How Do I Walk Away?

Paula Megginson By Paula Megginson, 25th May 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Domestic Violence & Abuse

Abused women are at a disadvantage in their relationships, because they do not understand how they got where they are and why this keeps happening to them. They also do not know how to break the cycle (most of them). They often blame themselves and try to mend things by doing more and trying to be better so that their partners will love them more and stop the abuse. They don't often know the key is to walk away and change who they are.

Early Education

As a young girl I was always told that boys are bad and that they have bad motives. I was told not to do what they wanted because it would always end up in sorrow for me. I was very observant, however, as a young girl and I heard the older women in the family talk about men as if we needed them and we needed to please them to keep them in our lives. From that I decided we were placed here to please a man and he in turn would marry us and take care of us all the days of our lives. I just needed to learn how to please them since they were such complex creatures. Sometimes good and sometimes bad who would know?

One Time Too Many!

I learned that there are many different types of relationships between men and women and the one I kept getting was not my dream. The man changed faces but his behavior was always the same. I thought it was my fault, maybe I wasn't pleasing enough, or maybe I had to learn to give more or maybe I needed to be more forgiving...I finally got tired. I felt like I had gone the distance and to no avail. It was finally time to be by myself and figure out what was wrong. Was it me or was it them? Did I know how to please a man or was there any pleasing them at all? Was I designed by God to be abused or to be loved? These are questions I had to ask myself and find answers to and I could not do it with men in my life absorbing all of my time. I made up my mind to live alone for a while and get to know me, but I did not know how to walk away.

I Can't Have You; Goodbye!

I ache with desire for you,
But I know I can't have you.
That hurts!
I long to feel you deep inside me,
But, I know I can't have you.
God means so much to me,
You can't possibly compare.
I can't loose my GOD,
In order to gain you!

My body yearns to feel your gentle touch on my brow,
But I know I can't have you.
My flesh yearns to feel your sweet dripping,
As you take pleasure in my flesh,
But I know I can't have you!
You tease me,
But you don't want me the right way.
Bearing that in mind,
I must not let you.
This torture is not worth it all.
I need God more than I need you.
He loves me!
You lust for me.
He enjoys me.
You want to use me.
He desires my company.
You desire my booty.
I must let you go,

Forever!
Goodbye!

I soon realized I was not a whore, put here for anyone's use. There was more to me than just my flesh. Someone out there would be man enough to see who I really am but first I had to see that for myself. I needed to spend a few years with me and learn of my own self worth so that I could show the world who I was. I no longer needed to be dictated to but I needed to announce me. I needed to be proud of me and love me more than anyone else had.

Loving Me, Some Me!

Loving me, some me, has washed me of much pain and torment and when I am totally washed clean I will be ready to love someone else and be loved by someone else. Until then I will keep loving and getting to know me.

Tags

Abuse, Abuse In The Home, Abuse Of Words, Abuse Women, Abusive Behavior, Abusive Relationships

Meet the author

author avatar Paula Megginson
Hello! My name is Paula (Brower) Megginson, I am a 55 year old mother of 3 (adults), and a writer and lover of poetry. I am a Christian and ordained minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I have been

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Comments

author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
22nd Jun 2014 (#)

Interesting post

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author avatar Paula Megginson
22nd Jun 2014 (#)

Thanks?

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author avatar Joyce Singha
15th Jul 2014 (#)

This domestic violence issue is very complicated and very difficult to get out of. It creates a complete breakdown of self: emotionally, physically, spiritually eta and takes loads of strength to get out of it.

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author avatar Paula Megginson
23rd Jul 2014 (#)

You are so right I know this first hand, but it can be done. I want to encourage any one who may be in such a situation to know there is hope and help!

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author avatar WOGIAM
30th Jul 2014 (#)

It can be diificult to walk away from abuse of any kind, but with paryers and faith, the power and will can be found. Thanks for sharing this article.

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author avatar Paula Megginson
14th Sep 2014 (#)

Wogiam you are so welcome! You are also very correct in what you say. Walking away is more than challenging but the end reward is worth it all! Especially if you get help afterwards.

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author avatar SaigonDeManila
4th Mar 2015 (#)

did the poem last line..validated on the last paragraph or I miss it altogether?

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author avatar Paula Megginson
20th Jul 2015 (#)

It is a line sharing my process of healing..

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