Trying to cope with Bereavement
By Carol, 13th Mar 2011 | Follow this author
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Posted in WikinutFamilyBereavement
Being bereaved is the worst thing ever, it's a time in your life you need all the love and support, and it's out there, if you care to find it.
- Trying to cope with Bereavement
- In the case of Sudden Death
- My Family helped
- HERE ARE SOME OF MY TIPS WHICH I HOPE WILL HELP
- 2. GET A HOBBY OR INTEREST
- 3. ACCEPT INVITATIONS FROM FRIENDS
- 4. TRY TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE
Trying to cope with Bereavement
When someone dear to you dies, it feels like your whole world has come to an end. If they have an illness where they lose weight and suffer, the daily distress of seeing that can be overwhelming, and at times you may wish for them to be released from their distress. However, once they are gone, the finality of it, especially if you were caring for them, hits you, and you find yourself wishing them back at a stage before they were ill, in the good times.
In the case of Sudden Death
It is also very difficult to accept if someone dear dies suddenly, such as in a heart attack or stroke. One minute they were there, and then they were gone. You wish there had been time to say goodbye to them, and tell them how much you cared before death cruelly struck and took them away from you.
In my case, my husband went to work, and I never saw him again, because he died instantly from a blood clot. When I was told, I could not comprehend it, and it wasn’t until I actually saw him in the chapel of rest, that I could believe this was true. But this was partly because he was only 53, and had appeared to be fit and strong, and also partly because I didn’t want to believe such horrendous news.
My Family helped
My children were so supportive, my son even moved in with me for a while so I wouldn’t be alone, but there comes a time when you have to rebuild your life, and move on, even though it takes the pain in your heart so much longer to ease.
It is so easy to keep wishing that person back, and keep saying " if only." After all, your life has just been turned upsidedown, and will never be the same again.
HERE ARE SOME OF MY TIPS WHICH I HOPE WILL HELP
1. Smile.
You may be feeling like death inside, but smiling when you are out somehow helps because other people respond in a positive way. This does not mean you are not allowed any tears. Tears are a huge release, whether when you are alone, or with other people you love. Tears help the grieving process, and once you are through that, you can begin to pick up your life again.
2. GET A HOBBY OR INTEREST
Having a hobby or joining a club can keep your mind focused on something else. In the beginning, your heart will not be in it, but eventually it will really help you. Likewise, keeping busy in your working life is equally therapeutic.
3. ACCEPT INVITATIONS FROM FRIENDS
You may feel you want to hide away from everyone, but accepting kind invitations from friends will divert your mind from your misery, if only for a short while, and they will feel as if their support is appreciated because they care about you.
4. TRY TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE
That may sound strange, but a lady I know, who lost her husband, actually took a job in a charity shop, which helped her a lot. There are people in the community who need support, like pensioners whose families have forgotten about them. Sometimes seeing what others have to put up with makes us all view our own life in a different way, because if you have love around you, you will get through it. But to have love, we must give love, especially when other members of the family are also grieving, because we don’t have the monopoly on grief.
To anyone out there who is trying to cope with such heartbreak, I do hope this helps, and you will soon feel ready to rebuild your life.
Comments
15th Mar 2011 (#)
Having read your life story, Carol, I understand the pain and loss you went through, and also the time that it takes to adjust to a life without that loved one...Thank you for trying to help others out there who may be going through the same pain as you have. It takes great courage to write about loss, and you have shared something special here...Thank you my friend.... Songbird.
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15th Mar 2011 (#)
Bless you Songbird, if it helps anyone I am content
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16th Mar 2011 (#)
Thanks Carol.
You are probably one of the most caring person posting here,
and this excellent article illustrates
that fact.
Thank you.
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16th Mar 2011 (#)
Excellent tips to deal with bereavement...thanks for sharing.
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16th Mar 2011 (#)
Oh thanks Chris and Devoted!
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17th Mar 2011 (#)
it's very helpful for people in need. it reminded me of Japan. xx
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18th Mar 2011 (#)
Thank you Blossom, Japan is a huge tragedy for so many people.
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19th Mar 2011 (#)
Carol, thank you for helping us. I am still trying to deal with the loss of my mama, I have my ups and downs. I have found myself turning down invites and at times just locking myself away. I must do as you have so rightly suggested. I must stop trying to block out others that love me. It will have been two years this May my mama passed. May is also mothers day here in the US and my mama's birthday was May 6th. For some reason these last few months have been the hardest on me. Maybe it was because, I was there the moment my mama took her last breath, us holding pinkies, until she released mine. I think the shock and the awful circumstances (idiot family members) after her loss made it so I was not able to really grieve her loss. Thank you for writing this article, it has helped me in more ways then you will ever know. Thank you for sharing.:)
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20th Mar 2011 (#)
I always love to read your story Ms. Carol. I can feel it you're so strong...
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20th Mar 2011 (#)
Hi Carol
Excellent as usual!
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20th Mar 2011 (#)
Thanks Ppruel. Denise I am so sad to hear how much you are still grieving your mother's loss. it's many years since my mum died, but I still miss her, she was so special! Try to tell yourself that your mum would have wanted you to cope, it may help. My best therapy for my emotions it to write. maybe if you wrote a tribute to your speciall mum, it might help you. love from Carol xxx
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22nd Mar 2011 (#)
I'm so sorry about your husband. I'll also try to do some of your tips to see if they help me too.
Sudden deaths are so sharp, so raw,it is hard to laugh or think of anything else but time heals all wounds.
Much love to you, Carol xxx
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23rd Mar 2011 (#)
Bless you Norma. xxx
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27th May 2011 (#)
Very poignant presentation!
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