Five Keys to More A More Loving Relationship

Tammy Cox By Tammy Cox, 5th Aug 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Creating and maintaining a healthy, loving relationship is one of the most difficult jobs we will ever have. It is also one for which we receive little if any training.

1. Appreciation and encouragement are the nutrients that make love grow.

Your Spouse must have had many wonderful qualities to attract you in the first place. Unfortunately these qualities often become taken for granted and then covered by a mask of discouragement and hurt. Look for those things you first fell in love with. They are still there and if you expect and acknowledge them they will shine through. Tell your spouse how much you appreciate him/her for something and notice how much more often he/she does it. The more specific you are with your appreciation the better.

Examples: "I love watching how gentle you are with the children."...... "It makes me feel so loved when you call me during the day just to say hi!" ....... "I enjoy it when we cook together." ..... "You always make me laugh!" "What a treat to come home to a clean house!" ...... "Thank you for being such a good provider." End each day by telling your partner one thing you love about him or her. Make it a lifetime habit.

2. Empathy

To understand how your partner feels about something ask yourself, "How would I feel if my partner said (did) that to me?" .... "How would I feel if that happened to me?" That will give you the best understanding into the reactions you get. The old "Do unto others" adage is very important in relationships and we need to remember that we all feel and react to things in pretty much the same ways. We will learn far more about each other if we focus on all the ways we are just alike instead of the minor differences.

3. Make being close more important than being right.

Most of us think that if we acknowledge that the other person is right it means that we must be wrong and most of us really resist being wrong. However, if we change that paradigm and allow that it is possible and usually quite likely that whenever there is disagreement both parties are right AND both parties are wrong ... depending on which street corner you are on. Each person is viewing the situation from his or her own unique perspective. Be willing to say, "You're right!".

4. Learn to ask for what you want.

If you are not asking for what you want in your relationship, you probably aren't going to get it. If you are not getting what you want you will get resentful and out of that resentment you will not be willing to give your partner what he/she wants. To not ask is to be mean. It is putting your partner in a no win situation and expecting him/her to read your mind. When asked what they want more than anything, most people will say, "I just want my partner to be happy." This is because the most joy comes in giving to the one you love -- not getting from the one who loves you. Often the most loving thing you can do is
allow your partner to give you a gift especially if it is exactly what you have asked for. To give is to receive, and to receive is to give. A relationship really only works when it works for both parties.

5. Choose love and forgiveness over fear and revenge.

Revenge always creates more revenge. Love and forgiveness create more love and forgiveness. It is a spiritual law of the universe that if you want something, especially love, all you have to do is give it away and it will come back to you. However, you cannot give love for the purpose of getting love in return. That is not clean and pure love, but love with a hook and hooks stick and hurt. So when you are feeling alienated from your partner, ask yourself whether you are choosing love or revenge. Only when you are aware of what you are doing are you going to be at choice about it.


While there are many other helpful keys to a loving relationship these are some of the most important and having the courage to implement them should greatly enhance any marriage.


Love Loving Behavior, Marriage Advice, Relationship Advice, Relationship Help, Relationships Love

Meet the author

author avatar Tammy Cox
Parent educator and instructor trainer, relationship coach, public speaker, writer, Mother, Grandmother, former caregiver of elderly parent and now several dogs and a cat.

Share this page

moderator Mark Gordon Brown moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


author avatar Sivaramakrishnan A
6th Aug 2014 (#)

Good points, thanks Tammy. Investing time - work is for family and not the other way; contentment in life is important - of course, not to the extent of being lazy! Some couples leave a lasting impression because of the love they have for each other and it keeps growing. One should be willing to overlook little faults, idiosyncrasies in the other and should not try to change them too when we accepted them with warts and all! siva

Reply to this comment

author avatar Tammy Cox
7th Aug 2014 (#)

Good points Siva!

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Can't login?