Biblical Love Psychology III: The stage after the Attraction

Funom Makama By Funom Makama, 18th Feb 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

From previous series we have learnt what the stages and categories of Love are. Now after the attraction what next? What do you think? If you have been following this series and understanding it, subsequent ones would be easily comprehensible. Let's find out what next after the attraction.

Introduction!

Earlier on, we said Love has two stages: The attraction and then Love itself. Now that we know what the attraction is about, we move on to the next stage which is Love. As earlier defined, it is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. It is a virtue representing all Human Kindness, compassion and affection. And we also discussed the Agape Love to be the only category of Love without an attraction, so if you want to go back and digest the previous series (for those who happen to read this first), just click on the links below:
1. Biblical Love psychology I
2. Biblical Love Psychology II

Features of Love!

1. As already stated, there must be an attraction before Love occurs (except in Agape). There is no way, you will see someone and love them instantly, it does not work that way. Love at first sight is false and in subsequent points, we will know why this is true.

2. We said the attraction is a mere feeling, superficial and acting on the Hormones. But Love is far beyond that. Love is a personality, bonding the souls involved and making them uniquely similar (Or One in the case of marriage). Let's try out a passage and trust me!~~ this one is most interesting and explicit even to the non-christians
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
"

Wow!~~~ What can we say about this? Is there any Human on Earth who has all these qualities? Even if there is, no one and I mean no one fits the last quality "Love never fails" So what can we deduce from this? Love is deeper than some mere feelings which act on our hormones. Can we speak of hunger like this? What about positive feelings such as happiness, optimism etc. We can now see that Love is an affection personified.
If we begin to ask our ladies the kind of Man they want, they will list all kinds of attributes, some will even go as far as listing attributes which only exist in the cartoon. But Trust me!~~~ If there is a Man who can have all these attributes, then that Man is perfect.
Now, what that passage is trying to say is this: If two people are in love, they try to be patient with each other, kind to each other not envious of each other, not boastful to each other, not self-seeking but look out for each other, not easily angered on each other, not keeping records of each other's wrong, always protect each other, always persevere for one another and do everything possible not to fail each other in whatsoever circumstance. This is LOVE! and it does not take just a sight or an hour or a day or a month to be achieved. We are humans and hence cannot be perfect, but Love has set the yardstick for us and when in Love we should do everything as much as possible to achieve these qualities.

More features

3. Love is perfect: From Point 2, we have seen the attributes attached to love and this makes Love perfect. Love itself is True, there is nothing like true Love, are we trying to say there is a fake Love? Anything which is not Love is not Love. Just like saying above 5, or true 5-It doesn't make sense at all. Let's take another Bible passage:
1 John 4:16:
"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

For those of us who believe in God, you will agree with me that the highest personality you can ever think of is God. He is almighty, He is everything, the beginning and the end and yet in this passage, God (the highest personality ever) is attributed to Love. Putting that statement in mathematical terms is like saying God = Love, do you know what this means? It means Love is pure, it is blameless and also the greatest of all phenomenons (almighty). If we reason the last statement very well, we will discover it is true.

So, why do some victims of bad relationships blame their predicaments on Love? A girl who is heart broken will declare never to love again, this is ridiculous and all she is doing is depriving herself from the goodness and wonders of Love. If we understand what Love is, we will never blame our negative circumstances on love but rather on the human deed or endeavour. If your boyfriend cheated on you, do not say it is because you loved him too much, blame your boyfriend for been unfaithful. If your Wife discusses her secrets with another person (be it Man or Woman) instead of you, find a way to resolve the problem and do not blame it on Love. Love itself is pure and if there is any problem in our Love-relationships, then it is ourselves we need to check and not Love itself.

4. Since We said God is Love and God is a being yet to be adequately comprehensible to man, Love is likewise the same thing. There are millions of books written about Love, yet people crumbled in Love relationships, break ups in relationships are rampant and Divorce in marriages increase by the day. But the good thing is, we can enjoy in its experience, just as We Christians enjoy in the experience of Christ. So, Love cannot be totally comprehensible, quantifiable, qualified and/or explained, but it can be fully experienced or expressed. If I am in a system for years and a newbie shows up, I can put my experiences in details into writing or some basic explanations and if followed properly, the newbie will do great. But love is not like that, why? (remember point 2, it is personified).

