'Aloofness' Bad For Marriage and Christian Life

Zach3000Starred Page By Zach3000, 7th Nov 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Have you ever heard of the term being 'aloof' and why is it dangerous for the Christian to possess such a characteristic? This Wikinut article will go over the dangers of being disconnected to those who care about you.

Term 'Aloof' Defined

Merriam-Webster defines aloof as: "at a distance."

Thefreedictionary.com defines aloofness as: "distant physically or emotionally; reserved and remote."

One Harvard graduate composed a series of leadership video's and attempted to say that one characteristic of a few of our great Presidents, was the fact that they were aloof. He used George Washington as an example. He later said that there are many different characteristics that great leaders possess.

In the political world, aloofness and being private may serve you well because the other candidates cannot easily find your faults, but in the real world, being aloof will keep you from forming meaningful relationships with your significant other and friends.

Aloofness Bad For Marriage

Not too long ago, I heard a caller on the radio phone in and say that once she was married she found out that her husband was totally different than the man she courted.

This is because he hid from her secrets of other lovers, what his real desires were, and his secret sins.

When asked why, the most common response heard is: "...because if I told her, she wouldn't want to be with me."

Many people want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to continue on in their secret sins, yet have a normal life, and a loving spouse, and all the amenities of the "American Dream."

If you really want to live a life of joy, then you must first do a few things:

  1. First, confess your sins to God.
  2. Ask God for healing.
  3. Repent (turn away) from your secret sins. God will help you.
  4. Confess your secrets to the people you love.
  5. Ask for their forgiveness.
  6. Live an open life, not keeping secrets.

God Created Us To Fellowship & Two Common Excuses

While keeping to yourself may be appropriate in a few situations - such as when trying to survive in a hostile environment - a healthy life will not be one that is disconnected from other people.

God created us to be social with other humans. To share in life's joys and happiness with others, and to have meaningful relationships with other people.

If you are aloof, then you are emotionally disconnected from the world around you, not capable of experiencing the fullness of life that God intended for you.

In fact, the Bible says in Hebrews 10:24-25, "...let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."

This passage is highlighting why we were created - to stimulate one another to love and good deeds. This does not take place if we are aloof or if we choose not to participate altogether.

Two common excuses that many have for not going to church are:

  • "I don't believe in corporate worship."
  • "Churches are corrupt."

For the first excuse, refer back to the verses I shared in the Bible. God wants us to fellowship with other believers. You cannot truly experience the Christian life without connecting with other believers.

After all, having a right standing with God also involved having a right standing with others. If you read my article on the Ten Commandments (found here), you may notice that the first five of the Commandments are about loving God. The last five are about loving others. If you do not have a good relationship with others, then you are not truly worshiping God.

As for the second argument that all churches are corrupt, guess what? Are there corrupt corporations out there? Of course there are. Are there corrupt goverments in the world? Yes.

Now we know that not every church, corporation, and government is corrupt. But the few corrupt ones make a bad name for the rest. Logically speaking, we know that not all of these institutions are corrupt.

The truth is: God intended for us to come together and experience joy together as we worship Him.

Being Aloof Will Stunt Your Growth

If you recognize that you have been an aloof person, it is not too late to change. It will stunt your growth socially, spiritually, and emotionally.

I personally know people that when they cannot communicate their feelings to another person - they run.

The flight response may seem common, but it is in fact, not healthy. The flight response will no doubt result in lost relationships.

Overcome the aloofness by recognizing the problem, dealing with the problem, and move forward as a new person. This may not be an easy task, but God can help you overcome, and will heal you to become that person you were meant to be.

Just call upon the name of the Lord, and He will save you from your shortcomings.


Aloof, Aloofness, Bible, Connect, Emotionally, Fellowship, God, Marriage, Relationship, Relationships, Socially, Spiritually

Meet the author

author avatar Zach3000
Zach has his own blog (Google: Z.Love's Entertainment Blog), and has been published elsewhere. He also is a Photoshop Expert.

Share this page

moderator Mark Gordon Brown moderated this page.
If you have any complaints about this content, please let us know


author avatar Clarence Schreiber
7th Nov 2011 (#)

Well said. This article is excellent and to the point. Thank you for sharing this with evryone.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
7th Nov 2011 (#)

Thanks for this article.The one or two "aloof" people I have met have been withdrawn to protect themselves from a previous or existing hostility. Once I have got to know them, I have found them to be friendly and warm hearted people.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Zach3000
7th Nov 2011 (#)

It is possible that aloof people can be friendly, and not even aware that they are withdrawing from the crowd. The main thing is to identify it and work to resolve it so you can live a fulfilling life.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Delicia Powers
9th Nov 2011 (#)

Great article, thank you...

Reply to this comment

author avatar Jack Vorster
12th Nov 2011 (#)

Aloofness actually rides on the back of pride and it's hard for some to get off that saddle. Great article and thank you.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Retired
27th Nov 2011 (#)

This is a very good article about the churches. They are not the same like they use to be. They are like a corporation and some people are very dis-respectful to good leadership. My husban a former pastor and myself lst lady and missionary now have church and bible study together at home but most of all we get down on our knees and pray together and ask the Lord to help us his will. To honor Him, read and study His Word , be obedient to His Word everyday. God Bless

Reply to this comment

author avatar Ann Luchini
14th Feb 2012 (#)

And I bet this article was written by an extrovert, who thinks that everyone has to be social and outgoing. God made the way we are for a reason. This article is biased.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Ivyevelyn, R.S.A.
14th Feb 2012 (#)

Jack: I just made a comment and didn't thank you for this page. Certainly, there is a lesson to be learned and I am wiser for it.

Reply to this comment

author avatar Zach3000
14th Feb 2012 (#)

Ann: I am actually an introvert. "God made me the way we are for a reason" is not an excuse to sin and it is not a reason to not take charge of your life.

Reply to this comment

Add a comment
Can't login?