Avoiding Divorce

Edith By Edith, 15th May 2013 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Divorce

Many people who get married do do not dream of divorce. Many would do anything to save their marriages. How can one save his or her marriage?

Avoiding Divorce

Mary was a young college girl who got pregnant from her boyfriend of two years who had just completed college but was unemployed. The couple found themselves in a dilemma not knowing whether to move in together or to wait until they are stable financially. This dilemma got even more complex as the girl's parents demanded that their daughter should be married and her college fees be paid by the boyfriend. Luckily the parents to the man were supportive and this helped them to settle. No sooner had they settled as husband and wife, when marital conflicts started arising. The first conflict arose because the man was not prepared to change his status. He still wanted to go out with his friends at night leaving the wife alone.Finances were also a big issue. The man complained that the lady was too demanding and wasteful. Pressure from the lady's family for her to leave the man because he was not financially stable was increasing. To add to the financial burden, the baby was born coming along with more financial demands and responsibilities. Stress levels were high leading to physical confrontation. All odds seemed to be against this marriage! Surprisingly the marriage was saved through a lot of work from both parties. As i talked to them, they gave me a few tips of what saved their marriage and a few lesson from the relationship which I hope to share.
1. One way to avoid divorce is to prepare for the marriage. When one gets into marriage without proper preparation, you may be caught up in other family responsibilities that you were not prepared for.
2. There is need to prepare for children. Children come with added responsibilities that can lead to stress and marital discord
3. Not to be selfish. Once people get married there is a lot of sharing and giving and taking. One needs to be prepared to leave some friends, behaviors, attitudes and way of doing thing and to accommodate the partner
4. People in marriage are still individuals. There is need to give each other some personal space and have proper boundaries. Boundaries make good neighbors
5. communication . communication means listening to your partner and understanding their fears and feeling
6. Striving for some individuality from the families. We are have our ways of doing things that we learn from our families of origin, but there is need to be careful about that in marriage
7. social support from the right people., family members and mentors
8. Taking care of financial, emotional and social needs
The couple acknowledged that to have a divorce when there is every reason to divorce require a lot of soul searching. It is also a lot of work: a price to pay for the marriage

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Divorces

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author avatar Edith
A counseling psychologist and an educationist . I am interested in writing on parenting and the youth

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author avatar Kingwell
26th May 2013 (#)

Good advice.

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