Changes: Removing False and Toxic Friends
There are those that will claim to be your friend, swearing undying loyalty but always vanish when things are not convenient for them. Then there are those that will drain you emotionally, physically and financially while claiming they are helping you. In their mind they believe the lies they tell to get what they want.
The last couple of years have left me vulnerable to those who would use anyone for their own personal gain. There have been those who where acquaintances for years that decided they were my best friend while knowing little to nothing about me. Worse yet where those who injected themselves into my life in an attempt to take over and take advantage of my nerves which were not and are still not the best.
Some interesting lessons have been learned the last couple of years.
Big Mouth Acquaintance
Some years ago, before I settled down to have my youngest child I worked in a pet supply store. This is where I met a woman whom I will call Donna. She adopted me as a sister, I am uncertain to this day as to why.
She was only in my daily life a few months, in that time I watched Donna with her son, and the men that she dated. I can remember going to visit with her on a regular basis because she could not stay alone once she was fired and I quit my job.
A few months of talking (mainly about her) and she moved away. She would call and the trend continued. Donna was unaware she was self absorbed, I was unaware at the time that she lacked the sense of a brick.
My move to Arkansas involved Donna. When I got here thinking I was having a second fresh start where no one knew me or anything about me, I was unpleasantly surprised.
It turns out that not only had Donna been telling my story, she had lacked facts and filled in the blanks with her imagination. It got to where I could tell when her Crone's Disease was going to flare up; the flare ups typically came when she was expected to do something that did not revolve around her.
We no longer speak.
Among the first people I met here was a woman who I will call Nikki. She was doing her part to appear a giving, caring woman who was doing what she could to help others while suffering in silence. (That is if you don't count the whining about not having help.)
I had no reason to believe that she was anything other than what she appeared to be. It was only after I began to spend time around her and her family did I realize just how much she lied, and that she took as much as she could get away with. The reason behind her cooking and feeding the residents of my complex was to make them feel they owed her a debt.
When I first met Nikki she claimed that her husband refused to feed her or help in anyway while she did everything. It was only with the small earning from caring for her handicapped son, aid from her daughter and even from her son that she managed to survive. A year later her story had changed drastically telling people her husband spoiled her.
The Time Between
Nikki would begin using my credit standing to purchase things she wanted, at first she paid for them. Then she began working things off, or attempting to make it appear that way.
When I sold my vehicle I started relying on her to get me places. I would pay her for gas or purchase something for her in the store. The giving soul would expect $20 worth of merchandise be purchased on her behalf in exchange for a trip that only covered a mile round trip at the most.
Eventually circumstances graciously removed this woman from my life. They also removed the rest of her family which was just as bad as she was. This grown woman lives off of her children, using guilt to get them to do without so that she has a little bit more.
My child will not do without for her.
It has become obvious to me that I live among gossips, and the main gossip is named Nikki. Nikki does not live here, her son does; she does the cleaning for the complex so that his rent is reduced. When she needs money her children nor her paycheck can provide she paints empty apartments.
I now keep my distance from Nikki, her family and my neighbors. Nikki is the start and end of the rumor mill; it is best to steer clear after all she will make things up in her mind without my being there.
I examine the relationships that I have here rather closely. There are few here who I would consider trustworthy, fewer still who I would actually spend time speaking with. I do not speak the language, and I do not care to learn.
My daughter and I have had enough drama to last a lifetime.