Dying Inside: Do you know I am abused?

Charlee Felice By Charlee Felice, 11th Aug 2014 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/2zylfc5a/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Domestic Violence & Abuse

Many women stay in an abusive relationship because they think the abuser will change.

Dying Inside: Do you know I am abused?

That’s Ok. Many women, in the same situation, feel that way at some point or another, I know I did, but the story doesn’t have to end there. It may seem impossible to change the situation, but there is always hope, there is always a way out, but most of all there are people and agencies that can help. I am sure that you have heard the words, “you are not alone”, but that’s exactly how you probably feel. Many of us keep it a secret and don’t even tell our closest friend. Why do we do that? Because we are terrified of him finding out we told someone. True, he has a hold on you, they have a hold on us, and they all control the victims. You are a victim, just like I was. You haven’t done anything to provoke the anger, I know I didn’t. Regardless, that is how you feel, that is how I felt. I believed that if I did things different, maybe he wouldn’t become so angry. I thought that if I didn’t complain, he wouldn’t get angry. I thought that if dinner was ready, he wouldn’t become angry. I thought if I didn’t argue with him, he wouldn’t become angry. The truth was that it didn’t matter, he still became angry.

You see, an abuser doesn’t become an abuser because he is with me or you. An abuser is already an abuser and the triggers are in his mind not in our actions. The hold they get on us is achieved by penetrating our vulnerability, our humility and our “niceness.” There was a point in the relationship, that if we went out anywhere, I just didn’t speak or said anything unless he spoke to me directly. The reason being, although, in front of everyone he would put on a show and would be charming, polite, and delightful and so on, the moment we were home he would find a reason to argue and start the abuse all over again. Does this sound familiar? Are you afraid to speak to co-workers, friends or family about your situation? Then you are being controlled by an abuser, not because you did something wrong, but because you are in an abusive relationship with someone you love, and this love is what he is holding on to.

My worst enemy was my own mind. In it I would play out the situation and would try to reason logically with myself of why it was happening. Some of my thoughts were: What would I do on my own? What will my family think? What if I tell someone and they don’t believe me? What if I tell someone and if he finds out he tries to hurt them, too? Where am I going to live? The control these men have is indescribable. I am sure he belittles you and makes you think that you deserve it and that you are lucky to be with him, because no one is going to want you. But, you know what, that is absolutely not true. You are great, you are awesome, you are a beautiful creature and you don’t deserve any of the hostile words, emotional harassment or physical punishment.

The words I put on this article are easy to be read and understood, but the situation I was in, or you may be in is not such. I can’t read what situation you are in. For what I know, you could be my sister, my cousin, my friend, my neighbor or my co-worker, but if you don’t speak out, then I can’t help, no one can help, because no one knows your pain, your suffering, your daily fight for survival or your struggles. By no means do I think that it’s easy to get away. It took me years to do it. At times, I thought I would not live to see the next day. It was at those times, I would cry myself to sleep and would pray to God my soul to keep; because that was the only thing this beast could not take from me.

I believe you need encouragement, I believe you need help. I know I did. I was so afraid, and so scared, that I thought I was never getting out. I thought I would be trapped in his world forever. I thought I was going to die. I sought courage from inside my soul and heart. The little bit I had left, and made a plan and did get out. Back when this happened to me, there were no resources, no help, no support, but I did have my parents and my brother, who believed in me and helped me get through, once I told them. I was so afraid, that I hid everything from them for a very long time. If you have family, please let them know, they may be your best allies. I you don’t have family, there are shelters. The shelters will give you support, counseling, daycare, a fresh start and the courage you need to get back on your own two feet. Maybe you don’t know what to expect from a shelter. So find out. Call the Domestic Violence hotlines and get informed. Once you make the decision to start your life again, do it like a soldier going into enemy lines, quietly. Don’t leave a note, don’t leave a trace of the calls you made or the address where you are going. Just follow the directions and instructions. Once you get to where you’re going, take a deep breath, you are now a survivor.

Think back to who you were before all this. You can be, and actually, still are that same woman full of hopes and dreams. Don’t think back, think forward. Don’t regret, just forget. Most of all don’t let yourself down, take a stand, fight for your life, and be a survivor. Get out, be free, be yourself again. And while you are doing it, say to yourself, “I am beautiful, a survivor, a fighter, and capable of anything I put my mind to do.” If there is no one that believes in you, then let me be that someone. Let me give back to you what I didn’t have, a fellow friend that knows what you are going through. You are not alone.

When God closes a door, is because there is a better one ahead. So go ahead, step right in.

Tags

Abuse, Abuse And Violence In The Home, Abusive Relationships, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Abuse Story, Domestic Violence

Meet the author

author avatar Charlee Felice
Write to love, love to write.
A bit of this and a tad of that. However, inspiration, love, relationships, and health are my best topics.

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Comments

author avatar Joyce Singha
11th Aug 2014 (#)

Great post. As in any situation of abuse, it's the one who's doing it is the one with the problem. As women, we are not taught to leave others' happiness and content to them. Somehow we make ourselves responsible for making everyone happy and off ours forget ourselves. A full recovery involves physical, mental, emotional, psychological and very importantly spiritual. God Bless. Keep on moving.

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author avatar Retired
12th Aug 2014 (#)

Well written article! It is so true that it is the abuser who has the problem and not the one being abused.

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author avatar Charlee Felice
19th Aug 2014 (#)

Thank you for your comments. Speaking about abuse is not easy.

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