Can A Christian And Atheist Be Happy Together?

Bkono By Bkono, 21st Jun 2015 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Interfaith Relationships - What is important in making them successful

Identifying Where You Stand

If you are lucky enough to have found someone that you believe is your life partner, but are caught wondering whether or not you have a future due to your religious beliefs, then the first step is identifying what is most important for you.

There are many different types of Christians in the world. I'm not just talking about denominations, as even those can have different beliefs and perspectives within them. Some believe that when they die they will go to heaven by following the will of God and devoting their life to him. They would expect this of their partner in order to reunite in the Kingdom of Heaven.

If you fall into this category, then I am afraid you will have one heck of a time trying to make a relationship work with an atheist. Perhaps you are hoping that they will convert over time and begin to see the truth that you do by watching your example. This is tricky, as atheism in itself is a belief. It is a belief that there is no God. It is by definition the exact opposite of what you are. This is not to say it is impossible to convert someone, I know plenty of relationships where a Christian has converted to the Muslim faith for their spouse, and vice versa, but even then you are starting from a place where both believe in a higher power. Truly believing in something means that you have come to a somewhat definitive conclusion in your mind about how things are, so moving from that belief is very difficult. Once again, not impossible, but difficult. If you instead find yourself with someone that is more on the agnostic side, where they don't believe one way or another that there is a God, then you have a little more ground to stand on. Technically agnosticism is a synonym to atheism, but different people have different perspectives on that front.

If you are the type of Christian that believes all good people go to heaven, not just those that acknowledge God, then you have a much stronger chance of sticking to a relationship with an atheist. There are quite a few things that are important to iron out early on however, as there is no guarantee you will work as a couple on these grounds alone (obviously there is no guarantee to anything).

Is it important to you that you attend church every Sunday, or at least on a semi often basis, and how would you feel about your spouse not being there with you? Would you feel a longing during worship that you couldn't share this with them? Would they be willing to attend during religious holidays such as Christmas or Easter? How would you feel about them swearing it off completely? Do you genuinely feel there would be any leniency or persuasion there (asking honestly)?

If you are finding yourself answering these questions even a bit in the negative, then it would be good to evaluate the situation with your partner. Ultimately you know what is important to you in this regard, and if you have your hopes up that one day your partner will change their mind, you are potentially setting yourself up for failure. The last thing you want to do is find yourself 10 years into a marriage, only to realize that these things really were important to you and at the time you shuffled it off as no big deal.

There are plenty of Christians that choose not to attend church, so questions like these aren't as important in their relationship. After all, if you choose not to go to church, then why would it matter if they do. However, this does not get you out of the woods either.

Do you plan on having children with this person? How important is it to you that they be raised in your faith, and how important is it to your spouse that it go the opposite direction? If you are unable to find middle ground, how do you feel about not having children at all to avoid the dilemma?

Are you comfortable with your family's disapproval (if there is any)? A good number of Christians are raised in a Christian household, so what does that mean when you introduce an atheist into the mix? Not all family members may approve of the union and many can be quite outspoken on the topic. Is this something you can handle? Is this something your spouse can handle?

Now, turning to the non-believer's perspective. Believe it or not (no pun intended), but there are quite a few things to think about on this side as well.

For instance, how do you feel about your spouse being outspoken when it comes to God? Many Christians believe in spreading the word of God, going on missions, etc. Are you comfortable with this? If they asked you to come with them on a mission just to be an extra set of hands, would you be willing to go? How about if your spouse held church events at your house and members would come up to you and try to teach you the word of God?

Knowing your spouse's faith is important to them is vital in your relationship working out. Mocking it or trying to change it is just as difficult as them trying to change you.

Ultimately, only you can determine whether or not your beliefs will jive in the long run with your significant other. Marriage is a true commitment and it takes an amazing amount sometimes to make them not only work, but thrive. In order to move forward, it is almost as if you need to take religion completely out of the equation. If you are not comfortable with something and currently can't come to a middle ground, then all you have left is hope that it'll work out. For some, hope is just not enough.


Athiest, Christian, Christianity, Faith, Family, Happiness, Marriage

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author avatar Bkono
Knocking out life one article at a time

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author avatar brendamarie
21st Jun 2015 (#)

I think anything is possible if two people fully understand and respect one another. Great article.

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author avatar Peter B. Giblett
21st Jun 2015 (#)

beliefs such as faith, religion etc should be purely personal. There is no reason why an atheist and a religious person cannot become lovers and marry, they must though agree to respect each others beliefs and know where the boundaries are. I have discussed the issue of morals before and suggested about 40 commandments that an atheist would follow and as far as I know many religious people also follow those ideas as well.

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author avatar mardy
22nd Jun 2015 (#)

yes, there no impossible when it was destined by God

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