Attracting a Significant Other, the Cold Hard Facts

Mark Gordon Brown By Mark Gordon Brown, 11th Jun 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Are you sitting there waiting for somebody to save you from your dull and lonely life? Maybe it is time for you to stop waiting, look at yourself, and make the changes today. Nobody wants to save you, unless you save yourself first.

Get a Toothbrush Already

Would you want to date someone who walked around with garlic chives stuck in their teeth? No, you would not. No matter what anyone says, your personal appearance matters. People judge you on how you look physically, how you dress, and how you smell. So brush your freakin' teeth, use some mouthwash and clean up your look. If the way you dress or smell is unattractive, or offensive, to the person you are dating you are going to have problems. How you dress is a reflection of your inner feelings towards yourself. A person who dresses like a slob clearly does not have good self esteem.

Additionally you want to have a new look that you are comfortable with. You could go from having greasy stringy hair to having a complete makeover, but if it in a way that is uncomfortable to you or the person you are interested in, then it will not work. Make sure your makeover makes you happy first. Dress in a way that shows who you are, not in a way you think people want you to appear. If you are a rocker, then dress like a rocker, and not a business person. Remember one look will attract one type of person and that type is not right for you, if you are not dressing like yourself. Trying to make someone fall in love with you, when you are trying on the surface to be someone you are not inside, will eventually become a fatal exercise in futility. Give yourself a personal physical makeover that makes you feel good, thus starting a personal makeover inside.

The Old In and Out

Get your mind out of the gutter! The in and out I am referring to is that of interpersonal communication. One of the most important factors in attracting a mate is knowing when to share what is inside of you, and when to listen to what is inside of your potential mate. This can be a tricky situation at times and altogether too many people fail to really get all the subtle nuances of this area of human interaction.

Many people are especially clueless here when in the beginning stages of romantic relationships. Their prospective partner either considers them too open, too secretive, uncaring, or self absorbed. Let the other person talk about their dreams, desires, interests, and experiences and share yours without being overwhelming or dominating conversations. Try to avoid cutting the other person off in mid sentence out of excitement, or frustration and if you do apologize for it as soon as you realize you are doing it. Remember their name, and us it often.

Don't Cry Tears of a Clown or be the Clown

A couple of games people play in new relationships are, playing the sympathy card, or being overly goofy, all the time. People who play the sympathy card in relationships usually do not get too far in them. After all who wants a truckload of problems dumped on them in the initial stages of a romantic relationship. People of certain care giving professions can be susceptible to such games, but they are games spawned from fear of loss and should not be played.

On the other hand there are those who act the fool to attract others. These folks can never be serious for a minute and somehow believe that being on stage all of the time will make them more attractive to their intended. This works until the other person has a serious moment and needs the other to listen for awhile, being with them, instead of in the center ring. The whole clown act is another defense game that is also born out of fear of loss. When trying to attract a potential mate or in the opening stages of a relationship just be you.

Be the best you that you can be. Is is so hard to be yourself? You have been being you all your life. I can guarantee that if you play one of these roles to get with or stay with a lover that you will be miserable until you can be completely yourself around that person.

This is not to say you cannot show emotions of sadness, and cannot be silly and fun. It is important to have a good sense of humor and be real with your feelings. For a romantic relationship to prosper both partners need to be there for each other in sad times as well as silly ones. It needs to be real, not a ploy to dupe a partner.

Isn't it What's on the Inside that Matters?

Yes, what is inside of you is what matters the most. However, it is most likely not in the way you are thinking of the phrase “It's what's on the inside that matters”. If you are a person that mopes around about how great you are on the inside and no one sees what is on the inside in you, then you must be wrong. Think about it.

People ARE most definitely are seeing what is on the inside within you. They are seeing, or feeling, a person who is mopey about being alone. Would you want to be with a mopey person? I did not think so. If you have this type of attitude the only people you will attract are others who are in the same state and if you begin to come out of this depressed state because you find yourself in a “loving” relationship and the other does not, it can cause serious complication and maybe even a loss of the relationship

It is much better to work on personal happiness before you try to find happiness in a relationship. It has been said so many time that people need to learn to love themselves before they can love anyone else fully. The reason for this is because it is the most important part of love. If you don't truly love yourself it is hard if not impossible to love anything else or anyone else.


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Dating, Finding, How To Find, Meeting, Relationship, Romance, Self Improvement, Significant Other, Soul Mate

Meet the author

author avatar Mark Gordon Brown
Raised in Michigan, I have a son who recently joined the Military. I am living in Canada with my wife where we have a hobby farm.

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author avatar Bethany Dean
11th Jun 2010 (#)

This was really funny, and honest too ^_^

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