Because he said he loved me

SandraleeStarred Page By Sandralee, 19th Aug 2012 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Domestic Violence is more than just a family problem, it is an issue that involves society as a whole.

I love you...

It is not clear cut what drives men to batter. However it is a relatively common practice for men to batter. This may seem a bit broad minded not intending on a pun here.
There have been numerous studies of men who batter and the commonalities are staggering.
Time goes into the deepness of the reality. When men choose to batter leaving the victim helpless and emotionally scarred the facts are there.
Ask any woman in her relationship if she deserves to be abused, what has she done for him to beat her.
The answers may surprise you.
I stayed because I felt like I had to try better, look better,not dress up, look down, no eye contact. Be a better cook, mother and lover.
You may try judging a woman that stays in an abusive relationship , you may also blame her for staying.
Until you are in that situation statistics are just numbers on paper.
The facts speak for them selves.
Television shows depict a scenerio of abuse... The number of women that have come from different regions of the country will all have stories that mirror each other. Like a reflection of her own abuse.

Tempermental attitudes

Society cares nothing about statistics. There will always be some one out there to say, she deserved it.
That must be where the "Rule of thumb " is derived from.
When a man beats a woman he claims she is his property.
That he as king of his throne can and will keep her in line. The deaths related to men who batter is well above the normal death rate for women.
I could be cynical and arrogant defending my own honor, but that is neither here nor there for this article.
Men like the authority, the power and the privelage of that status.

Justification to abuse

Clearly the lines are drawn in the minds of an abuser. He feels he can and will control his mate, no matter what it takes.
I bet you never heard this before......(being cynical)
She should have listened and then she would never have been hit.
There are voices that speak loud but there are ones never heard.
They died!
I was driven to the point that even death seemed like a good idea.
Beaten so many times for what?
I know the mind wants to know and others want to know what did you do?

Women who stay

I was an unfortunate one that tried to stay, wanted to fix myself, do better.
I loved him and wanted my children to have their father.
I did not know anything about life, as being married for 16 years living in the abuse.
Mother told me "you made your bed -lay in it".
I had no marketable skills,so I thought.
No resume, no bachelors degree. I was a nothing, a nobody. No bank account, no drivers permit, nothing. Not even a high school diploma. The car was his too.
I lived 5000 miles from my parents and family.
Isolated, no county road no highway,not even a traffic light within walking distance.

Reasons he beat me

These may seem trivial but to him they were not.
1. No hot water. ( the hot water heater was broken)
2. The rice too much water
3. The towels not lined in the center
4. The children were crying
5. I was lazy ( spending the day doing laundry)
6. I am ugly and disgusting
7. He wanted to be single
8. I was too fat ( 6 months pregnant)
9. He was drunk and high on drugs
10. He was mad from work and took it out on me
The list could go on but there is no need to get into the dirtier reasons.
No i never fooled around, that would never have been a possibility.
He had numerous affairs. They knew how to please him knew he had needs.
Making excuses for the bruised face, burns,choke marks, broken jaws, the list makes me sick.
I lived it. I survived it. No matter what anyone can and will say women who get away from their abuser are really never free.
The memories are there the scar on my brow, burn marks on my arms, broken teeth, lines and wrinkles that show my pain.
No one can judge me I did that all by my self.

A new day

It is a new day, the sun is shining bright, the birds sond the traffic flows smoothly, i am alone. I fear a relationship. I fear being hit again.
I struggle to make ends meet without childsupport or help from the state, i alone provide.
I am not rich never will i have enough money to spare a few dollars for a trip somewhere.
But i am alive.

The odds,,,

The odds of being abused are a give and take the average woman being 1 of 15,000 each year killed by their partner. According to the U.S. Department of justice.
The F.B.I. states that 2 million men will beat their wife or girlfriend. Each year.
So 2/3 of the women beaten were beaten by someone they knew.


Domestic Abuse, Domestic Partnerships, Domestic Violence, Domestic Violence Must Stop

Meet the author

author avatar Sandralee
The love for my children drives me to leave a legacy of hope and faith, a desire to attain the highest goals and never limit their chances to learn and grow.

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author avatar David Reinstein,LCSW
19th Aug 2012 (#)

The reality of relationships has little to do with the 'reality' of statistics. No individual relationship ever reflects ANY statistic reality entirely... On the other hand, just like statistics, relationships can often be manipulated to arrive at a preconceived conclusion.

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author avatar Sandralee
19th Aug 2012 (#)

I will research your opinion and will edit my page regarding that research.

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author avatar Sandralee
19th Aug 2012 (#)

Thanks for your opinion

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author avatar Sandralee
20th Aug 2012 (#)

Thank you for the Star I sat here and cried as I wrote this so please forgive me for any typographical errors in the writing. it is from my heart. I do not judge one for comments but in reality violence is just that if you hit someone you are punished if you hit your partner most likely you will keep hitting until she has the courage to get the hell out and move on.

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author avatar Retired
9th Feb 2013 (#)

I was battered as a child by my father, sometimes for no reason at all, we all were as a family and just had to put up with it. My mother also was battered very badly, yet still loved him..and I ended up hating them both, how sad was that.

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