Dealing with mixed emotions for your ex-spouse

Melissa Dawn By Melissa Dawn, 12th Jun 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

After a divorce both parties can have very mixed emotions for each other that they never anticipated. Dealing with your mixed emotions is essential for moving on and starting a new life.

After a divorce

The ink is dry, the final decree of your divorce has been issued and now you should feel free to move on with your new life; if only it weren't for dealing with mixed emotions for your ex spouse. Many couples get so caught up in the divorce process and the sour emotions that prompted it; that they expect to only feel relief when it's all over. Discovering you have mixed emotions for your ex can come instantaneously or slowly over time. Dealing with your own emotions is essential; they must deal with their own. Here's how you can move on.

Anticipate mixed emotions

The relationship experts and certainly the divorce lawyers usually don't tell us that we should anticipate mixed emotions for our ex spouse when the divorce is over. Big money is made from couples counseling before a divorce; and huge money is made from dating services pushing for new singles to get back out there! Feelings of nostalgia for the good times, anger for the bad times, especially if financial, sexual or emotional betrayal occurred are common and natural. While some people often have such overwhelming anger that the only solution they can think of is to seek revenge, this is rarely a good idea and usually backfires. Others try to work out their mixed feelings with the ex they separated from; also a bad idea. There is a reason they are your ex!

Get some help

Working through these feelings can take weeks, months or even years if the divorce ended badly. While many new singles seek to work out their feelings and issues on their own, attending emotional recovery groups such as Emotions Anonymous or using the services of a Life Coach can greatly expedite the process. If you seek out the services of a traditional therapist such as a Psychologist or Psychotherapist, make sure you can not only afford the fee's but that you work with someone you are comfortable with. Your mixed emotions will linger far longer if your Therapist does not share your spiritual or moral values or tries to invalidate your emotional experiences.
Start to enjoy your own life

Many newly divorced people with mixed emotions find that along with working through emotions and seeking counseling, the best way to cope is by staying busy. Getting in touch with old friends; going back to school, starting a new job, beginning new hobbies or rediscovering old ones, and volunteering with people less fortunate than yourself all help to re balance you emotionally as you begin to see yourself through fresh eyes. Developing a vision for the future that includes jobs, interests, and new relationship expectancies go along way in helping feelings of anxiety, anger and resentment to fall away. Recreating yourself is paramount to closing old wounds, especially regarding your ex and the reality you had together.

Mixed emotions for your ex spouse do fade away in time. No matter how bad the marriage or even the divorce, horrendous memories or just bad ones, along with the good ones can be dealt with and compartmentalized. Accepting that mixed emotions for your ex spouse are common along with making a clear commitment to ourselves to recover emotionally and begin anew or what we all must do. In the end all we really have is ourselves, and our new life with better times and opportunities is waiting for us!


After A Divorce, Dating After Divorce, Divorce, Divorce And Your Ex, Moving On After Divorce

Meet the author

author avatar Melissa Dawn
I have been writing ever since I can remember, and currently focus my attention on articles, how to guides and e-books. Check out my group e-book at

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author avatar rajaryanme
16th Jun 2010 (#)

A very fine article Melissa.

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author avatar sgheriyanto
18th Jun 2010 (#)

tease to read, Mel...

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author avatar S.L.Lawson
24th Jun 2010 (#)

Great information. It is always difficult to know what to do with those silly mixed emotions after a break-up.

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author avatar Retired
22nd Aug 2010 (#)

Excellent article

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