Songs of Solomon 8:6-7
"Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
itd would be utterly scorned
."

The passage has explained it all.

Products of Love

5. We have seen earlier that the product of attraction is usually the physical manifestation shown or expressed in terms of hugs, smiles, kisses and even sex/romance. But that of Love is a soul to soul connection. The closer the two souls are, the more Love is established. This leads us to next point

6. Love is a never ending process hence we need to work continuously to make it well established. We can combine Point No.2 and Point No. 5 to make this Point valid. All those attributes in point 2 are what the individuals involved need to work on in other to establish a strong Soul-to-soul connection in Point 5. And you will not say you love someone and then you sit down in the Sofa. Love is more of an action and there are things you do which makes you love someone, the more you do them, the more you establish Love. Let's check out these passages:
John 3:16:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

God Loved the world, but He did not stop there, He took another step to "GIVE" His Son. Now, we also have a part to play in other to make this Love work, which is "TO BELIEVE".

1 Peter 2:2:
"Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation,"

So earning the salvation is not enough, but growing in it. This is totally applicable in Love. We need to work and act for it to grow.

7. From the previous Point, we can say that Love can wax cold. If you do not work well enough for it to be established, then there would be a big problem. Matthew 24:12: "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold" What is it like to work for Love? Is this going to be an everlasting journey? We will find out in subsequent series.

8. The final point here is: Women easily fall into it than men. While Men are believed to exhibit attraction the most and most a times stay in the attraction phase for a long time, women easily slip down into the Love phase. What do you think about this point? some studies show that women are easily emotional hence can fall into Love so easily when compared to a Man. In our next series, we will see the need for women to be more careful when trying to know the Man they want to be in a relationship with.

If you have been following this series and have reached this stage with full understanding, the next step would be about comparing the attraction (first stage) and the Love itself (second stage) and see how the comparison can help us better our relationships and marriages, so do not miss out, just go to part IV and continue.

If you want to write like me and earn even more than I do, just accept my Love by registering here.

Tags

Affection, Agape, Almighty, Angry, Boastful, Compassion, Divorce, Envy, God, Human Kindness, Kind, Marriage, Patient, Perseverance, Personality, Pride, Relationship, Rudeness, Self Seeking, Wax Cold

Meet the author

author avatar Funom Makama
A medical Practitioner and a passionate writer. A proud published Author of 2 books, more than 2,000 articles online and 500 Poems!
funommakama.org
drfunommakama.com

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Comments

author avatar ittech
19th Feb 2012 (#)

interesting

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Now with regard to Sex, it was part of the Forbidden Fruit, ironically the Apple. Adam and Eve were specifically told not to eat the fruit till the woman was tempted by the serpent. Its the woman who gives the permission for the man to do what he has to do in his life and if the woman is decent and good, she will never ever give the permission to share her man unless he is seen unhappy in her life and presence. That is when she lets go and breaks down beyond repair wherein she never ever comes back to being who she used to be and lets the experience that brought her there rule over her for the rest of her life, wherein it is a learning that taught her fast life, hassles around bring untold miseries and she has to go at it alone. Without a male by her side.
She may love a child unconditionally and take care of others children the same way and bring forth the beauty of life to them and even get killed for being different but the fact remains that she is first a woman who can feel and give birth and give the permission for the life that we see around.

If Jesus was a woman in this life and she told the men around that she is not interested in sex and all she wants is a friend would the males around her accept her that way??? Don't think so, they will look at her body and then ask you have a great body, why not come with me for a night. Who taught them that, its their own mothers who gave permission for behaving that way and showing their sons that is how life is led and it keeps going forward that way as that is the circle which has no beginning or end. How do we stop it by doing the opposite of what we see in the world around us and yes she will get hurt, may even lose her life and even get the pain, hate, spells etc. that are uncalled and unwarranted for just because she chose to be different.
So what does she do, choose to hide her gifts, talents, all that she is just to live a normal life that would help her gain acceptance in the world that is around and then come back to lead a life that she was always meant to be and then get abused, tormented, hated reviled etc. just because she is a woman.

