Boyfriend Charged in Beating Death of New York College Student

The Destiny Doctor By The Destiny Doctor, 4th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Domestic Violence & Abuse

October is historically national Domestic Violence Awareness month. Generally, the topic of domestic violence is talked about extensively during that 31 day period and then the conversations taper off. However, this life destroying issue must continue to be a topic of discussion every month in order to stop these senseless tragedies from occurring. This article focuses on the trauma of domestic violence on college campuses and in teen dating situations.


The headline above was one of the headlines for ABC News in September of 2012. Dating Violence is on an alarming rise on college campuses…It’s time to do something!

Domestic Violence Awareness

October is historically national Domestic Violence Awareness month. Generally, the topic of domestic violence is talked about extensively during that 31 day period and then the conversations tapers off. However, this life destroying issue must continue to be a topic of discussion every week of every month in order to keep this tragedy at the forefront of our thoughts.

Most of the programs and presentations related to domestic violence deals with domestic violence in the home, which is a very worthwhile focus because the problem is so prevalent in American homes. However, very few discussions have historically dealt with dating violence and its long term ramifications, especially on the mind, spirit, and lives of young women across this country.

Deadly Ramifications

In the story referenced above several lives are destroyed. The young lady, a college student with so much ahead of her, made a poor choice in a dating partner, and is dead. The boyfriend, driven by his own demons, will likely be incarcerated, and only God knows what he will endure in such an environment. The families of both these young people must now mourn in different ways. And friends who may have known or had their suspicions of what went on behind closed doors will endure and suffer guilt and ‘what ifs’.

The most recent statistics of college dating violence are alarming. More than 24% of college freshmen and sophomores (1 out of 4) reported extremely violent dating encounters to include rape or the use of weapons against them. As many as 57% of women who report having been in an abusive dating relationship indicated it occurred in college. Equally alarming is that most college students report they would not know how to get help if they became a victim or how to help if they knew someone was being victimized. It’s time to bring awareness and intervention to stop this cycle of degradation and despair.

The Signs Are Not Silent

We need to promote greater awareness of this critical issue. Although many will not acknowledge it until it is put in their face, there are so many red flags that victims choose to ignore. As a overcoming survivor and spiritual coach, I created a program for domestic violence survivors, The EmPowered Voice: From Victim to Victor in Domestic Violence. During course, I present a list of almost 30 Red Flags that are almost always present as a precursor to full scale violence. The first time I facilitated the 12-part series for a local survivor’s group, every woman who participated in the classes acknowledged with tears in her eyes that she was able to check off almost every item on the list. Much of what they saw as caring, loving, and mild jealousy was in actuality control and manipulation with a slow escalation of degradation.

We must help our sisters and brothers (and yes, men have been reported victims as well) understand that love really should not hurt you physically, emotionally, verbally, or spiritually. If you have someone in your life making living miserable, it is time to take out your sharpened shears and clip clip (clip them out of your life). I have been verbally abused, drug through glass, knife held to my throat, gone to work with a black eye, and made to feel as if I were worthless. I realized that I allowed myself to be in that position because of my own lack of self esteem and not fully understanding what God meant about till death do us part. I promise you…He did not mean until the man or woman you love takes you out.

With this problem escalating at the teen and college levels, we must be aggressive in getting the word out, letting our young people know the signs, helping them to understand what toxic relationships look like, and encourage them to get help. Unfortunately, this problem is cyclical. Studies support that young people who are victimized have witnessed victimization in the home. Young people who are perpetrators have either been victims or have been conditioned by someone they admire that such treatment is acceptable. It’s time for the madness to cease.

Stop the MADNESS

It’s time to stop the madness. If you know of anyone in a dating violence or domestic violence situation and don’t know what to do, call an authority figure and ask for help on their behalf. If you are in this situation, reach out…there is someone who can help you get out. Don’t keep silent. Get help now! The greatest friend of this silent killer is your silence in the situation.

You have a voice. Situations of dating or domestic violence is not the time to lose your voice. If you don’t think you can do it alone, reach out to someone who can help you get out. Don’t let your exit strategy involve a stretcher, ambulance, or morgue. You are too valuable. You have too much to offer to endure abuse in any form.

If you are an organization, seeking to help in this epidemic, The Destiny Doctor can bring awareness training to your organization. “Valuing Me” is a customized program of awareness and prevention focused on this epidemic on college campuses and in teen dating situations. For more information or to schedule a presentation, contact The Destiny Doctor today.

Let’s take action to not only bring awareness, but enhance efforts for prevention, especially for our young people with so much living to do. Not another person should suffer or die in the name of ungodly love!


Abuse In Teenagers, College Life, Dating Violence, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Teen Dating, Toxic Relationships, Unhealthy Relationship

Meet the author

author avatar The Destiny Doctor
Brenetia is a HR/training professional and empowerment strategist. Her mission is to help people live purpose driven lives with areas of expertise in leadership, authenticity, and emotional healing.

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author avatar jotomy
4th May 2013 (#)

my god, what is happening.

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