Adultery 101

kaylarStarred Page By kaylar, 23rd Mar 2011 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

A short examination of adultery, from the general to the specific, with guides and tips

Overview

The trite remark;
'Men do it because they have an opportunity,
Women need a reason',

is not without some truth.

There are people who can not be faithful to anyone or anything. You can catch this in the school yard, where 'best friends' change frequently, and the boy who was all football all the time suddenly moves on to something else with the same avidity.

There are people who can not bond. Whether it is genetic, whether it is
in their nurture, or if they simply don't 'get it' they can never be faithful.

The playboy who wants to marry you, the girl who has a hundred boyfriends but
settles on you may boost your ego, but it is only a matter of time and opportunity before they bring other people into the relationship.

Anyone who gets involved with someone like this is in for a very bumpy ride.

It has nothing to do with you.
There is nothing you did wrong.
This person can never be faithful.

Depending on where you live in the world and in what kind of community, the
numbers fluctuate. In some societies men are
expected to have girlfriends, in other such is seen with contempt.

In those where adultery is 'normal' you will find a lot of it. In societies
where people actually do believe 'until death do ye part', you'll find less of it.

People in society are like Orwell's sheep; they follow the herd.

The First Signs

"I'm married but not dead" is often a statement which suggests that given
the right time, place and other, adultery is more than possible.

Another signal, "S/He takes me for granted." is often said by a spouse
who is treated as either a fool or a trophy, from
whom very little is expected.

This person is likely to look elsewhere for appreciation.

In some cases one spouse doesn't intend to make the other feel inferior,
it just happens. And this person is going to be very surprised by the affair

"I feel caged", is sometimes said, often displayed by the soon to cheat
member of the couple.

One expects sitting home together to be pleasant, not imprisonment.
Always needing other people around, always needing to be out, going
from here to there, doing this or that, avoiding intimate moments, is a
clear sign the relationship is riding onto the rocks.

The other spouse should be warned.

Although there may be no 'Other' at the moment, there will be.
The spouse is moving into pre-adultery mode, and it is merely
a matter of time and opportunity.

Pre-Adultery

There is a new way of looking at people, a new sense is activated.

Suddenly one notices that good looking new employee or begins to appreciate
that neighbour. Going out to lunch with the crew becomes more a focus on one member of the crew; the potential Other.

Interest in a new hobby is more interest in a new person who also has that hobby. Joining clubs or taking courses to 'get out of the house' are trumpets of
the entry to Pre-Adultery mode.

Being alert to these things is a heads up.

"Why is s/he all of a sudden so interested in...." can be answered if
one accompanies the spouse to the venue; (or threatens to).

If the spouse has been begging you to come to .... and is ecstatic that
you finally agree, well that suggests the interest is real.

If your spouse isn't interested in your company or tries to dissuade you
from coming, it is pretty clear something is going on that needs to be
behind your back.

Enter The Other (Male Version)

Men are transparent.

As soon as they step over the line they become irritable.
They can't stay home.
They act like caged rats.
Everything bothers them. They have to go out.

They often change their wardrobe to a younger one and develop tastes
for things expected from someone who would more fashionably wear
those clothes.

Silly wives start to spy; checking the husband's cell phones, presenting
their evidence as if they have 'discovered' or 'won' a round.

This will be met by heightened security precautions and various behaviours
to distract and allay suspicion.

This will, of course, make the later exposed adultery that much more painful.

Enter the Other (Female Version)

Women usually need a reason to be unfaithful.
It is usually that the husband (fill in the blank) and she's 'getting back' at him.

Sometimes it is a tit for tat adultery; which is the easiest to conduct.
Since he is so busy running after his gal he has no idea that his wife isn't home alone.

She can set her pick up time ten minutes after he leaves, her drop off
twenty minutes before his usual stumble in.

He'll never suspect she was out, and she'll pretend to be asleep.

Other forms of adultery are the 'fix him' for taking her for granted, for being
cold and brutal, for being too busy for her, etc.

Sometimes it is the actual romance, where she meets someone she ought have married.

She's usually happier now that she has a lover.
The husband, who obviously wouldn't notice if she dyed her hair purple
doesn't see this

Getting and Not Getting Over

Women are very rarely caught.

Firstly, a man's ego bars the door on discovery.
Secondly, women are far better at covering their tracks.

'Stanley' is listed as 'Shirley' on cell phone and often the lover who calls is
described as "that pest from accounting who can't do anything right",

A woman will drive to a girlfriend's house, change her clothing, be picked up by
the lover, go out, come back, change, and drive home. She might go out with
her girlfriend, meet her boyfriend, and then come back with her girlfriend.

Often these trysts are worked out with such precision that even a private
detective will be stymied.

Men are usually caught.

They buy a gift for the girlfriend and the wife sees the bill. They have receipts
for motel rooms in their pockets when wife goes to
do the laundry. They take the Other to same restaurant they later take
the wife. They are often seen in the company of....and they lie badly.

Often a woman can have a single lover for twenty
years and the husband none the wiser.

A man doesn't have a girlfriend for two weeks where the wife doesn't have the particulars.

Ignorance isn't Accepted

In some cases, the Other Woman doesn't know she is the Other Woman..

Unless she makes sneak attacks on the house or demands to be taken to a
public place where it is likely they will be seen, and he refuses, she might not
realise this is someone's husband.

In some cases, the Other Woman has happily gotten involved with a married man because she needs the ego rush.
The ego rush, the blackmail potential.

In rare cases, the innocent spouse is told, and that is the first time the adultery is revealed. In others, it is evident before it happens.

Adultery Insurance

Although there is no an actual 'policy' one can effect, (although pre-nup agreements are useful) there are things one can do to prevent the complete
devastation adultery often causes.

The main impact is emotional, at first, then there are the financial aspects as
well as the legal. But that's another article.

See Adultery 102

Tags

Adultery, Cheating, Divorce, Family, Marriage, Other Man, Other Woman, Sex

Meet the author

author avatar kaylar
I am passionate about history, culture, current events, science and law

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Comments

author avatar Jerry Walch
27th Mar 2011 (#)

Well, Kaylar, all I can say to this one is that you seem to have covered all the bases. If I didn'y know better I would say that you have read some of my adult fiction--short stories and novels--from back in the day when I wrote them ;-))

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author avatar kaylar
27th Mar 2011 (#)

Been involved with Women's issues most of my life. This is a major issue.

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author avatar AnnH
30th Mar 2011 (#)

Nice post, thanks for sharing.

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author avatar kaylar
30th Mar 2011 (#)

thank you

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author avatar Denise O
1st Apr 2011 (#)

I agree Kaylar, you are spot on. it just seems like to much hard work having to cover things up, not that I am in the least contemplating the idea, mind you. Nice read. Congrats on the star page, it is well deserved. Thank you for sharing.:)

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author avatar Denise O
1st Apr 2011 (#)

Oops I gave you a star, well maybe it should have been then. LOL
Nice work.:)

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author avatar kaylar
1st Apr 2011 (#)

Thanks Denise...

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