Fact is that God can be male or female, we give them them the gender the actions and reactions we show are just similar to what we would show to god and that is what I firmly believe in. Its not religion that makes a person but the actions and reactions that you share to the world around you.

Jesus was crucified for being different, Michael Jackson was hurt abused and defiled for loving kids just like Jesus, I was kicked out for being too demanding for security changes that would have helped benefit all of your works from being copied and plagarised.
None of you knew why I disappeared from here but this is the reason, because I created a riot with over 2000-3000 views a day and had people hacking my account and taking my articles and even annexing them to their own accounts and that is what caused me to create things that would help the world as a whole but at the cost of my own articles and my best friends.
Even got branded Osama Bin Laden by my own company for taking printscreens to send an email.

So yes, in modern day love and doing what Jesus did you end up going through all sorts of things wherein you get branded being the worst possible human being on the planet and make world headlines for it...

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author avatar Funom Makama
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Now I understand the kind of Heart which brings forth all these comments. One question I want to ask you Aiyanna is: Are you now angry for what you have passed through? Jesus himself was persecuted and mocked and rejected by the People He came to save.

I am not digging at you if I say you need to love again, you are doing exactly what I have cautioned in this article. Blame it on the human endeavour and not love itself~~ Because, believe it or not, it is pure, wonderful, blameless and complete. If you have any problems with Jesus, let me know if I can give you answers, but unlike your previous comment (which I did not hesitate to delete), Jesus is not what you claim He is. Calm down Aiyanna, Jesus is not your enemy, but Men around you, which in Matthew he said it vividly, that in the later days, the Love of many will Wax cold. Please, go back to the first series and answer some specific questions I asked you there. Where on Earth did you read that He disguised himself to be nailed on the cross and ran to Pakistan? I am not very careful with your comments or else, you will use my articles to mislead so many...

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Free sex is not modern day love, just sharing the love through the pen that writes not oozes liquid, gets you into enough of trouble just because of all the hassles it causes.

I wrote of love, for love and by love and got my fame all around the world for it....

I will be unveiling what I have designed for the people like you shortly and all in the name of the man I love the most in the planet, Michael Jackson and my little boy Aditya who means the Sun...

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author avatar Funom Makama
19th Feb 2012 (#)

LOL!~~~ FOr people like me? I still have Part IV and part V, so keep on reading Aiyanna, maybe people like you will re-think, after the grande finale of this series in Part V

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author avatar Funom Makama
19th Feb 2012 (#)

@ Lady AIyanna, I still did not understand what you have read from this Love series I am writing which is aggravating such emotions from you. Read this particular piece and tell me what is wrong here (even if you do not know the Bible or you are not a christian)..

This particular verse is applicable to you: Matthew 24:12: "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold"

So, if you suffer this from your Loved once does not Mean God through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ hates you.. Your comments really marveled me. But like I said, I will always scrutinize them and the ones which are less damaging can be left. Once again, I suggest you use not my articles to blaspheme against God or say things about Christianity you do not even know. I think it is ridiculous. This is a direct attack on what I believe in and I guess, I cannot go to an Islamic article to say some things which are false in regards to their beliefs. Asking questions on sensitive issues is totally different come making direct statements or proclamation.. Once again Aiyanna, come out straight and ask any questions you want to ask, I will do my best possible to answer. But your numerous comments really leave me confused.

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
19th Feb 2012 (#)

I am not angry with the meaning of love but just the materialism portrayed in the concept that sells love.

I am only trying to make a point that if Jesus were to do the same thing in this day and age he would be persecuted by the whole world because of their fickle thinking.

Love is not religious it is universal and all religions speak of them and the thing that causes problem with love is the fact that 99.9% abuse the privileges of love using other means.

