7 Strong Steps to Stop a Divorce

D prince By D prince, 30th Aug 2016 | Follow this author | RSS Feed
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Divorce

Many spouses ignore for years the alarms of discontent that their partner has been ringing. None of the complaints sounded like they might end up being causes for divorce. When their spouse “suddenly” announces that he or she is moving out, wants to end the marriage.

Prepare for action

Many spouses ignore for years the alarms of discontent that their partner has been ringing. None of the complaints sounded like they might end up being causes for divorce. When their spouse “suddenly” announces that he or she is moving out, wants to end the marriage, or even has filed already for divorce, the ground below shakes like an earthquake. Is there any way, at that last-ditch point, to stop a divorce?

Ted announced on Friday to his wife Maria (names changed for confidentiality) that he wanted a divorce. Maria was shocked. She had no idea that her husband had been so unhappy. Yes, he had complained of this and that, but don’t all husbands complain? By Monday morning however Maria had made a decision. She would do all she could to stop the divorce. Here’s the 7 strong steps that she and I (the therapist she went to for help) mapped out together for her.

1. Prepare for action

If you are serious about wanting to stop a divorce, as soon as possiblex, soothe the panic, skip the moping, and make an action plan. The steps below will guide you to a strong start.

Smother the urge to play victim

How could you do this to me?” may express how you feel, but it’s likely to be a loser strategy for regaining your spouse’s affection. Guilting your partner into returning will just win back, if it wins anything, a depressed “I hate being here again” spouse. Not a good way to stop a divorce.

To skip the “poor me,” flip to “proud me.” Remind yourself of the positive qualities you can bring to a marriage, and figure out how to show them in their full colors. Pretty soon you’ll start believing in yourself more, and then

Notice that I said “show,” not “show and tell.” Let your actions speak louder than words. Save your words for appreciation of him, not for comments about yourself. Flattery will get you everywhere. Self-praise is a turn-off.

Speaking of appreciation, strong people give out lots of positivity. Smile at your almost-ex. Laugh at the almost-ex’s jokes. Express affection. Share your gratitude for good things your spouse has done.

Clarify what you need to change

Make a list of all the negative comments that your spouse has made to you that now, with hindsight, you can see were attempts to stop a divorce. List all the complaints, criticisms and angry comments you can recall that you probably see now were about causes for the current divorce attempt.

Check out the list with your almost-ex. Be sure you left no criticisms out. At the same time, keep your tone strong, as if you are just checking the list you are bringing to the grocery store. “No big deal; I’m just beings certain my list is complete.” No victim and no groveling either. Once you have your list, think back to your family of origin. From your Mom? Your Dad? An older sibling?

The more effectively you can identify where in growing up you might have learned that mistake, the more effectively you will be able to let go of the mistake and replace that habit with a far better one.

Then map a plan of action for fixing each and every item on your list.

Look your best

Appearance can be a huge factor in the odds of success in stopping a divorce.

Lose weight. Rethink your hairstyle. Pay attention to the clothes you’ve been wearing: throw out those baggy sweat pants and outdated shoes. Picture how you would look if you were to look strikingly attractive. If the image isn’t clear, pay attention to attractive people in a clothing store or to newscasters or other well-dressed folks on TV.

Then figure out how to make that your new personal style.

5. Clean up all the old hurts

Find out what resentments and hurt feelings your spouse carries that may have been factors that led to filing for a divorce. Write out a list of all the moments that your ex recalls with anger or bitterness. Create your own list as well.

Then go through each item on the list together, one by one, to “find the mis.” That means each of you needs to look for your own part in the misunderstanding, misperceptions, mistakes etc. No one gets to comment on what the other did that was problematic. Just aim to understand what you did that inadvertently contributed to the problem. Apologize for it. Then figure out what in the future you can do differently to prevent any repeats.

Mistakes are for learning. If your marriage is rocky now, probably you haven't been doing enough earning from your mistakes.

Believe in yourself

To keep up your morale as you plow ahead with your steps to stop a divorce, think about the proverbial little engine that could, whose mantra became “I think I can, I think I can.” Treasure this mantra, and say it to yourself multiple times a day.

If deep down you believe that you don’t deserve to be loved, you need to change that. Use “temporal tapping,” a technique for changing self-defeating beliefs. With the three longest fingers of your right hand, tap in a circle around your right ear. Tap from front to back, down and around back up, completing a circle, for as many as 10 circles. As you tap, say aloud, “I deserve to be loved. I am lovable. I deserve to be loved. I am lovable. etc….”

Temporal tapping reprograms your brain, replacing negative beliefs about yourself with positive ones.

Recite your mantra and do you tapping multiple times with your new self-belief multiple times each day, as often as possible until your determination and self-confidence feels strong enough to rely on them.

7. Learn the skills that everyone needs if they want to be good at marriage partnership

You wouldn’t expect to walk into a courtroom to conduct a trial without first learning the skills of a lawyer. Yet how much training did you get for the job of spouse? Probably very little, even though the skills you need to succeed at the job take most people significant training to do successfully.


Action, Hurt, Victim, Wikinut

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My writing will be focus on family, Health, Relationship.

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author avatar Enoch Davies
26th Dec 2016 (#)

.my wife and I got married 6 years ago and we were so much in love with each other, we have 2 kids(josh and rebecca). One day my wife came back home from her friends place and she told me that she wants us to file for a divorce that she's no longer interested in our marriage, i was surprise and everything seem to me like a joke. after then i tried all my best to get her back but there was no way. but to no avail, my heart was broken, i wondered whats happening .i was on facebook when i saw a post on how Dr Ewan helped a lady to bring back her lost husband. i was scared but because i love my wife so much and I am ready to do anything to bring her back. I decided to give it a try by contacting him via email:covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, So when i contacted him i narrated everything to him and he said my case is not a serious one that my husband will come back to me within 18 hours if i believe in his power.he told me to do some things to do which i did before 18 hours, my wife called me on phone and was crying for forgiveness. right now we are now a new branded family with more happiness, we are even going on vacation on xmas. please if any one of you out there is passing through same issue in your marriage, relationship issues contact Dr Ewan today or call or add him on whatsapp on +234905735398 or check out his webpage http://allwomenstalk.com/p/58034af4f725a97d108b4569. contact him today on covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com now.
. I will keep on sharing the good news about this. Thanks Dr.

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author avatar Erica philip
9th Oct 2017 (#)


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author avatar Mrs collins
21st Dec 2017 (#)

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author avatar Diana
15th Jan 2018 (#)

Hey,I'm so excited my broken Marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Mohammed can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Mohammed. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Mohammed real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: monicaspiritualtemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348134493948

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