any man who shows interest in them is an automatic 'Yes.'

If you don't want to find yourself involved with a married man, (or the victim of a serial killer) you do your Checklist before you are caught dead with this guy.


Who is this person?

If you do not have serious self esteem problems and or engage in hook ups with random strangers, it is useful to know something about the person you are going to date more than that he looks good or drives a new car.


What does he want with you?

A random sexual encounter?
An involved relationship?

The What needs to be asked from the first glance, sometimes even before the Who.


When does he call you for a date?

This is such a red flag that only those with subterranean self esteem would ever agree to a date with less than 24 hours warning.

Calling at the virtual last minute means he has absolutely no respect for you as a person.

A man who wants to date a particular woman calls well in advance so he can make arrangements, such as buy tickets, or get his suit from the cleaner. A man who is looking for a cheap slam goes down his list of cheap slams until he hits a 'yes'.


Why you?

Are you long time friends, work at the same place, have the same interests, live in the same area? Is there such incredible chemistry that this guy you just met wants to take you out?

A person who doesn't know you, doesn't know anything about you...yet is so 'hooked' that he wants to spend time with you? Does this sound 'normal?'

Is he a Man who has never noticed you all the days months years you've been in his ambit and now suddenly, you're it?


Where is he going to take you?
Where do you meet?

Is he coming to your flat?
Meeting you at a Bar?
On the corner?

Is he taking you to some popular spot or some out of the way dive?


How is the date arranged?

Does he ask you In person in front of other people? Does he act cold in public but warm on the phone? Does he make it clear when he'll call or is it 'out of a clear blue sky' (or clear night sky) to ask you to meet him tonight?

Investigate...Who is He?


If you don’t know much about him except what you’ve gleaned from a casual conversation, you don’t know his relationships.

He could be in the bar because he had a fight with his wife, or she's out of town.
He could be a guy who has meaningless hook-ups with any female who opens her legs.

You don’t know.

Going out with someone you don't know is not particularly wise, unless it is a very casual encounter at a very neutral place; i.e. for coffee after work, or taking in
a day sporting event.

Before you put yourself into a compromising position and engage emotions, know
Who you are getting involved with.

This is not difficult.

If he says he lives at 124 Green Street, take a casual pass of that local. You might see kids toys in the yard.

Or there may be no 124 Green Street, or the house may be occupied by people who don't look at all like him, and don't know him.

BTW....if you have no idea where he lives why are you putting yourself at risk with a stranger who could be a serial killer?

Investigate What & When

What the relationship is actually is needs to be examined.

Is it so casual you don’t have his full name? Is it so ad hoc that you never know when you will see him or he will call? Is he your boyfriend? Can you introduce him to people, or is he Man of Mystery?

If you know nothing about him at the least he might be married, at the most, wanted by the F.B.I.

When he contacts you is a clear give away. Calling you at 7 PM to pick you up
at 8 or 9 suggests that he either didn’t know he’d be able to ‘get away’ that night or has been turned down by the others he called, and has finally reached your name on the list.

Sure it's a real ego compressor to think that he rang up Keisha and she said no,
he went to Lisa and she 7 pm he reached your name on his list...
but it may very well be fact.

Maybe teen aged boys are impulsive and will call a girl Friday evening for that
evening, but a grown man can't be so spontaneous unless you're engaged to him.

This man you barely know, (or barely know in a 'boyfriend' category) calls you at the last minute and you say yes?

Not only do you reveal how desperate you are, but that you're no one he needs to respect.

Investigate Why, Where & How

Why he calls you is a major question. If you are working on a project together or have known each other for awhile or have been dating for a time, there’s no question.

If he’s someone in your ambit but no one you’re close to in that sexual way, the question must be asked; why is he calling NOW?

Sure if 'something' happened and there is a reason that you can honestly write down, but in these cases he is looking for a quickie.

Where he takes you is a give away. Does he always take you to some remote place where you will never see anyone that you know? This means that he's hiding. He is hiding you. He is hiding his relationship with you. He doesn't expect anyone to see him way way over there, which is why way way over there is 'your place'.

How is another dead give away. Does he drive up to your door, come in, spend
a few minutes, or do you meet him on some corner as he drives up?

If you have to meet him on a corner, at a club, so no one can assume he is with
you is evidence he wants no publicity. No one is to know that he is dating you.
Especially not his wife.

A Little Story to Put it in Black and White

Mr. Married, known as Tommy, calls Alicia at 7 p.m. The reason he calls her at
7 p.m. is because at 5:56 Nera refused, at 6:09 Lianne refused, at 6:19 Keisha refused.....
and he's interested in a date to begin at 8:00.

Alicia agrees.

She doesn’t see Tommy often. He works way over there, she works way over here,
and their contact is by cell phone. He doesn’t call every day, they have no set times
or dates. She never knows when he’ll call.

Alicia quickly gets ready. Tommy rings her when he’s about a minute or so away. Alicia races out and up the road to the Bus Stop. She waits, he drives up, she gets into his car, and he speeds away.

They are going to a little town no one they know ever visits. They spend a little time having a drink then it's passion in the back seat.

Alicia is dropped at the Bus Stop just before eleven and Tommy drives away.

Is Anyone Surprised to Know that Tommy is married?
Probably Alicia.

Answers to the Four 'W' and One 'H'.