True love never grows cold Funam it is the attitude towards that behaviour of that particular person that grows cold and worse still, it influences the belief they have in the emotion around them thereby giving rise to a totally different outlook that many and I mean many don't seem to understand.

What one reads can be totally different from what is perceived by the writer. I have written my perception of what I understood and what I have personally going through.

I love God but I pointing out discrepancies within the Bible wherein sex was kept as a taboo in the time of Adam and Eve and became an acceptable act after touching the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden.

That part that came through rather strong is this:

So, why do some victims of bad relationships blame their predicaments on Love? A girl who is heart broken will declare never to love again, this is ridiculous and all she is doing is depriving herself from the goodness and wonders of Love. If we understand what Love is, we will never blame our negative circumstances on love but rather on the human deed or endeavour. If your boyfriend cheated on you, do not say it is because you loved him too much, blame your boyfriend for been unfaithful. If your Wife discusses her secrets with another person (be it Man or Woman) instead of you, find a way to resolve the problem and do not blame it on Love. Love itself is pure and if there is any problem in our Love-relationships, then it is ourselves we need to check and not Love itself.

Its a cut and paste from your article.

Only asked you to understand the audience rather than kicking personal attitudes and beliefs. Not all of them are freespirited with a thinking that one love failed yea, its fine, find the next and move on. Many choose to remain where they are and seal it within that capsule of time to live with those memories forever and that is what I have personally done.

All religions for me are the same and offer the same outlook in life of Do good, be good and receive good.

Have you read the Quran, before condemning the religion??? I would recommend that you never abuse someone else's religion for your lack of understanding of the same.

I was born Christian, raised as one but also spent time in Muslim households and learnt their Quran and yes was married to a Hindu so know the Bhagwad Gita. I don't hold religion as my staff but use their principles and teachings to get through life.

Broaden your thinking.

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author avatar Funom Makama
19th Feb 2012 (#)

"Have you read the Quran, before condemning the religion??? I would recommend that you never abuse someone else's religion for your lack of understanding of the same.

I was born Christian, raised as one but also spent time in Muslim households and learnt their Quran and yes was married to a Hindu so know the Bhagwad Gita. I don't hold religion as my staff but use their principles and teachings to get through life.

Broaden your thinking."

Aiyanna, I will still say and I repeat that you are really clouded by your emotions and whatever might have happened to you. I never condemned any religion here.... I just decided to use my own beliefs to expantiate on Love itself. Show me where I condemned any religion or stated Love from my religion as been the best, or me stating the Biblical Love psychology which I preach here is the best... Please tell me!

Take your time and go through all the 5 series of this interesting topic and tell me what is wrong with it. Yes, someone might decide to live with their painful history and I am not saying anyone should just get up and move on after a hurt (anyway, that is how you read it, but I am pretty sure my English is very clear here)... But all I am saying is for them to see the light that it is not love that is the problem but the Human endeavour and this was boldly stated in what you copied and pasted on your comment.

For crying out loud, where in the Bible did God condemn sex until Man ate the forbidden fruit? Who gave you that perception? From which Bible did you read that? Please, can you kindly give me some quotations to go and ponder on? (after all, I gave quotations in these series). for the fact the Bible never mentions of sex before the fall of man does not mean God condemned if, after all, the first ever commandment, God gave to ma was to be fruitful and Multiply in Genesis 1:28... This proclamation took place before the fall of man... So please tell me Aiyanna, how would man multiply? By IVF? Or by prayers? Come on Aiyanna, you are the one condemning my beliefs here and you so attack me as if I have done some wrong doing. Like I have said, I am open for any questions or debate, but a direct attack from unbiblical sources about the biblical doctrines is quite overwhelming.. What you are doing is taking political principles to argue Biological facts... These two are world's apart. You are yet to answer my question on Jesus christ desguising himself to be nailed on the cross and then going to Pakistan to Marry Mary.... Pls Aiyanna, ONCE AGAIN, IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS ASK ME BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOT THE BIBLICAL TEACHINGS (as I have observed) AND I BEG OR DISCOURAGE YOU TO DESIST FROM PROCLAIMING WHAT IS NOT IN THE WORD AND STATE IT CLEARLY HERE. Read the word and see it for yourself and if you think something is not clear, come out here and share it or ask, rather than stating falacy as facts..

