Death of a Life Partner

Vickie Collins By Vickie Collins, 11th Jan 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/355jlhnz/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Bereavement

Being at a death is not easy but somebody has to do it, or we will all die, at some point alone and seemingly isolated and uncared for.

Introduction

As those reading my intro will know, I am a gay crossdresser. That means that I am a man loving man, who also enjoys dressing in female attire for shows and more recently as a social outlet. I have, over the course of the last 25 years, developed quite a social network both in real life and on the internet.

Part of that was I had a SO, who was male, and he and i lived together 13 of the last 15 years of his life. And that entire time, he was fighting the HIV virus on a daily basis.

Another Death Bed

The last two years were not so good. He was forced to quiet drinking alcohol, he had been a six pack a day guy. He was told quiet bluntly that if he wanted to live more than six months, he would give the booze. To his credit he did...without looking back and with no relapses.

Over the next 17 or so months till he died, I went on a trip with him where I had to borrow a wheelchair so that he could get to visit with friends in the hotel where our convention was. His legs simply would no longer support.

It wasn't but about a month later than he had to be rushed to the hospital for about 3 weeks of the worst days of my life - and I count my mother's death. First he was in the hospital, and then had to be taken to hospice.

During this time, he quite responding to any stimuli. No speaking, no eating. And bedsores all over him. Incontinent. The whole thing.

I literally watched his body shut down.

I don't ever want to go though watching something like that again - don't begrudge one second of it, only glad i was able to do it, but never again, Lord, please.

Aftermath

What it taught me is that I totally understand why someone who has been with a partner (husband, wife, best friend, whatever) for 60 or 70 years, will often die within months of losing that person. I saw an aunt and uncle do that exact thing. You see, I was only with him for 15 years, and I have yet to feel whole again - and it has been 8 years.

Death of a parent is something that I think we more or less prepare ourselves for. But not a life partner, not someone that has stood by our side for years. Even though the load isn't any lighter, and the problems any easier, somehow their being there makes it seem easier and lighter.

Where that is gone - how does one go on?!!! THAT is the question, and yet we have to. :)

Tags

Aids, Death, Death Of Loved One

Meet the author

author avatar Vickie Collins
I am a gay crossdresser who writes under my non-de-plume. I have a variety of interests, science fiction, religion, psychology. I recently moved from Nashville Tn to New Orleans.

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Comments

author avatar Tinka
12th Jan 2015 (#)

Even being with someone you love for only one day, one week or one year, the pain and sorrow is not less than one felt after 60 years

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author avatar Eve Sherrill York
12th Jan 2015 (#)

I think we learn to exist without our loved one but we never get over their passing. I can certainly understand why you are dealing with depression. You've lost a lot of loved ones.

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author avatar Vickie Collins
12th Jan 2015 (#)

Eve I think that is why he was so in denial about my mother, he was already feeling his own bad health. It is hard.

Tinka well, I think the longer you have somebody, the more use to having them you get --so that it is harder to adjust.

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author avatar Eve Sherrill York
12th Jan 2015 (#)

Feelings tend to get all mixed up at times like that.

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author avatar Vickie Collins
12th Jan 2015 (#)

Amen, Eva, Amen!!!!!

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author avatar Eve Sherrill York
12th Jan 2015 (#)

Time is the only healer in such things.

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author avatar Carol Roach
12th Jan 2015 (#)

Yes hon, we have to move on to forge a new life for ourselves. I have yet to go through the death of my mother, step father and aunts, then my partner who is 8 years old than me.

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author avatar Harris Mungai
12th Jan 2015 (#)

Very sad indeed,some will not know how to cope with it.Some might even have to see counselor or even commit suicide.

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author avatar Vickie Collins
12th Jan 2015 (#)

yes, I think that is why so many couples die so close to each other - not that it is necessarily sucide but the desire not to be here is strong.

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author avatar blainsmommy
12th Jan 2015 (#)

i am so sorry to hear about that and i hope you fin dthe peace you need

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author avatar Vickie Collins
12th Jan 2015 (#)

other than being lonely, I am ok.

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