How Do You Know How Good Your Friends Really Are?

Carol RoachStarred Page By Carol Roach, 1st Apr 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/i9nsg6c3/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Sometimes we get disappointed with we think we have friends but in fact these people come into our lives for a reason and then they disappear living us to wonder what happened and why.

Friends for a season or a lifetime

How do you know how good your friends really are and will they stay friends for a season or a lifetime?

I once read a popular email circulating the Internet that said something to the effect that some friends are here for a reason and some friends are here for a season.

It seems it easy for most of us to understand that our friends are here for a reason and each and every one of us can give some very valuable reasons why we have friends. The harder concept to understand is that some friends are here for a season. I am sure many of you have experienced friends that come into your life, and then leave as mysteriously as they came.

I found many of these friends when I belonged to different organizations. I could have been as close as could be to certain people whom I called friends. Our friendship was one that extended away from the organization and into our private lives. I was sure I would have the friends for life.

It turned out that the minute one of us left the organization, for whatever reason, the friendship dissolved. Sometimes it was a slow parting starting with fewer person-to-person meetings, dinner invites to the home, and finally the phone calls ended.

At other times it was abrupt. I would call my friend to see how he or she was doing and at first we had a pleasant initial phone call and I would notice the call was not reciprocated. I would make a few more attempts at keeping in contact only to be given the excuse that my friend was too busy to do an activity with me; and then too busy to even talk to me on the phone.

I was very hurt and upset the first several times it happened with friends who were still near and dear to me and then gradually the realization set in. These friends were only here for a season. What we had in common was the common involvement of the organization and once one of us left the organization that commonality disappeared as well as our friendship. In the minds of these fair-weathered friends, there was no basis for a friendship left. Although it did not make it easy to lose my friends in that manner, it did make it easier to understand the rationale behind it.

Illness in 2005

I moved from my third floor apartment in 2005. I could no longer climb the stairs. I had finally taken the big plunge and left my job. After three major sick leaves from work in less than a two-year period it became apparent that I could no longer work. I had diabetes, a thyroid problem, irritated bowel syndrome, incontinence, and aches and pains so bad they were crippling me. It was getting increasingly difficult to leave my house and then come home to drag myself up three flights of stairs. It was an ordeal that I found just too overwhelming at this point in my life. Latter, those aches and pains turned out to be fibromyalgia though I did not know it back then.

In September of 2005, I found a bottom floor and I was so happy to get it. It had a backyard for the first time in my life. The rent was high but I did not find anything cheaper at the time. However as soon as I moved in I found that the bathroom floor was completely rotten and had to be replaced.

The landlord sent over his handyman to do the job. Leopold, the handyman, lived just next door, so it was very convenient for both of us. He came the fix the floor and did other repairs as were needed as time went by. Leopold is a very friendly person and loves to talk. He is also an older man, (in 2008 he turned 72).

Normally I do not associate much with my neighbours. I am a very stick to myself kind of person, but Leopold was able to change that all around. As time moved forward, Leopold and I became good friends. He would invite me to his house every night for a coffee. I looked forward to it.

Besides his friendship I got to rely on him for many things. I soon found that my disability was getting worst and I was housebound for 10 months out of the year. I could not do many things. Leopold took care of the grass for me in the summer months and the snow shoveling in the winter. He also got food from the food bank. I couldn't walk while he had a car and could bring it home for me. I began to rely heavily on him.

By December 2007, things began to change. The landlord sold the property to another landlord who is a real jerk. This new landlord only cared about collecting his rent, but did not want to do any repairs. Leopold had a big fight with the landlord over repairs that he needed in his place. The landlord told him if he didn't like it he could move. Leopold said there was no way he was moving and was going to fight it at the rental board. We would have many discussions about what was his best plan of action on how to get the landlord to do the repairs. Each time Leopold swore the landlord would not win and he was not going to move.

Winter turned into spring of this year and Leopold was not as close to me as he used to be. He would still invite me for a coffee only now, instead of 7 nights a week it was closer to once a week. He claimed he was tired from working hard all day. I understood. He is 72 years old after all.

He choose to move

In the meantime, his cat had a litter and I was promised first pick. I choose a six-toed little gray kitten. For the first four weeks after the birth of the kittens, he would talk about my kitten and how she was progressing and I would see her each time I went for coffee.

After a while he stopped talking about the kitten, and when I went in for coffee I ask to see her and he said, "oh she is around someplace", but he didn't make an effort to find her like he did all the other times. I found that odd.

A week later when I went in for my now weekly coffee, he still didn't mention the kitten. I said to my son I have a feeling he has changed his mind and has promised that kitten to somebody else.

It was also at that time that he gave me some very startling news. He was moving and he had already signed the lease for the first of September 2005. I was dumbfounded. I hadn't expected it. He was so adamant all along that he would not move and let the landlord win. I told him that I was very sad, I was actually choking back the tears; the news hit me so hard. Leopold was my friend and I was losing him.

"You will tell me what day you will be moving when you know for sure won't you?"

"Of course," he retorted.

Last week again I said to my son,

"We are not going to get that kitten. Now that Leopold is moving he will not feel obliged to give me it."

I kept checking the windows to see if he had taken down his blinds but everything was still in place. On Thursday my son comes home to say,
"Looks like Leopold is leaving tonight. His truck is out back and he has all kinds of stuff on the gallery."

I went and rang his bell and asked if he needed help. He said,

"There is not much left. I moved out last week."

I was shocked, he had promised to tell me the date he was moving and he never bothered. He didn't think it was important enough to let me know. The house was empty except for the bit of odds and ends he had on the balcony.

We talked for a bit and he said to me,

" I have bad news for you. Your cat is gone. It was stolen. The guy that helped me move stole her."

I knew he had given her away; I felt it three weeks before he moved.

I kept thinking over and over again, why did he have to lie about it? Why did he promise to tell me the day he was moving and then be out for a whole week? If my son hadn't seen the truck and the stuff on the gallery, he probably would have moved the remaining stuff and still not tell us.

Conclusion

I thought Leopold and I had a solid friendship, but I see just like the friends from the organization, we were friends for as long as we had something in common. That something in common was the fact that we were next-door neighbours. I doubt if I will ever see Leopold again. He never offered to give me his new address and telephone number. In fact he was pretty evasive about it.

Sometimes friends come into our life for a reason and his reason was to help a disabled woman, but then sometimes they are friends just for season. Now the season is up.

Addendum: I saw Leopold only once more then he never contacted me again.


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Tags

Acquaintance, Acquaintances, Friends, Good Friends, Relationship Advice, Relationship Help, Relationship Issues, Relationship Problems, Relationship Tips, True Friends

Meet the author

author avatar Carol Roach
Retired therapist and author of two books, freelance writer, newsletter editor, and blogger. I write, health, mental health, women's issues, animal , celebrity, history, and SEO articles.

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Comments

author avatar cnwriter..carolina
2nd Apr 2015 (#)

dear Carol...friends come, friends go...some stay...but the friendship will always be in our hearts where no one can harm it...except ourselves...blessings..

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author avatar Melissa Dawn
2nd Apr 2015 (#)

Carol, this was a beautiful heartfelt article. I too have had some friendships end (reminds me of an article I want to write). Remember we all love you here.

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author avatar Kingwell
2nd Apr 2015 (#)

It is often difficult to understand why things happen as they do. I have many acquaintances but few close friends. Childhood friends move on and although we may keep in touch there is little but memories to bind us. I guess there is a reason why things happen as they do. Blessings.

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author avatar Retired
6th Apr 2015 (#)

Great share.

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author avatar Frama
11th Jun 2015 (#)

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