Babies Can Create Marital Problems

SuzAlicieStarred Page By SuzAlicie, 17th Sep 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Babies

When a baby is born there is joy and pleasure, once baby comes home there can be severe strain on a marriage relationship. It is important to know what to expect and how to work through it for the sake of your marriage.

Bringing Baby Home

You've had 9 months to prepare yourself for having a baby, what you don't realize is that if you haven't done it before you have no idea what to expect. All the baby proofing, and safety measures you've taken, all the books you've read and advice you've received will not begin to cover all the things you need to know to care for a baby.

You want to be the best parents you can, but suddenly there is a crying, needy being taking up your every waking minute and more often than not interfering in your non waking moments as well. Babies aren't convenient, nor are they easy, but just like with most things that require more effort they are completely worth the misery. As you adjust to no longer having your own schedule or your own time it is easy to let your relationship slide to the back burner.

Even if you planned your pregnancy and thought you were prepared to be parents it is difficult to even feel like a human for the first several months after you bring a new baby home, much less feel like spouses or friends with each other. You are both often moving about in a haze produced by lack of sleep and constantly being "on call" to tend to your baby's needs. Once you add in a job you may feel like you will never have a day off again.

Working around Sleep Deprivation

It is important to work together and take turns as much as possible with late night baby care. There is no need for both of you to awaken and tend to the baby each time it cries. This will allow each of you to have at least a few moments of quiet sleep.

Adapt your schedule to your baby. If you are at home with the baby and it takes a nap, take a nap too. Sure the housework needs done and there are dishes that have been in the sink for 3 days, but that is not nearly as important as catching up on your rest.

Give each other a time out. Many times Dad goes back to work right after the baby is born and Mom is at home taking care of the little darling all day. What Dad doesn't realize is that while he is also missing sleep and working, Mommy has it a bit harder.

She has to deal with her hormonal changes after being pregnant, she has to recover her energy, and heal from giving birth. She may feel like nothing more than a milk machine or diaper changer. It is important for Mommy to have a chance to recuperate.

A nice bubble bath, time to fix her hair or even put on clothes she hasn't been able to wear in months will give her a boost. So Dad's may have to go to work, but that is their away from baby time, Mommy won't have that unless Dad or some loving family members make it possible.

What About Sex?

Dad may be feeling a bit randy when he's awake, but Mom is probably considering never having sex again. She is tired, she is miserable, she feels fat, she worries that if lovemaking does occur the baby will cry in the middle of it. She just doesn't feel like sex is worth the effort. This can go on for several months as she deals with being a new mother, and adjusting her life and schedule to revolve around a tiny bundle of baby.

You may find that simply cuddling and having quiet time to nap together is infinitely more fulfilling that attempting to make love for a while. Understanding how each other feel is very important to not allowing this lack of physical intimacy to affect other aspects of the marriage.

Appreciate Each Other

One of the hardest things to do as a new parent is to appreciate how all the changes are affecting your spouse, not just yourself. Putting yourself in your spouse's shoes will help you see just how much of a change this new baby is in their life as well as your own.

Make the time to tell each other how much you appreciate all that they do. Whether you have to leave a note in his briefcase or a note in her bathrobe pocket, make sure that you practice little tasks that will keep you connected through this extremely disjointed time.

Make a Date

Most family members and friends will understand that while you love your baby the two of you need at least a few hours once in a while to be adults, to be alone. Take advantage of offers to babysit, and have a date with your spouse.

Even if you are too exhausted to go anywhere order a pizza and watch a movie at home. If one of you is snoring before the movie is over, all the better. You are recuperating and rejuvenating yourselves and your relationship to deal with another round of pure baby scheduling.

They Aren't Babies Forever

To help keep your sanity remember that they don't stay babies forever. Eventually you will be able to sleep through the night again. Eventually your baby will learn to talk instead of wailing when he need something, and eventually the baby will eat real food and need a bottle or breast feeding every few hours.

If your marriage relationship is strong enough to make it through those first terrible months you will find that you easily slip back into your sleep and lovemaking habits as if the pregnancy had never happened.

To learn more about all the different stages of marriage and relationships visit Marriage and More...

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Babies, Marriage, Marriage Problems, Marriage Relationship Problems, Married With Children, Relationship Issues, Relationships

Meet the author

author avatar SuzAlicie
I am a work from home mom who home schools two active boys while freelance writing and maintaining several blogs and websites.

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author avatar Melanie Bremner
18th Sep 2010 (#)

I like this article. It is so true how you can lose sight of your relationship with your husband when a baby comes into the home.

The tips you provide in this article will remind others that it is not hard to make your husband still feel loved, you only need a few minutes out of the day.

Good read. Thanks!

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author avatar Pinkchic18
29th Oct 2010 (#)

These are such wonderful tips, often times each spouse thinks they have it the hardest or that they're doing all they can. It's important to step back and really care for each other as much as you would care for the baby as well. Great article, and a wonderful message.

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author avatar frizzbnz
22nd May 2011 (#)

It's wonderful you have voiced what so many new parents over look or never think is going to be a problem -- I also like the words of wisdom on ways to deal with these feelings -- your article will be beneficial to many new parents.

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