Even Good and Loving Parents Lose their Children

Angeles Mizilla By Angeles Mizilla, 24th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/gkp27y4v/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Kids

I work for Children Services. I see a lot of bad things.
The worst pain I have endured in my job is watching a child who was loved and well taken care of by a parent get taken permanently away from him or her... Because the parent was ill, or unable or unavailable for one reason or another to provide the needs of the child.

Every child needs a safe and loving home.

Every child needs shelter, protection, clothes, food ,affection, education, encouragement, laughter, instruction, guidance, role models.... the list is long and endless.
What if you were a parent who could provide all of these things and do so abundantly and well.... until you have an accident or a diagnosis that renders you unable to work, or unable to function daily.

Though You are a good parent. A gentle and loving, hard working parent who does everything right.
A parent who does not scream or yell or beat or abuse, who never misses a Dr. appointment or a school play. A parent who never misses a meal... or a snack, or a chance to kiss a skinned knee or a bruised ego. Or a chance to giggle or tickle or have a family game night or a trip to the park... a parent who holds your child when she cries, wipes boogers when she is sick, cleans up sicky messes and ornery toddler messes, never with complaint... and manages the bills and the house and the yard and the madness that is somehow magic called your family?

BUT one day you find yourself ill, with no help. Cancer? Kidney disease? Heart Failure? Mental illness? Loss of the bread winning parent, or a layoff that leaves you homeless? You are weak and tired and maybe you're dying and you have no family or friends to step in and help you with your children? What do you do? Who do you turn to? What comes of your babies?

What if you are a gentleman who never even knows you have created a child, until you have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, sitting in the car waiting on a buddy you were out drinking and having a good ole time with, who just ran in for a pack of smokes, who comes out, hops into the driver seat and takes off. It comes only after you're arrested in the street the next day after having been seen on the outside camera of the convenience store... seen to be sitting in the getaway car. You get charged with accessory. That "buddy" of yours had robbed the convenience story at gunpoint, and assaulted the clerk. and then , as you are waiting for sentencing... to find out you have a son. A son whose mother is drug addicted and wants nothing to do with your beautiful child.

Had you known, you might have made different choices about who to spend your time with or what to do with your nights. You might have had a reason to live, outside of yourself and therefore been home taking care of a child who was already born, taken immediately into foster care and man after man was being tested for a DNA match to determine paternity...

I have seen these stories. A mother who was wonderful, and life was good. Nurturing, gentle, loving. Dad slipped further and further into alcoholism. Moms mental illness surfaced and raged out of control. The family fell apart. Mom couldn't continue with the kids, Dad went off to prison.... They visited regularly over a period of a couple of years on grounds as they Tried and Tried, but Mental illness is a disease like so many others... Mom was in and out of institutions, meds weren't working or wouldn't stay working.

Eventually, Mom realized the best things to do for the kids was to give them a forever home.

In the case of the father who got into trouble before learning he had a son, He came to visit for several months as the baby grew and changed, turned one and had his first Christmas, waiting and waiting on the trial and sentencing for his crime.

Eventually, the time came for sentencing, and Dad signed over custody of his son too...

One mother had a set of children... her husband beat her and shot her up with drugs... and life was what it was... her addiction spurred on by her husbands actions were so severe, that even after he died of a drug overdose, she was unable to kick the habit. Her mind, diseased with the addiction.

Eventually after countless attempts at trying and not being able to succeed at sobriety, Permanent Child Custody or PCC, was granted to the county child services agency who held this case. This mother sat in the visitation room with her children, held them and kissed them and told them the story of how adults have a set of responsibilities, and how she had failed to accomplish her responsibilities to them. The consequence for her inability to do this meant that she would no longer be able to see them, and be their mother, but that she loved them and would always love them. She explained that she had an illness and that the illness had created limitations to her abilities, but at no time in this conversation did she ever blame the disease, or anyone else for giving it to her... She simply wanted them to know that she wanted to, but she was not strong enough to overcome her struggles.

It's difficult to see children who are abused and neglected. It is horrific to see the cases where there has been sex abuse and other such heinous crimes against children...

You can blame those things on sick individuals, foolish, careless, crazy, incompetent individuals... It's always hard to see... but you do what you can to help those children pick up the pieces and help them understand it was not their fault...

But the parents who do everything in their power right, but their power is not mighty enough, now those cases, hurt the most. Because in essence this case was no ones fault. Not really...

Tags

Child Abuse, Drug Addiction, Families, Family, Home, Homelessness, Neglect, Neglect From Family, Neglected Kids

Meet the author

author avatar Angeles Mizilla
I am a single 34 year old woman. I work as a Case Aide with a Children Services agency in Ohio. I love photography, animals, reading, music, food and family. I primarily write from life experience.

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