Who Mr. Married chooses is based on the quick and easy principle.
Alicia is easy

What he wants is a bit of fun on the side and nothing more. He can call Alicia
when it is convenient for him.

As she lives across town where he never has to be save to collect her, there’s absolutely no likelihood Mrs. Tommy will see Alicia or be anywhere near her. And if he sees anyone he knows, if he feels he is being followed, or if there's a crowd at the Bus Stop, he'll cancel, because no one is to know that he's cheating.

That is Why he calls Alicia.

Alicia isn’t Mr. Married's only slam, he’s got a couple just like her that he juggles. And juggle he does. He never knows when Mrs. Married might be doing double shift so has no idea if he is free tonight until his wife informs him.

If Mrs. Married calls at 1 PM to advise she won’t be home until 1 am he can start
his phoning at 1:10. If Mrs. Married doesn’t know she’ll be doing the late shift until 4 PM, he can’t be going down the list until 4:10. And if Mrs. Married decides to go out with her friends at 7 PM to be back at 11 PM; Tommy goes to his list of ‘Extra Easy.’ That is how a girl like Alicia got on his list.

How To Avoid Dating Married Men?

Do your investigations.

Don’t get involved with someone you don’t know. Yes, you may have worked with him for two years but never really spoke, so you DON'T know him.

You may know he uses Linux, you may know he likes Star Trek, but you don't know if he lives with his mother, a wife and five kids, or a cat.

A casual date in a public place where there’s a lot of discussion as a ‘get to know’
is one thing. Satisfy yourself that this man is single and available. (Some men are not married, but living with or in love with someone else).

If he plays ‘Man of Mystery’, it is likely that he’s with someone he is cheating on. Let him find someone else, Not You, to cheat with.

If he passes this first test or if the encounter is so casual that it isn't really a date, the
next time you are with him MUST be at a popular place where you will be seen with him. If he refuses, it a red flag that he doesn’t want to be seen with you.
If he doesn’t want to be seen with you then why are you with him?

The events surrounding the date must be examined.

Does he pick you up at your door so that the whole world can see or is it that you
have to seem to 'run into him' somewhere else? Does he drop you off at your door, or dump you on a corner?

If you like to be treated as trash, well, then I suppose his behaviour wouldn't be much of a problem. If you think you deserve to be brought to your door, then you don't date someone who can't make sure you get home safely.

Look for the Red Flags.

Some men will, when you pressure them, Agree to take you to Centrestage, then back out at the last minute ...some crap about having to work late...that is because he never intended to take you to Centrestage, he just told you that to shut you up.

Some men will lie and never stop. Don't concern yourself with anything save the fact that if he is dating you the whole world must know he is dating you. If he has to keep your relationship secret; whom is it he is keeping it secret from?
His cat?
His landlord?
The guy who sells newspapers on the corner?
Or his W I F E.

Yes, there are the rare incidents, a la Grey's Anatomy where everything pointed to McDreamy being single, so Meredith can not be condemned for dealing with a
married man...not until his Wife shows up.

But that's television. In real life, most women don't test the Who, What, Where, When, Why and How, so find themselves humiliated in public.


Adultery, Cheating, Marriage, Other Woman, Trick

Meet the author

author avatar kaylar
I am passionate about history, culture, current events, science and law

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author avatar satan fury
8th Dec 2010 (#)

This is the best article that I have read in Wikinut since I have been writing. Every single thing you said here is very true. It is very important for women to use these principles from the beginning of a relationship so you don't end up getting hurt. Women need to do their own investigation because a lot of men that are married won't tell you that they really are so they can have their cake and eat it too. Excellent article. I will come back to it again.

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author avatar kaylar
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you.

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author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Its even sadder when a woman intentionally dates a man she knows is married.

for the record cheating on my wife, has never entered my mind.

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author avatar kaylar
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Many women go after married men. In fact, they want a married man and WILL dump a guy who is NOT married. This is because they like the control it gives them.

This guide is for the woman who has made up her mind that she is NOT going to date a married man...

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author avatar D in The Darling
8th Dec 2010 (#)

One of the best articles I've ever come across since I learnt how to read. Great tips for women! If they are tired of nursing broken hearts, this is the only way out of it and into a blissful life! Respecting other women! Nice piece! I'm proud of you and for that I'm following you this day forward!

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author avatar kaylar
8th Dec 2010 (#)

Thank you. In some cases the Other Woman doesn't know she is...

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author avatar Denise O
11th Dec 2010 (#)

All great questions to ask yourself when you are on the dating scene. Good read.
Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar kaylar
11th Dec 2010 (#)

It is very important people protect themselves and are alert to signs.

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author avatar Elizabeth Parker
27th Dec 2010 (#)

because people now is very concern that they will not be heart broken and be hurt.

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author avatar Elizabeth Parker
27th Dec 2010 (#)

There's many ways to know for sure if the man you are seeing or dating is married. But the only accurate and complete data that we can sure that he is, is by check the public marriage record provided for us. Marriage record checks allow you to find out if someone is married. They search nationwide databases to check all historical marriage licenses. The service has been used by thousands of people to find out if someone is married before getting into a long term relationship with them.

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author avatar kaylar
8th Mar 2011 (#)

Not every one lives in America, knows the full real name of the chap, or can trust their record office. Besides, if he's been living with a woman for ten years, they have three kids, the fact he isn't legally married doesn't change his status.

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