Conflits of Heart and Mind

Karen Nolan Rose By Karen Nolan Rose, 29th Nov 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Daily Life

Depression regarding cancer and chemo is sometimes very overwhelming. It consumes finances interferes with family stability and income capabilities.

Heartfelt conflicts

How does one overcome feeling discouraged on a daily basis? I have so much to be thankful for and yet, my mind continues to fall back on the things we need and cannot attain. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, the start of the Holiday season and my family was here to celebrate it with me. I smiled, hugged and carried on about all the happiness flowing all around me, yet deep in my heart there was sadness and unfulfilled emptiness.
I have been dealing with leukemia for two years now (and yes, I know I should be very thankful) but I cannot work and everything I have tried to do here from home, fails. I cannot help my husband with the bills, let alone attempt to purchase gifts for our eight grandchildren. I am not asking for handouts or sympathy, just venting in case there are others out there like me. What am I to do? How do I find my happiness when there truly is a lot of it around me? I have tried to write stories and have several written, yet no publisher accepts them even though I have been told by so many they are wonderful. I have tried to do freelance writing, yet no one acknowledges my attempts to write for them. Unless I want to pay for the know-how, I can’t seem to get my fingers in the door.
Depression is beginning to overwhelm me and have even been talking with a counselor and what she tells me over and over, “Be thankful for what you do have.” “Rely on your faith, which I truly have an abundance of, to get you through.” None of this is helping and I feel like I am alone in my struggles. I just need a shot, someone to help me get published or one of the many companies I have contacted to give me a shot at their advertising, descriptive sales pitches, or creative ideas for their products.
Am I destined to waste away fighting the cancer fight, dealing with no hair and chemo attitude or be the person I have always been which is uplifting, faithful, jolly and funny; giving talks to those who will listen about the fights I have fought and won. When I was working as a nurse, I was asked to talk at conventions, schools and nursing classes, but since I am stuck home the phone never rings anymore. I have offered my services to the local colleges and when I go to talk to them, “they will let me know.” Guess it is the light missing from my eyes that spurns their interest, certainly can’t be the almost hairless head because everyone respects us out here fighting cancer, right?
Anyway, thanks for reading and if anyone has any ideas, please let me know. I am very eager to get back to life. I might mention that I am in remission at the moment and yes, still taking my daily dose of chemo. Doctors say I will have to take it for as long as I live. Go figure……I was hoping to someday get all my hair back.
“My Soul, be at rest in God alone, from whom comes my hope.” Psalm 62:6 KJV bible

Tags

Cancer Fighting, Depression, Discouragement, Family Needs

Meet the author

author avatar Karen Nolan Rose
I’m a Harley owner/rider, Registered Nurse, Writer, and am happily married. I love writing about everything and anything especially all that happens during the day concerning grandchildren and love

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Comments

author avatar Necola Tull
29th Nov 2013 (#)

It's very difficult to get your foot in the door in the writing business. I wrote about it last week when I was feeling depressed. I've been told to market myself, i.e. get a website with examples of my work; do some copy writing or editing work to build up a reputation. It's also a great idea to search the web for opportunities. I have been across sites where you have to bid for jobs, which I don't like, and I've found some that pay very little for article writing. I'm not pushing myself as much as I should, but I still don't want to pay someone to get a paying job. Some places claim to have the best paying writing jobs in the market, but at a fee. It's just something to think about. Elance and Odesk are two you may want to check out.
As for being thankful, I wouldn't worry about the material things people normally think about during the holidays. It's a blessing in itself to be alive, and to be with family and friends that love and care about you. You have enough to deal with from battling cancer. Concentrate on your health. Get as much support as possible in order to keep your spirits up; including holding onto God's unchanging hand. You are in remission for a reason. You have this free time for a reason - - don't stop writing even if it's just a few lines on this site. Keep your mind on positive things as often as possible. There will be sad and depressing days, but that's where the support comes in.
F.Y.I. I can be supportive to others, but I don't generally take my own advice. :)
I try to find some better paying writing jobs, but the one where I have to pay almost $200 for is a bit much, yet very appealing. It claims that a writer can earn thousands by writing just one letter. I think it's AWAI. If nothing else, read some of the advice they give for getting into the business. It may make you feel more positive about your writing. Who knows, you may be interested in investing.
Thanks for your article; it has inspired me to write this long response to you. It's the most I've written in days. Sharing your experiences does help others.
Happy Hoildays
Necola

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author avatar Karen Nolan Rose
30th Nov 2013 (#)

Thank you very much for your advice. It was very hard putting myself out there and reading your words are very comforting. You are very correct in your statement that God's hand is unchanging, it is me that needs to feel it and say it til I feel it. Your advice with regards to writing and getting myself out there is very informative. I will take your advice, as soon as I figure it all out. God bless you and Happy Holidays to you and your family.

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author avatar Retired
30th Nov 2013 (#)

This is very interesting. I have access to a book on depression where in global audience share their view.If you wish I could send over a link to you. I have access to some practical stress buster e-books too. I can share them as well. Just message me please.

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author avatar Retired
3rd Dec 2013 (#)

Hello Dear, how are you doing today? am ( Miss rose) i visited your lovely profile today and am interested in knowing more about you. please kindly write me back directly to my private email address is(roseapia_2013@yahoo.in )for you to know more about me. I believe knowing each other will help us in future communications. please write me directly to my email address here (roseapia_2013@yahoo.in ) .

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author avatar Fern Mc Costigan
7th Dec 2013 (#)

Very interesting post

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