How Children are Raised Affects Them Forever
Abuse does not have to be physical. Sometimes the abuse that does the most harm is the abuse of the spirit, gotten though words or actions. I remember as a child feeling better about being whipped with a belt, as it felt like it relieved the tension somehow.
How to or Not to Raise Children
It always concerns me how children are raised, not because I have children but because I was once a child. I know the damage that can be done to a child's self image and self-esteem if raised by unhappy or unloving parents.
I was not unloved growing up. While my father would be best defined as absent, my mother was almost overbearingly present in my life, My father really just never had time for me. He was too busy trying to make a living, which he did but very meagerly. My mother was always with me,...in fact, I was her confident in many cases with her grievances about my father.
In addition, the world was a scarey place for my mother who actually seemed to believe that the world was out to get her. She reacted out of that belief so then many in that world were out to get her.....back for something she had said or done to them. In my mother's world you did not admit a fear because somebody would use it against you. She got that pretty honestly from one of her brothers who really would try and put tobacco worms, which she was terrified of, on her. What can I say, he was twisted human being.
But now, take a fear driven mother and add a father who was the child of an abusive parent who used the Bible like it was a sledge hammer to destory anybody he considered an enemy and you have a very unhappy family,especially when you thrown illness on the part of the mother into the mix. Actually now that I think about it, my father was also afraid, of being beat by his father growing up, and as an adult of questioning anything told him by anybody with any authority whatsoever.
I have to struggle to this very day because I don't trust people very easily (remember they are all out to get you,according to my mother) and have a horrible time getting myself to get close to anybody. Throw in the religious angle and I am warped.
My most recent pastor told me in a session one time that we get our understanding of what God must be like from dealing with our parents. So with my configuration, God can not be trusted and would likely rather smite than bless. The first sign of redemption on that may have been my 7th grade english teacher who modeled the humur of laughing at herself.
Now, I am growing, and have been growing for some time to know how off that is. But it is amazing hard to outgrow or overcome once it has been instilled in the psychi. Many people want to do well by you, many people have compassion. I have had those traits modeled to me so I know they exist.
Still, I have to work to allow myself to actually make friends, but it is a work that is as necessary as it is fruitful, as I do not want to live and die alone. I may be an introvert but not THAT much of one.
I know not everybody believes there is a God, but there too much history for me to even be able to reject all possibilities on that score. So I choose to continue to try and amend the faith I inherited into something life affirming, and enriching. I believe there is just as much evidence to support that, as there is the contrary although admittedly some of that is right down in my heart.
Remember if you have children, try to raise them to have good self-esteem, to think as well as possible of others, and to have a good spiritual foundation, not one that leaves them cowering in the bushes of fear and despair.