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author avatar Lady Aiyanna
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Don't wear blinkers with one point of view and think of the above in the context of modern day and age, he lived the life as human and there are so many around who live similar lives and get kicked for it.... I wrote of what he would have faced in today's day and age...

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author avatar Funom Makama
19th Feb 2012 (#)

Hmmmmm!~~~ I am wearing blinkers? That;s funny.... As for you, I think you are totally blind. And you think Jesus Christ did not know the world of today would be cruel? Take a look at this verse from Jesus Himself:
In Matthew 24:10-14 "At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. 14And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come." So yes, if it was to be today, he would still be hated (as He was hated even in His days)... But that should not stop us from showing the Agape Love. So are you saying if it were to be today, Jesus will not Love because of the hatred of the world? Are you saying it was much more easier then? Is it what you are saying? Do you know that Jesus was hated even by His own? Do you know that the Pharisees, especially and teachers of the law sorted to kill him on several occasions?

Lady Aiyanna. I am totally open to other beliefs and traditions, most of my friends here in Ukraine are Indians and I attend lots of the Hindi cultural events... But the problem I think is you. I am here to showcase my beliefs and all you do is counteract. Now the case is, if you did not know my beliefs and want to learn or try to ask questions, then it is a different ball game. But a situation where you act as though you claim to know and yet speak out falacy about me belief then it is outrageous? You have been consistent in your comments to say totally non existent events in the Bible. You have time and time again stated false doctrines and unbelievable happenings the Bible never recorded. And this leaves me confused to what exactly is your game plan...

Finally, I am not here to tell the world that my Biblical psychology is the best (Please read all the series and show me where I wrote that or hinted that.). I am here to show the world what actually I belief in and how I think would be beneficial if applicable in their lives. So, if you do not have questions to ask, or any contributions, please do not argue on something you completely do not know. It is one thing growing or been born in a christian family and it is totally and completely another issue been a christian. I have christian friends who know nothing about the Bible, but they claim christianity. So pls do not tell me that.... From my observation you know nothing about christianity, and if you want to be objective, then either you be a christian or at least read the Bible properly. Once again, if you have nothing objective (as per questions to ask) please, do not write anymore comments here.

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author avatar Buzz
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Wow, congrats on the series, a brilliant trilogy. Thumbs up, my friend!

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author avatar Funom Makama
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Thank u so much Buzz!

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author avatar Lambasted
20th Feb 2012 (#)

So true!~~~ I love the protection that Monkey is giving to its young from the Dog.

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author avatar pretty_writer
20th Feb 2012 (#)

Yeah, what a complete package is this.

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author avatar Funom Makama
20th Feb 2012 (#)

thanks gals.

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author avatar Sheila Newton
21st Feb 2012 (#)

Absolutely stunning. This is work of a master. I just love your 'soul' pic with the girl and the man laughing. It played the strrings of my heart.

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author avatar Funom Makama
21st Feb 2012 (#)

Thanks a lot Sheila, ur encouragement is really needed... Thanks once again.

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author avatar Jules Castillo
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

nice incorporation of opinion and biblical passages...wonder what's on the 4th sequel

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author avatar Funom Makama
23rd Feb 2012 (#)

just read on!~~ Your curiosity would be satisfied.

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author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
25th Feb 2012 (#)

You open the door to a truth which I have never been able to realize before. This series is a revelation to me. I have long questioned "love". a

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author avatar Funom Makama
25th Feb 2012 (#)

thanks a lot Ivy... Your words are really encouraging. Feel free to ask any Questions, I will do my best possible under the revelation of the Holy Ghost to answer... Enjoy the Biblical Love psychology series... There are still more ahead, so read on!

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author avatar Barine Nakwaasah
2nd Mar 2012 (#)

You are so good. Keep this up!

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author avatar Funom Makama
2nd Mar 2012 (#)

thanks and welcome to wikinut.

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