Breaking Up: The Time It Takes to Get Over It

ScottHallock By ScottHallock, 17th Aug 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Breaking up or being dumped by someone you love is hard and for some, it can seem impossible to get over. How long does the heartache last? When will I be over it and back on my feet?

Breaking Up: The Time It Takes to Get Over It

I knew one day that I could finally write this article. Up until just recently, my heart was so broken it was hard for me to think straight. I was devastated over my wife leaving me and there was a time that I actually asked God to give me just one reason to live. It's funny when we are hurting so badly that we resort to asking God that question.

My story is your story

We have all had similar heart breaking break-ups happen in our lives and so we all can understand and relate. I am no different; it happened to me and now I have gained valuable experience I would not trade for anything.

I accept the choices I have made as my own and blame no one but myself. I now want to share what I have learned from going through this experience:

A few years ago when the economy took a turn for the worst, I along with so many others, fell with it. I lost my homes, my investments, my business, millions of dollars and was bankrupt. I can honestly say none of that mattered, because I was married to the love of my life, my friend and my confidant.

After I broke the news to my wife of our fall, she came to me on Christmas day and told me, things would be all right, we could start over and rebuild. I was a beaten man. All my hard work to provide a good home, have nice things and everything for my family was gone. I needed to hear those loving words and feel her support. Two days later, she changed her mind and for some unknown reason she told me, she did not want to be married any more.

I will never forget that day how cruel and cold hearted she was. I can only imagine that it must have been very difficult for her to come and tell me the true feelings of her heart because she, above anyone, knew how it would hurt me. A few days later on January 1, 2009, I walked away leaving every worldly possession behind, and I have not been back sense.

I will confess, that I respect her for being so brutally honest with me and with all my heart only wish her happiness, love and a great life.

As I look back, it seems I went through various stages of emotions and it took a certain amount of time to get over them and back to normal.

The different stages

When a person goes through a breakup, they will go through a variety of emotions in stages such as; denial or refusing to accept it, heartache and pain, sadness and depression, anger and resentment. Sometime latter you begin to accept what has happened, because it does not hurt as much, so you will begin to have hope and even start to look forward to a brighter future.

Then one day you emerge out of your shell an entirely different person, cleansed and purified as if you have been through the refiners fire, you are a new person who has now, "been there and done that".

How long does it take?

There are not any average times to get over breaking up because everyone copes differently. You just slowly realize one day that it does not hurt anymore because you have gotten involved in other things and life has taken you in a another direction.

If it is important to you to have a time limit, then you should know that there have been many surveys taken on this subject and generally speaking, it takes half the time that you were together to get over a breakup to get back to normal. In other words, if you were together 2 years it will take 1 year to get over breaking up.

I like the person who said that it usually takes him 30 minutes to an hour to get over a breakup; I only wish it could just be that easy and apparently, for some, it is.

You might not ever completely stop thinking about that person, and that is OK, but you will get over them, learn from the relationship and move on in life having a wonderful memory of someone who no longer is a part of your life.

Time does heal

Time is the healer of all things so take the time necessary to get through this. Keep yourself busy with lots of fun uplifting activities and be around good people who love and support you and before you know it, things will be better. Do not try to rush things or get into another relationship out of loneliness. This is your time, so use it to heal, reflect and rebuild yourself. Give yourself time, and put all your energy into you.

A warning

Holding onto a broken up relationship for long periods after it is over is damaging. Sometimes one or the other person simply will not let go and they hold onto their pain and use it to make the other person's life a living hell. That does nothing to win back love and only destroys. I say to that person, let it go. Be a real man or woman, except the fact there is no true love there any more, it wasn't meant to be so step away, and move on.


There are few things more painful in life than going through a breakup. How long it takes to get over it will truly depend on you. It may seem impossible right now, that you will ever be over it, but it is not the end of the world, you were single before, you found love then and you can find love again.

Just keep in mind that the relationship ended for a reason and that it is better you found out now rather than a few more years down the road wasting more years out of your life. Just take time for yourself, reconnect with family, friends, and loved ones. You will be surprised at how quickly you will recover.


Divorce, Getting Over A Breakup, Heartache, Love, Pain, Relationship Breakup, Relationships, Sadness

Meet the author

author avatar ScottHallock
I have been a Police Officer for over 28 years. I love writing articles on, "How Not to Become a Victim", Human Nature and Health / Fitness.

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author avatar Retired
18th Aug 2010 (#)

I know exactly what you are talking about as I am in a similar boat right now. The only difference is that I am a woman.
Sometimes its the male temperament which causes the break up to take place although they don't want it to happen.
In my case, I would love to continue with my relationship but it has become so toxic that we cannot sit in the same room with each other let alone talk.
All this took place because of the economic downturn and both of us going jobless at one point.
The greatest lesson that I learnt from it all is never give up hope, be positive and live is all about choices.
In this materialistic world we need to make a choice whether to choose love over money or vice versa and sadly 99.9% of humans choose the latter and that has caused a lot of heartbreaks.
Stay strong and you will recover but never forget. So plant the seed of forgiveness as you move along.

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author avatar ScottHallock
18th Aug 2010 (#)

thank you so very much for your wisdom and kind words. I wish you the very best as well.

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author avatar snooky
23rd Aug 2010 (#)

My best wishes to you. Sometimes breking up is the lesser pain. there is always the chance for reconsiliation. But when your loved one is taken away for ever and out of reach, the break up is permenant & everlasting. which is more devastating ??

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